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  • just a conservative girl 5:36 PM on 01/27/2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, , , , glass,   

    An Open Letter to Amy Glass 

    Amy Glass, who I am assuming is a feminist, wrote a blog post entitled I look down on Young Women With Husbands and Kids and I’m Not Sorry.  Now, I think that she and I agree that not every person, whether it be man or woman should become a spouse, let alone a parent.  Neither of these tasks are easy and some people just don’t have the capabilities of doing it well.  She seems to think that getting married and having children is the easiest thing in the world:

     Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them. They are the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. They are, by definition, average. And here’s the thing, why on earth are we settling for average?

    If these things were so easy why do we see the skyrocketing rates of people using dating sites and fertility clinics?  Yes, it is the easiest thing in the world to go out and date and find that person who actually makes your life feel more complete.  The person you can be totally honest with, even when you know they aren’t going to like what you have to say is the easiest thing in the world to find.  I mean just open up your front door and the lines of people to choose from is a massive one.

    I would love for her to go and say that to woman who has health problems that make it impossible for her to conceive.  Go talk to the couples who spend virtually their entire life savings to have fertility treatments to make the dream of being a parent come true and see what they have to say.  Once they get done slapping her silly they may have calmed down enough to laugh in her face.  Getting pregnant would seem like an easy task, but for many it is Mission Impossible.  Go sit with a woman who is doing everything under the sun to get pregnant when her period arrives and watch the tears and the feelings of inadequacy that she haunted by. Talk to a man who finds out his swimmers don’t do the job that God and biology intended them to do.  Many men that I know that are having problems conceiving don’t want to get tested, even though the test for the man is much more simple, straightforward, and far less invasive.

    Go and talk to the woman who does want to be married and have a family but is in her thirties and tell her it is an easy task that “literally anyone can do them”.  Some people who remain unmarried aren’t that way by choice.  That is their reality and they eventually make the best of it, or one would hope.  Many married couples that don’t have children, aren’t childless by choice.  That is the fate they were dealt and become the best Aunties and Uncles that they can be to their siblings and friends kids.

      You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.

    What makes her think that women without a husband and children are exceptional?  I work with a woman who was never married nor did she have children.  She works two jobs and barely supports herself.  She is on public assistance in the form of food stamps.  She is bitter woman who is angry, especially when she says out loud that most of her problems she created for herself with the choices she made in life.  The simple act of not getting married and becoming a parent isn’t an automatic entry into the world of exceptionalism.

    Is a woman who gives up  on the idea of marriage and family to become a professional woman automatically exceptional?  Say this woman is the VP of marketing for some large international firm and is really good at her job but has no family to share this with as she ages more exceptional than the stay at home mom who raised a child to become one of those teachers.  You know the one that I am talking about.  The teacher that really affects a child and helps that child see something in themselves that they wouldn’t have otherwise.  We all had that teacher.  I know in my case I had several.  The most remarkable thing about that teacher is that they didn’t just give that light to one child, they gave it to many.  One of my high school reunions just recently passed, I am not going to say which one, but one of my “that teacher” attended the get together.  Just judging by the people who hugged him and the amount of photos taken of him that splashed across my Facebook page the next day shows it wasn’t just me that looked at him as “that teacher”.  He helped hundreds, if not thousands, of young adults feel better about themselves and find their own way in the world.  Isn’t the woman who put the energy into raising such a man just as exceptional?  I say yes she is.

    Obviously Ms. Glass has no children.  Otherwise she would never with a straight face say that it is easy.  Child rearing is one of the hardest jobs in the world.  You worry that every little thing that you do is going to influence them (which in most cases is true) and you second guess the choices that you make when something goes wrong.  I would love to see her try to comfort a small child that is feeling ill, especially when the older sibling is in the other room pulling all the toilet paper off the roll while you are attending to the child that wants nothing else but the comfort of mommy due to a fever or cold.

    I have strong feelings that children should have a stay at home parent if at all possible.  I have no issue with a man being that parent that stays at home, if that is what works better for that particular family.  I am a realist, I understand perfectly well that it isn’t always an option.  Life doesn’t always work out that way.  Nor do I dismiss that fact that many women today want to work even if they could financially stay at home.  They feel they are a better parent by going out into the world and being productive at a job and bringing home at least part of the family income.  I do happen to believe it is best for the child to have a parent who is involved in the life of the child.  But I also understand that not all stay at home parents are good ones.  It all comes down to putting the work and the effort into raising a child to become a happy and productive adult.  That is something that can be done in a variety of ways and there is no one “right” way.  Every child is an individual and has their own needs that don’t necessarily line up with the needs of other families.

    But it is more than just a little insulting to hear another woman say that children and marriage is what keeps you from being exceptional.  For some people being exceptional is nothing more than being the best possible parent and the person who always had a clean home that was ready for anyone that dropped by.

    I also must ask is the women who clean homes for a living lacking in the exceptional department as well?  After all they aren’t doing much of anything according to this logic.  I guess they are just serfs who live to make the exceptional women such as she is lives a little easier so they can spend their energy being exceptional at their much more important jobs.  Seriously, how elitist is this woman?  There is no other way to take her little post other than a person who cleans homes is loser.

     I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments. Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”

    Feminists seem to have this real disconnect when it comes to men.  That somehow they don’t feel the guilt and they don’t question what they are doing and how it affects their families.  Many men who travel a great deal with their jobs feel just as guilty that they aren’t there for their kids.  They don’t like missing virtually every soccer game.  They also seem to have this disconnect that children don’t feel like something is missing from their lives because their dads are too busy working to have time for the little things that matter to them.  I guess those little goals and events that kids feel are important aren’t exceptional enough for Ms. Glass.

    My brother, who grew up with a father that didn’t attend games or pretty much anything else, promised himself he would be a different kind of dad.  He has three boys that were all active in sports while they were growing up.  He rarely missed a practice, let alone a game.  My eldest nephew would sometimes get crazy over the fact that his father was “always around”.  This kid also went to a private Catholic school.  He was involved with church group within the school.  One of the exercises they did in this group was to have the kids sit face to face and tell the other kid what they envied about them.  One of the kids told my nephew how jealous he was that his father was always at the games.  You see his father was an executive with some big corporation that required long hours and travel.  Yes, those kids had financial advantages that my nephew certainly didn’t have, as my brother is on a much more limited budget, but what he got in return was time.  Which is really more exceptional?  I would have to say that putting the time into being the very best parent you can be as opposed to having a big house and large bank account is the far better choice.  But what do I know?  Obviously my life wouldn’t rate as exceptional.

     
    • bafriyie 7:28 PM on 01/27/2014 Permalink | Reply

      I’m glad you wrote this post. Nobody really knows what it’s like to be a stay at home mom (I’m a university student) until they’ve actually done it themselves. True feminism, not the kind that bashes other women for having kids, has made it possible for women to get an education and be respected. However, no woman should feel like less of a woman if he decides to stay at home with the kids.One of the reasons for the feminist movement was because women weren’t getting the credit they deserved for their domestic work.

      Nowadays, where women are working, and successfully at that, women who stay at home are looked down upon. A stay at home mom i boring, lazy, uneducated and dependent. But it’s not fair to make those assumptions. A woman should be respected for her decision to have kids because it is her decision. A woman who decides to work should be respected because that’s her decision as well. The point is that you shouldn’t be ridiculed for your choices, nor should you endure ridicule from a human who overgeneralizes and assumes the condition of thousands of women.

      This reminds me of a quote from Mona Lisa Smile:
      “You didn’t come to Wellesley to help people find their way. You came to Wellesley to help people find *your* way. “

    • Me 6:49 AM on 01/28/2014 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for this rebuttal to Ms. Glass’ post. I read her post several days ago and cannot help but think that feminism is doing more harm for “gender equality” than good. I do not feel opressed because I am a SAHM. It feels pretty darn awesome raising three little people, molding them into larger versions of themselves who will be unleashed in the grown up world all too soon (it really is over a decade away, but time flies by so fast with kids).

      • just a conservative girl 9:35 AM on 01/28/2014 Permalink | Reply

        the thing is, she isn’t going after SAHM, she is going after all moms. This isn’t about staying at home, her statements were about being a mother. A question that she doesn’t answer is who then gives birth to all these exceptional women if no one has children?

    • Flon 5:32 PM on 01/28/2014 Permalink | Reply

      You are right about teachers. That is why I want to become a teacher, instead of getting some “corporate job”. I want a job where I am truly helping other people.

      Also, its very true that avoiding marriage is not an automatic pathway to success. All the never-married women that I know work at totally average jobs, some do okay, but others can barely support themselves. One of them moved into a shelter recently. She is over 50 now and not finding the same job opportunities anymore, and is also finding it harder to date at her age. Since she did not have kids, I often wonder who will take care of her when she gets older and her health declines. There doesn’t seem to be anyone in the picture right now, except for a few social “friends” here and there. Although I realize this is anecdotal, there must be lots of women in her same position in life. Women just like her, who are suffering for lack of family.

  • just a conservative girl 9:17 AM on 07/15/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , children, , , , slippery slope,   

    Slippery Slope of Liberalism Part 9 

    So many mistreated babies and kids with Downs live terrible lives. Instead of throwing resources at a nonviable fetus, why can’t the church help children with Down syndrome that are already alive? Because anti-abortion folks care more about fetuses with fairytale narratives than actual babies.

    So says Katie Baker of Jezebel.  She is unhappy about the Down’s Syndrome baby that isn’t going to be aborted but instead adopted because a Catholic priest decided to try to give the birth parents another alternative besides abortion.

    It is any wonder that people are disgusted by the sometime rabid views of pro-abortion crowd?  Simply because a child has Down’s Syndrome, it is called a “nonviable” fetus.  How exactly is this “fetus” nonviable?  This child is going to a set of parents that not only willing to do the extra work that a special needs child requires, they want to do it.  They made a choice to raise this child.  They have their eyes wide open as they went out of their way to make a choice to raise this child.

    So you see abortion isn’t really about choice, because the birth parents and the adoptive parents have the made the “choice” to give this child life and yet they are still being called wrong and being ridiculed.  It is about weeding out the weakest amongst us.  A child with special needs can’t possibly have anything to offer the world, so kill them.  It isn’t enough that the vast majority of babies who are diagnosed are killed through abortion.  Apparently they won’t be happy until the 92% actually becomes 100%.

    What this author also doesn’t seem to understand is how much work that Catholic church does, not just in America, but worldwide to try to stop suffering.  All over this country you will find food banks, homeless shelters, clothing drives, and the like as outreach to the poor. One of the things that Catholic Charities excels at is hard to place adoptions.  They are able to find homes for children that state has given up on and normally will be housed in a state-run facility.  They want all children to have a healthy and happy environment.  I have a friend who adopted through Catholic charities, the mother became pregnant again.  They were contacted and asked if they wanted to raise their son’s sibling.  They do everything they can to try to keep families together, give to the poor, and help the downtrodden.  But I guess since it isn’t a government program it is no good.

     
  • just a conservative girl 3:05 PM on 06/28/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, , ,   

    Twins are Ruining My Life – Mom Speaks after Dad’s Essay 

    You may remember the dad that was wishing away the impending birth of his twins.  His wife has decided to speak out as well:

     I don’t want to read the message boards that talk about what a joy twins are and how it’s so worth it and how “this too will pass” and what a blessing it is. When I complain that this pregnancy feels extremely more difficult than my first one, I don’t want to hear another doctor say, “Well it’s different – there are two.” None of this makes me feel any better. Quite frankly, it just pisses me off.

    Before pursuing fertility I was a positive person, a cheerleader type with the mindset that everything happens for a reason. Now I find my mindset has shifted. While I am grateful we are pregnant, I am changed. There has been too much pain, too much struggle, and not enough learning. The “glass half full” person is no longer. The twins are coming fast, and I don’t feel a sense of joy. Instead, I feel responsible. We only wanted one.

    She doesn’t read on message boards about the joy of the situation?  Well one must ask why did you and your husband decide to make your complaints so publicly?  Do you think you are doing some sort of public service by talking about how you don’t really want both of the children that you are carrying?

    There is no denying that it is somewhat human nature not to be able to see another point of view when you are going through an emotional time.  But the selfishness of both of these people is nothing short of stunning.  At least her husband didn’t put his name on his essay, but the wife decided to put it out there for all the world to see.  One of the biggest problems with that is that it will last forever and it may very well be read by her children one day.

    I don’t have twins so I have no idea what that is like.  But I do have several friends who do.  If they felt this way, they certainly didn’t share it with me.  One of my friends that had twins didn’t use fertility drugs/procedures, which would make it even more of a shock when it did happen.  Using fertility drugs does make it more likely that you will have multiple babies.  That is part of the process that was fully explained to this couple.  They admit that themselves.

    But I will tell you I was a person who desperately wanted children, I got ovarian cancer at a relatively young age and that dream was not very likely to come true.  It was heartbreaking.  I know people who have tried virtually everything under the sun to have a biological child and it just won’t happen.  It is not in God’s plan.  These families would give their eye tooth to be in this position.

    It seems that the desire to have additional children was not even something that they necessarily wanted:

    Yet despite these challenges, we still wanted another child – a sibling for our son, mind you, not so much for us. We spent the next two years trying to conceive. Every month when I would get my period, I didn’t just feel grief or disappointment – I was losing hope. I was exhausted and depressed. The emotional pain was incomprehensible to me. I was eroding as a person, losing weight and not being the best mom, wife, or professional.

    Did this woman think that having even one newborn with a three-year old would be easy?  Newborns need a great deal of attention, feedings, diaper changes, hugs, baths, and everything else that goes with it.  It would never be easy even if you had only one child.  You don’t have a child simply because you think your existing child needs a sibling.  That isn’t a very good reason.

    I wonder how much strain having two infants at the same time will put on my marriage and older son. We are not rich. We work hard to provide a good life for our son, and we have dreams, as all families do, of going to Disney, college, etc. I worry about how much of our attention and resources will be taken away from our firstborn. We also now need a bigger car and a bigger house. What had I done?

    I thought of colic, and the change that postpartum depression had inflicted on me the first time around. Why would the universe, God, karma, whatever, whomever think it was a good idea to bring forth twins in our lives? When would anything go my way? Before I had children, it seems like it used to.

    None of my friends that have twins are rich either.  They make due.  But it seems pretty clear that it comes down to this:

    I completely acknowledge that for many, the journey to conceive is more difficult than our story. I realize better people than me are out there feeling joyful and benefiting from a far sunnier perspective. For anyone who is worried about me and my husband, our son brings us a ton of joy. We are always amazed by how much we love him, and I’m sure this indescribable love will extend to his brothers. But for now, I’m having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Worried about you and your husband?  Honey, don’t you realize that most people are worried about your three sons?  They are the issue here, not how things are not going your way.

    If these parents don’t realize that there are many, many childless couples that would happily adopt one of those boys, they are sadly mistaken.

    Unreal.

     
  • just a conservative girl 11:34 PM on 05/24/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, , feel good story of the day, , police officers   

    Feel Good Story of the Day – Police Converge on Kindergarten Graduation for Child of Officer Killed in the Line of Duty 

    A week ago Tatum Raetz lost her daddy who was killed in the line of duty in Phoenix Arizona.  His precinct had gotten together and decided to support his young daughter by showing up at her graduation ceremony.  It turns out virtually most of the city’s police showed up as well.    What a very special day for this little girl whose heart is surely broken from losing her daddy.

    tatum graduation

     
    • justgabbysmusings 9:28 AM on 05/25/2013 Permalink | Reply

      This is what our United States use to be, for it’s own, so wonderful to see we still have family!!

  • just a conservative girl 9:51 AM on 05/11/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, , , substance abuse   

    Love for Your Mom – Even When it isn’t Easy 

    This weekend is always hard for me.  Mother’s Day isn’t exactly one of my favorites of the year.  My mother and I don’t get along, at all.  Matter of fact we have barely spoken for about five years now.  The easiest thing would be to just act like it isn’t happening, denial always being a good escape for the things you don’t want to face.  But that rarely helps anything or anyone.

    My parents marriage was difficult, and I think I am being kind by saying that.  My father was the town drunk and while my parents never divorced she had to carry the weight of caring for the house and the kids basically on her own.  Now, as a child I couldn’t see that.  I just saw the chaos and the turmoil.  I resented it and I resented her.  Giving my father a pass was easier in a way because you could always point to his drinking problems as the root cause of why he behaved the way he did.  The other parent, well that isn’t so easy.

    In my late teens and early twenties I did a great deal of reading on co-dependant relationships and people with substance abuse problems.  Her reactions weren’t all that uncommon.  Matter of fact my family reacted “normally” for the situation.  For some strange reason children of substance abusers seem to find each other as adults.  Most children end up either a substance abuser or married to one, the number is something like close to 70%.  I am neither.  But I have played around on the edges of both.  I rarely drink today, but that wasn’t always the case.  I also was engaged to a man who not only drank but used drugs as well.  It was all part of my quest to find a man that would “stop” for me.  I grew up, got over it, and removed him from my life.  Of course it wasn’t as easy as that, but as painful as it was I did it.  But oddly, instead of helping me understand my mother’s predicament better, it made me resent her more.  I walked away, why couldn’t she?

    My mother is also one of those highly critical people.  Nothing I did ever seemed to be good enough.  Right down to the nail polish color I used was criticized.  Nothing I have ever done was ever good enough.  I was one of the first people in my family to graduate college.  I thought that would be a big one.  That would get me some loving approval right?  Wrong.  She didn’t even come to my college graduation.  It wasn’t that “big of a deal”.  I was once told that no decent man would want me, nor would I be a good mother.  Those hurtful comments along with my depression had a great effect on how I view the world as well as how I view myself.

    I spent a great deal of my life looking for that approval, and many cases I looked in all the wrong places.  It has taken a long time to let the bitterness of it all go.  I am not even sure if it is really all gone, but I can deal with better; now that we don’t talk.  I can keep it over there.  Out of sight, out of mind so to speak.  Not the really the best plan, but it has worked for me.  It has allowed me to move on and get to a better place in my life.  To have relationships that are built on mutual respect instead of a quest for approval.

    But underneath it all, the desire to love my mom as openly as many others do is still there.  I also now know that if you spoke to my mom she would tell you how amazing I am.  She tells people that I have a kind heart, that I am intelligent, and the amazement that she had that I ended up working in politics and the passion that I have for it.  She worries about me constantly.  You see we have this odd sort of communication.  Mutual friends unfairly get put in the middle of this ongoing battle and they keep us informed of the happenings in each others lives, since I have no communication with any of my family at all.

    My mother is getting up there in years and she won’t be around forever.  I know in my head that the time to make peace is now.  I never had that chance with my dad.  While it shouldn’t have been, his death was very unexpected and seemed so sudden.  He had health problems, but I guess I always expected his exit of the world to be far more dramatic than sitting down and dying while he was preparing dinner.  It was so ordinary and pedestrian to the point that it threw my whole family off.  I have always believed he knew it was coming, he called many people shortly before his death, and by shortly I mean hours and minutes even.  My phone call came about one hour prior.  He called to tell me I had mail at his house.  Very odd.

    I have figured out that now no matter what your relationship to your parent is, the draw to them is always there.  The desire to have a loving relationship is too strong to deny.  Now, there will be times that having that relationship will be unhealthy, but it doesn’t change the need to have it.  You will always miss it.  You will always mourn that you don’t have it.

    I could pick up the phone this weekend, but I doubt I will.  I can use the excuse that I don’t have her phone number.  But I know I can get easily, if I wanted to.  I am still not ready.  I am still scared to open up that can of worms and find that the pain is still too real.  But I can openly and honestly say that I love my mother.  That I miss not having a relationship with her, and that I think my life would more complete if we were closer.

    So Happy Mother’s Day to  a woman who isn’t easy, has brought a great deal of pain into my life, but is still my mom.

     
    • sally1137 10:21 AM on 05/11/2013 Permalink | Reply

      You might try calling her and just letting any abuse wash away like water off the proverbial duck’s back. Then, when the time comes that she’s gone, you will at least feel you gave it a shot. I don’t think you’ll regret that.

      My mom’s 92, and went through a lot raising 12 kids with an alcoholic husband, (seven alone after his death) so she’s pretty much earned the right to be crabby to me. Most of the time she’s not, though. But if she is, well, she’s my mom, so she gets a lotta leeway.

    • signpainterguy 8:05 AM on 05/12/2013 Permalink | Reply

      HAPPY MOTHER`S DAY to all the Mom`s here ! You are each and every one so very special !

  • just a conservative girl 11:37 PM on 05/10/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, , , step parents   

    An Ode to Step Mothers on Mother’s Day 

    This weekend across the country countless people will be paying tribute to their Moms, as they should.  Moms are very important in our lives.  Most moms give everything they have to raise their children to be healthy, happy, well-adjusted adults.  They are an integral part of our childhoods and society as a whole.  But sadly, not many will be talking about the role of step mothers.

    We live in a society, for good or for bad, that have many blended families.  The divorce rates show that.  In a perfect world we would raise our children in the nuclear family, but we don’t live in a perfect world.  Without getting into the right and wrong of this phenomenon we have to accept that it exists.

    More and more people are getting married later in life and putting off having children.  Sadly many women that put off having children then find themselves in the unfortunate situation of not being able to conceive on their own.  In many cases these women are just the “stepmom”.

    Step-Mothers have gotten a bad rap for longest time now.  Some of that is well deserved I am sure.  But many women out there are doing extraordinary things in helping to raise children into adulthood.  There are giving their all in helping their husbands parent, yet they are told by society that they don’t know what it is like to be a “mom”.

    Giving birth isn’t what really makes you a mommy.  Being one of those is a very different thing than being a mother.  Being there for a child is a very rewarding experience, even considering how hard it is.  Most parents wouldn’t trade their kids for anything in the world.  I wish I could say all parents would say that, but they don’t.

    Many women out there put everything they have into raising kids that they didn’t give birth to, sometimes in very difficult circumstances.  They are subjected to children who look at them as the impediment that is keeping their parents apart and sometimes the former spouses do everything possible to keep children feeling that way.  Sadly many children are put in the middle of love that has gone bad.  That is a very difficult situation to find yourself in when you are trying to make a relationship work and deal with children that are not your own.

    Step children in many cases have developed trust issues due to the break-up of their parents, which is perfectly understandable.  The Step Mom must overcome these issues as well as dealing with her own day-to-day stresses of everyday life.

    Step mom’s still deal with sick children, homework, the temper tantrums, the balancing of work and family, and in many cases does this without the credit from the rest of society.  She is often put in the position that she has to bite her tongue to keep the peace and she makes many of the same sacrifices that any parent must make.

    So for those that have step parents in their lives just remember they deserve a little call out this weekend as well.

     
    • signpainterguy 8:07 AM on 05/12/2013 Permalink | Reply

      HAPPY STEP-MOM`S DAY ! You are special, needed and wanted too !

  • just a conservative girl 12:48 PM on 05/03/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, , ,   

    Over-Parenting our Way to Demise 

    I have long felt that as a society we have lost our way.  I also truly believe that a great deal of this is about parenting.  We over parent our children to the point that they feel they are owed something.  A friend is a nursery school teacher and she pointed me towards this article aptly named A Nation of Wimps.

    I think that is an accurate name for what is going on in our society. Everyone is trying to protect their children to the point that we not allowing them to grow and mature.

    Behold the wholly sanitized childhood without skinned knees or the occasional C in history. “Kids need to feel badly sometimes,” says child psychologist David Elkind, professor at Tufts University. “We learn through experience and we learn through bad experiences. Through failure we learn how to cope.”

    Yes, failing at times is a good thing.  We learn from it.  Children at some point are going to become an adult that will have to make choices, and not all of those choices will be good ones.  Having a few failures gives them the background to figure out what choices are better than others.  I will fully admit that sometimes all the choices are bad, but you still have to learn which choices will give the best possible outcome.

    No one doubts that there are significant economic forces pushing parents to invest so heavily in their children’s outcome from an early age. But taking all the discomfort, disappointment and even the play out of development, especially while increasing pressure for success, turns out to be misguided by just about 180 degrees. With few challenges all their own, kids are unable to forge their creative adaptations to the normal vicissitudes of life. That not only makes them risk-averse, it makes them psychologically fragile, riddled with anxiety. In the process they’re robbed of identity, meaning and a sense of accomplishment, to say nothing of a shot at real happiness. Forget, too, about perseverance, not simply amoral virtue but a necessary life skill. These turn out to be the spreading psychic fault lines of 21st-century youth. Whether we want to or not, we’re on our way to creating a nation of wimps.

    Every parent wants what is best for their children.  It is instinct to hope that your child will live a life that is “easier” than you did.  But the fact remains that every life will have disappointments, failures, and expectations that won’t be reached.  It happens to all of us.  You need to teach your children the ability to pick themselves up and brush themselves off.  There will come a time that you will not be there for them.

    College, it seems, is where the fragility factor is now making its greatest mark. It’s where intellectual and developmental tracks converge as the emotional training wheels come off. By all accounts, psychological distress is rampant on college campuses. It takes a variety of forms, including anxiety and depression—which are increasingly regarded as two faces of the same coin—binge drinking and substance abuse, self-mutilation and other forms of disconnection. The mental state of students is now so precarious for so many that, says Steven Hyman, provost of Harvard University and former director of the National Institute of Mental Health, “it is interfering with the core mission of the university.”

    The severity of student mental health problems has been rising since 1988, according to an annual survey of counseling center directors. Through 1996, the most common problems raised by students were relationship issues. That is developmentally appropriate, reports Sherry Benton, assistant director of counseling at Kansas State University. But in 1996, anxiety overtook relationship concerns and has remained the major problem. The University of Michigan Depression Center, the nation’s first, estimates that 15 percent of college students nationwide are suffering from that disorder alone.

    I read something recently that talked about the percentage of parents that expected a phone call from their children who were out of the home attending college.  I can’t remember the exact number but it was about half of parents surveyed.  How exactly do these kids learn to do things for themselves when Mommy and Daddy are still keeping tabs on everything that they are doing?

    Some of this is showing up in very disturbing ways:

    Relationship problems haven’t gone away; their nature has dramatically shifted and the severity escalated. Colleges report ever more cases of obsessive pursuit, otherwise known as stalking, leading to violence, even death. Anorexia or bulimia in florid or subclinical form now afflicts 40 percent of women at some time in their college career. Eleven weeks into a semester, reports psychologist Russ Federman, head of counseling at the University of Virginia, “all appointment slots are filled. But the students don’t stop coming.”

    Drinking, too, has changed. Once a means of social lubrication, it has acquired a darker, more desperate nature. Campuses nationwide are reporting record increases in binge drinking over the past decade, with students often stuporous in class, if they get there at all. Psychologist Paul E. Joffe, chair of the suicide prevention team at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, contends that at bottom binge-drinking is a quest for authenticity and intensity of experience. It gives young people something all their own to talk about, and sharing stories about the path to passing out is a primary purpose. It’s an inverted world in which drinking to oblivion is the way to feel connected and alive.

    “There is a ritual every university administrator has come to fear,” reports John Portmann, professor of religious studies at the University of Virginia. “Every fall, parents drop off their well-groomed freshmen and within two or three days many have consumed a dangerous amount of alcohol and placed themselves in harm’s way. These kids have been controlled for so long, they just go crazy.”

    Why would we feel that is a good idea?  The numbers of young woman who have said that they have been abused in relationship is frightening.  While I am not denying the pathology that is behind people staying in an abusive relationship exists, but many of these kids are not coming from abusive homes, which lowers the risk of the them being abused as an adult.

    Talk to a college president or administrator and you’re almost certainly bound to hear tales of the parents who call at 2 a.m. to protest Branden’s C in economics because it’s going to damage his shot at grad school.

    Shortly after psychologist Robert Epstein announced to his university students that he expected them to work hard and would hold them to high standards, he heard from a parent—on official judicial stationery—asking how he could dare mistreat the young. Epstein, former editor-in-chief of Psychology Today, eventually filed a complaint with the California commission on judicial misconduct, and the judge was censured for abusing his office—but not before he created havoc in the psychology department at the University of California, San Diego.

    I also was reading some stories from hiring directors about the millennium generation and their job interviewing skills.  They are pretty poor:

    A college senior brought her cat into an interview for a buyer’s position at clothing retailer American Eagle. She set the crate-housed cat on the interviewer’s desk and periodically played with it. “It hit me like — why would you think that’s OK?” says Mark Dillon, the chain’s former recruiting director. “She cut herself off before she had a chance.”

    • Helicoptering parents. A man in his late 20s brought his father into a 45-minute interview for a material handling job on an assembly line, says Teri Nichols, owner of a Spherion staffing-agency in Brooksville, Fla. At Cigna, a health insurance provider, the father of a recent grad who received an offer for a sales job, called to negotiate a higher salary, says Paula Welch, a Cigna HR consultant.

    While yes the story about the cat is funny, it is also very scary.  These kids are going to be running the country one day and they think bringing a cat to an interview is acceptable behavior.  I think it can be a good idea for a parent to help their child through the first job interview process and teaching them about negotiating a salary, those are necessary skills to have over your lifetime.  But you don’t make the call yourself.

    It is any wonder that kids today don’t understand the concept of responsiblity and hard work?

    Although we’re well on our way to making kids more fragile, no one thinks that kids and young adults are fundamentally more flawed than in previous generations. Maybe many will “recover” from diagnoses too liberally slapped on to them. In his own studies of 14 skills he has identified as essential for adulthood in American culture, from love to leadership, Epstein has found that “although teens don’t necessarily behave in a competent way, they have the potential to be every bit as competent and as incompetent as adults.”

    It is all in our hands parents.  Are we up to the task?

     
    • sally1137 2:13 PM on 05/03/2013 Permalink | Reply

      Reblogged this on Tin Foil Hat Book Club.

      • just a conservative girl 8:01 PM on 05/03/2013 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, always appreciated.

    • Robin H 2:49 PM on 05/05/2013 Permalink | Reply

      I’m sending my oldest to college in the fall. My greatest hope for him is to make friends with others that are as capable as he is. I’ve raised him in the traditional fashion of, if you fall, get up and deal with it. I don’t go to high school teacher conferences, by high school he should learn how to deal with his teachers. He’s been doing his own laundry since he was 12 and he can cook himself some food when he’s hungry. If by chance he meets kids in college that are helpless, I’ve taught him to sell his laundry services. He’s becoming quite the capitalist.

      • just a conservative girl 7:55 PM on 05/07/2013 Permalink | Reply

        Good for you and for him. There are life skills that all kids need to know, laundry being one of them.

  • just a conservative girl 10:25 PM on 04/30/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , children, , , , selfish,   

    Quote of the Day – Selfish Anonymous Dad to Be 

    As horrible as this might sound, we found ourselves wishing these twins away.

    We considered a reduction for about 30 seconds. (That’s essentially an abortion of one twin, not both.) If you thought that IVF involved playing God, a reduction felt beyond brazen — Machiavellian, even. Give us a reason, we thought, as we had the twins tested for genetic anomalies. None came.

    Two blessings, two bundles of joy. How could you not be happy, you ask? Of course I’m sympathetic to people who can’t get pregnant, or who spend a couple of years trying IVF after IVF. But having kids is a selfish endeavor, and in these cases it’s all very relative and highly personal. In our case, my wife and I know better than to think that life with three children is going to be perfect.

    An anonymous dad to be.  Selfish to the bone.  Yeah it is easy for me to judge as I never had twins.  But the point is that having children isn’t a vanity thing.  It is hard work.  In many ways twins are somewhat easier because they will keep each other occupied as they grow and mature.  I do have friends that have twins, and not one of them has ever expressed anything even remotely close to this.  We are really in sad shape as a society.

    Seriously, I can think of four woman off the top of my head that cannot have children.  They would give almost anything to be in this “mess”.

    RTR if you dare.  They were hoping for some genetic issues to justify aborting one.  Wow, I am sure the children will be happy as all get out to hear that story one day.

     
  • just a conservative girl 2:22 PM on 04/24/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, , , , , savader, ,   

    Republican Intern Adam Savader Arrested for Alleged Sexual Extortion Scheme – Don’t Parents Talk to Their Children about Taking Naked Photos of Themselves? 

    Normally this isn’t the type of story I would do a post about.  People do creepy things in this day and age.  But, since I know this guy I am intrigued by this story.  Adam worked as an intern for the Romney Campaign and also was a paid staffer for the Newt Campaign.  My regular readers may remember that a very good friend of mine was also a paid staffer for Newt.  As such, after I realized that I wasn’t all that jazzed with the choices we had in the last round, I did decide to go and work for the Newt campaign as well.  I wasn’t paid, but I did a great deal of work on a volunteer basis.  I enjoyed spending time with my bud, and I learned a great deal doing it.  This is where I met Adam.

    Adam had always struck me a little awkward, but I am very shocked to hear this.  I talked to people who I still am in contact with from the Newt campaign last night and they are just as shocked as I am.  One of these friends just had him as a houseguest recently.  Another said:

    I’m just shocked!!! I just thought he was a very severe young guy who would eventually loosen up!! WOW!!

    Now he has been arrested for trying to blackmail women to send him nude photos of themselves.  Apparently he somehow came across pictures of naked women, found out their identities and tried to blackmail them into sending more photos or he would publicly release the photos that he found.  Creepy, very creepy.  Obviously under our justice system he is considered innocent until proven otherwise.  He is facing up to five years in federal prison.  Since he is only 21 years old, that is very sad.  This will take away his voting privileges for life, his desire to work in politics is now over, and even though it will be a federal prison, it won’t be fun.  Seeing naked pictures of women is pretty easy so why he felt he needed to go to this extreme is profoundly confusing, except to say again, that I found him to be very awkward.  He was 21 so why couldn’t just go and buy a Playboy is something that I just don’t understand.

    But I must ask myself why is it that he was able to find naked pictures of women seemingly so easily?  Don’t parents have this discussion with their daughters?  I don’t know how old these women are exactly, but apparently they were all college aged.  It seems that they were students with him at the same college.

    We live in an age where virtually everyone has a camera on them at all times.  I know no one that doesn’t have at least a camera on their cell phone.  Even mine which is the cheapest of all services still has a camera and the ability to upload those photos easily.  Most young Americans are on some sort of social media; twitter and Facebook to name just two.  Virtually everyone in the country has access to email.  Is it common to put naked pics of yourself in these forums?  I have never done it (thank God for small miracles) and never would.  I wouldn’t even think that sending a naked photo of myself over the internet to the man in my life would be a good idea.  The reality is this, once you put it out over the internet, it is no longer private.  As much as we would like to think that it is, it just isn’t.  Facebook’s policy is quite clear, you cannot expect privacy from what you post.  It is out there.  Any photos that I put on this blog are out there and become public domain.  Hence the reason you don’t see photos of my family and loved ones on this blog.  I refuse to do it.

    I am in no way trying to blame the alleged victims in this case, but what I am saying is don’t we have conversations with our kids about the very real dangers of social media?  We live in a world that has crazy on every corner and you never really know what someone is going to do.  Apparently these young women did have naked photos of themselves, in some cases stored in their email accounts.  Isn’t that bizarre?  Why would you have naked photos of yourself in your email?  Is this a normal thing now with college aged kids?  I don’t recall knowing anyone who did this when I was in college.

    I know my parents never had these conversations with me, but in their in defense I didn’t grow up in the time of everyone having a cell phone and internet access.  My parents never really had to have this discussion with me, and beyond that I have always been shy about these types of things anyway.  I can’t imagine letting anyone taking a picture of me naked.

    Now, I was just reading the other day that a school system in New York was running an anti-bullying campaign in the school where they had the girls role play being a lesbian and asking their classmates for a kiss.  That is something that the school spends time on, but are they addressing this issue?  It would seem to me that this is an issue that is far more important than teaching teenagers how to pick up same-sex partners, but hey that is just me.

    I want to make it perfectly clear, if Adam is guilty, he belongs in jail.  He should be punished to the fullest extent of the law.  Again, I am not blaming the young women here, but I am asking if we are doing enough, as parents, to discuss the real dangers that exist in our technology driven society?  It seems to me that the answer is apparently not.

    I guess now I know why he was on social media constantly during the day.

    H/T The Other McCain

     
  • just a conservative girl 1:45 PM on 04/09/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , children, , , inhumanity, , ,   

    Mental Illness, The Death of a Child, and Human Hostility – Pastor Rick Warren’s Son Commits Suicide 

    This story really upset me to the point that I have had real problems writing this.  This is like the fourth draft of this post.  All my regular readers know that I have been very open and honest about the fact that I suffer from a mental illness; major depression.  I truly believe that all people have crosses to bear in life, and this is one of mine.  Sadly, Pastor Warren’s son unable to bear his cross, he ended his own life on Friday night.  Simply tragic.

    Another cross I had to bear in my life was the death of my best friend when we were teenagers.  She was killed in a car accident on her way to an amusement park one summer day shortly after her 15th birthday.  Luckily, her family and I have remained close.  I not only still talk to them, they are my family on an emotional level.  I watched what that family went through after her death.  It was horrible.  It almost devastated that family.  They were able to find their way to the other side, but it took years.  Honestly, they are likely not the same people they were before the accident.  The wounds went that deep.  I know the affect it had on my life and we were not really family, just childhood friends.  She and I shared the things that little girls share as they are trying to find their way to adulthood.  I often wonder how different my life would be had she lived.  But my point being I watched parents trying to find their way after the grief of losing a child.  I firmly believe that is a pain like no other, it is not the natural order of things.  You are not supposed to bury your child.

    It took little time for people to show their inhumanity after the news was released.  The hate was just awful.  To make matters even worse is that it came from both sides.  Look, I have issues with Pastor Warren and some of his views.  But, does that justify this?

    “I am a Christian and this guy was no Christian. … Purpose driven life my ars. The kid couldn’t be helped by a cult-like atmosphere and false teachings.”

    I think not.  This family is burying a child.  The fact that he was grown doesn’t change the fact that they are his parents.  Matthew Warren, besides suffering from mental illness, was also a son, a brother, an uncle, a friend, a co-worker, and many other things as well.  Doesn’t that matter in our culture anymore?

    The left has come out with the theory that he was gay and due to his father’s stance on same-sex marriage caused him so much pain he had to take his own life.  There is no proof of this, but this is theory that those that are pre-disposed to hate any and all Christians have come up with.

    “Rick warren hates all homosexuals. Look it up! His own son couldn’t change his mind. Do you think for a minute that rick is in mourning? His son was gay! He is rejocing. What a pathetic excuse for a human being.”

    Hmm, he hates all homosexuals.

    Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”

    There is a huge difference between hating someone and being against gay marriage based upon tenets of one’s faith.  Not only does the left not get that, they don’t even make the attempt to.  Or maybe they do get it and just don’t care.  I am not sure.

    Pastor Warren’s work around the globe for AIDS patients can’t be touched.  He has done amazing work not only giving medical care to the stricken, but also caring for the children who have been orphaned because of the disease.  If he were so full of “hate” he wouldn’t be doing this.  Unless you are being intellectually dishonest you cannot disagree that AIDS is primarily an illness based upon behavioral choices, such as gay sex and promiscuity.  If you practice  abstinence until marriage and remain faithful the chances of you getting AIDS is almost nonexistence in the world today.  That would be life choices that Pastor Warren would prefer that people make.  Yet, there he is out in the world trying to make a difference to those that are suffering from that illness and helping the children who have become second-hand victims.

    But sadly, simply talking about living a life based upon biblical teachings is enough to get you labeled a hate monger.  Standing by your belief system seems to justify being targeted within hours of the one of the most painful experiences of your life.  Even worse is when other “Christians” join in on the attacks.

    Nothing is being said about the horrors that people with lifelong depression face.  The darkness that permeates far too much of their lives and takes away hope.  So let me say it.  Let me try to describe to you what this is like.  I am not a doctor and I can only talk about my own experiences, but from what I understand mine are not all that different from the others who suffer from this.

    It has been described to me that on a scale of one to ten, most people fall between a 6 and 8 on any given day.  They will have days of fluctuation of course, but generally speaking this is where the average falls.  I happen to fall between a 4 and 6 on any given day.  My good days are your bad days.  I live in a constant funk.  I feel like crying for reasons that I can’t explain.  I have described this to people on several occasions that I feel like I am in a body of water and I can’t see land and no matter how much I swim I am getting nowhere.  Think of how exhausting that is.  That young man likely didn’t feel all that different.  He couldn’t find his way to land.  30% of all people who take antidepressants on a regular basis will have the medication just stop working.  There is no rhyme or reason for it, so you can’t prepare for it.  When this happens your depression will of course get worse.  I have no way of knowing if Warren’s son happened to be in that 30% or not, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he were.

    People with long-term depression get very good at faking it.  At least to a point.  It eventually will catch up to you.  During one of my down cycles I used to go to work everyday and do my job with no issues.  But that was about all I could accomplish.  I went straight home, turned off the phone and sat on the couch in a daze until I went back to work.  I got through it by taking my car a few miles away during my lunch hour and sit in my car and cry for an hour.  It released enough of the emotion that I could through the afternoon.  Once that episode began to fade, I then had to clean my condo, which was a mess.  My poor dog got little attention during this cycle.  She was an amazing comfort to me during the time, she seemed to sense my down moods and would snuggle with me.  She used to put her head on one shoulder and her paw on the other and lick my face.  She was giving me a doggie hug.  She really did help me get through the bad days.

    The point that I am trying to make is that depression is a horrible, horrible illness.  It is an ILLNESS.  It isn’t a choice.  It requires medical attention and in most cases medication to balance out the chemical imbalances in your brain.  His son couldn’t find his way out any other way.  Is it cowardly?  Maybe.  But if you lived with this pain and darkness day after day for the majority of your life , you would see it a different way.

    Our inhumanity to man is very sad to me.  Questioning Pastor Warren’s belief system is fair game as he is in the public eye.  But to purposely hurt a man who is about to bury his own child can only be described as inhumane.  There is no other word for it.  Shame on those who did this.

    Grieving is hard.Grieving as public figures,harder.Grieving while haters celebrate your pain,hardest.Your notes sustained us

    I hope that Matthew has found the peace he was unable to attain in life.  I also hope that the Warren family continues to get notes to sustain them through this horrible ordeal.

     
    • Joyanna Adams 3:21 PM on 04/09/2013 Permalink | Reply

      Good for you. I too had a lifetime of suffering from them. People who have never experienced deep depression have no idea how hard it is to not only keep trying to help yourself out of it, but to keep from hurting those around you who feel powerless to help. And this man’s poor pain will never end.

      I don’t care if it’s Hitler’s child, it’s a loss to the world, and to say nasty things just because you don’t like the man’s politics is low. Sounds to me, like the poor kid suffered greatly…Keep on with your post writing about this…we should all be talking about all the boys coming home committing suicide. Why are we not dealing with this? (Most who read this ,know.)

      DHEA and 5HP are actual over the counter ‘meds’ that you can buy to help your brain cope. If I am having a blue day, I take 5HTP and it helps. It’s very mild.

      Most of the prescribed anti depressants are worthless, and if not monitored… dangerous.

  • just a conservative girl 4:24 PM on 01/31/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children,   

    Extreme Parenting Part 8 

    LOL, I love this mom.

    tooth fairy

     
    • Non-Stop Mom 10:41 PM on 04/02/2013 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks! I never realized that this silly thing was going to go viral…. sheesh. Glad you liked it!

  • just a conservative girl 9:19 AM on 01/09/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, , entertainment, , lo, , rappers   

    R.I.P. America – All My Babie’s Mamas Set to Air on Oxygen 

    Just when you thought we couldn’t go lower than Honey Boo Boo, comes this news:

    The moral decline of our country continues and Oxygen is willing to capitalize on it.  Some rapper that I have never heard of, Shawty Lo, 35 (aptly named wouldn’t you say) has 11 children with 10 different woman.  At least 7 of which are willing to be filmed in this degrading series about their lives and most inappropriately the lives of their children as the new hit reality series.   Oh, and let us not forget the 19-year-old girlfriend who will be joining in on the fun too.  Hey if she marries the man she will have a step child that is the same age as her.  Ooh, a dream come true.

    Apparently he still continues relations with some of these women and obviously they all know about each other.  It will be a day in life of man trying to juggle 11 children and 10 woman.  What is not entertaining about that?

    I really enjoy the nicknames he has for the little women:

    E’Creia — “First Lady Baby Mama”
    Angela — “Fighter Baby Mama”
    Amanda — “Jealous Baby Mama”
    Sujuan — “Wanna-be Bougie Baby Mama”
    Tamara — “No-Drama Baby Mama”
    Serena — “Shady Baby Mama”
    Liana aka Pebbles — “Baby Mama From Hell”

    Tamara is so low drama that she is allowing herself and her child to be exploited on national tv for money.  Yipee!!!

    Of course there are the family groups that are collecting signatures to ask the station not to air this trash, but my question is where are the feminist groups and their outrage?  I mean I would think that they would fit to be tied over this, what exactly is empowering about hanging onto some man who obviously isn’t all that concerned with the best interests of these women?  At least one of these women had a second child with this man.  She didn’t seem to mind being treated like trash, or maybe she was stupid enough to think he would change his ways if the second child came along.

    Where are the black groups such as the NAACP?  How can this possibly be considered something that should be looked at as entertainment?  The black community does have a huge problem with single parenthood.  70% of all black babies are born to single mothers.  Study after study has proven beyond all doubt that raising a child in a single parent home is more likely to lead to a life of poverty.  After all there are only so many rappers with his level of sexual desire to go around.  Not all black women will find such a “good catch” as these women have.  Doesn’t this play into the stereotypes that we hear complaints about from civil rights “leaders” all the time?

    I think the black community needs to have a physician heal thy self moment and take a serious look at how they are willing to portray themselves and the culture they are creating for the next generation.  I also think that people who work in the entertainment industry needs to do the same.  I also think that anyone that is willing to watch this exploitation of women and children needs to seek treatment at their nearest mental health facility, do it quickly, please.

     

     
    • theraineyview 11:47 AM on 01/09/2013 Permalink | Reply

      I’m glad I don’t have a TV. Why don’t these reality-show parents protect their own children from being put on display in such an unpleasant fashion? It goes back far before Honey Boo Boo (who one day will be a middle-schooler viewing the old footage and deciding what she thinks of adults and their values) but it just keeps sinking.

  • just a conservative girl 8:46 AM on 12/26/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, , , santa,   

    All I Want for Christmas is…. A Dad???? 

    That’s right.  A survey among children in the UK puts a dad as #10 on the list of top Christmas presents.  That is heartbreaking, simply heartbreaking.

    Where are we as a culture that kids are asking for a dad for Christmas?

    I realize that there are plenty of women out there raising children alone by no fault of their own.  They may be widowed and heaven knows there are plenty of dead beat dads out there, but how many of these moms made a “lifestyle choice” to raise children on their own?  I guess there is no sure way to know, but we do know there are some.

    I do understand the desire to want to have children and not being able to find that suitable spouse.  I get that.  But, when you do make that choice to have kids without the traditional family, you need to know that your children are paying a price for that choice.

    We are supposed to be all about “tolerance” of others, their choices, and not make judgements.  That is the politically correct thing to do.  Ok, but it is the correct thing for the child?

    Children want to feel secure and feel loved.  Having a more traditional family life gives them that.  While it is very true that having a mom and dad in the house certainly doesn’t guarantee a happy childhood.  Many people who have children, shouldn’t.  An unhappy marriage isn’t exactly the best thing for children to witness either.

    But the thing is, if these kids are asking for a “dad” they most likely have no real male role model in their lives.  It isn’t that mom and dad have decided to go their separate ways as far as the marriage is concerned, but still make being good parents a priority.  I know many divorced women who have managed to find that balance.  The children come first, so they put their differences aside and be what they are supposed to be, good parents.  That can be done.  I also know many good single mothers.

    There was once a time when being a dead beat dad was like a scarlet letter.  There was societal pressure to be part of your child’s life and participate in their upbringing.  What happened to those days?

    Yes, I am for going to back to making people feel shame about bringing a child into the world that they don’t care for after their 15 minutes of pleasure is over.

    When we have kids asking Santa for a dad for Christmas, it is time we start looking at our priorities as a society again.

     
  • just a conservative girl 9:58 AM on 12/03/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: boyd bucks, children, , ,   

    Reason 14,982 To Home School – “Boyd Bucks” & Bathroom Breaks 

    A first grader in Irving Texas wet his pants in school.  It probably isn’t all that unusual of occurence for first graders, they sometimes still have accidents.  But this little boy didn’t have an accident.  He didn’t have “Boyd Bucks” that allowed him to use the bathroom when he needed to go.   These “Boyd Bucks” are earned from the teacher as rewards for good behavior, and two are needed to use the facilities during an “unscheduled” bathroom break.

    Scheduled bathroom breaks?  Seriously?  What is this jail?  I mean a first grader sometimes will still have accidents even though they have developed bladder control.  I have worked retail on and off over the years as a way to make extra money, and even in that environment, I could use the lady’s room when I needed to.  I didn’t have to wait until it was scheduled.

    This is a first year teacher, who I guess is trying to show children that good behavior has benefits.  Well, yes it does.  But A. you shouldn’t be getting a “prize” for doing what you are supposed to be doing, and B. it shouldn’t include emptying your bladder when it is full.

    The poor boy made his way home that day and explained to his mother in tears why he wet pants.  I am sure that was a humiliating experience for him.  First he had to deal with walking around with urine in his clothing for the balance of the day, and he was, I am, sure embarrassed to explain this to his mother.  Most children at that age are very eager to be “big boy”.  Peeing in your pants is not seen as an activity that adults partake in.

    The mother comforted her son as best as she could, then went to have a little discussion with teacher.  The teacher then told her she would give her son an exception to the “Boyd Bucks” rules to use the bathroom.   After this incident she was still planning on charging children to pee.  The mother pushed the teacher and said that isn’t good enough and that all children should be allowed to use the bathroom when they have to go.

    Granted I am sure that many kids use the bathroom as an excuse to get out of doing some work, but generally speaking first graders are very eager to learn.  They are like sponges at that age, just absorbing everything around them.  So I doubt this a huge problem in the first grade, but I am willing to admit I could be wrong about that.  But another thing this teacher is not taking into account is the embarrassment she caused this little boy.  Do you think that other 6 and 7 year olds are not going to pick on him and call him pissy pants?

    I have experience with this topic, sadly.  When I was young I had to have three surgeries on my urinary track, I had many problems and not being able to hold it was a real issue for me.  You smell and your clothing doesn’t dry in a minute.  This little boy will be picked about something that was in the teacher’s control to prevent.

    The school administration has told the teacher that she can no longer use  the “Boyd Bucks”  system to use the bathroom.  But the system will continue.

    My question is what else do you need “Boyd Bucks” to do? The head spins just thinking about it.

     
    • Kerry 11:05 AM on 12/03/2012 Permalink | Reply

      I am so glad I decided to homeschool. It’s incredibly hard sometimes, but after reading stories like this, it’s worth it.

    • Don 4:40 AM on 12/04/2012 Permalink | Reply

      I had something similar to this happen to me when I was in kindergarten. Instead of earned or scheduled times, if you went up to the teacher and asked and she decided not to answer, the student was supposed to go on to the bathroom. I had either forgotten this or not understood it and when she didn’t answer I sat down. As a result, I went in my pants and by the time I rode the bus home, I was soaked. My Mother went ballistic. It didn’t matter to her that the Kindergarten teacher was the Superintendent’s wife. She let that woman have it with both barrels and needless to say, from then on the teacher always answered the kids when they asked her a question.

      This just astounds me. I mean to have a person who is supposed to have all the training and schooling that a teaching position requires and to have them still do something this stupid is just amazing. This is exactly why my wife and I are going to try to send our youngest to a private school once we move to Florida. Here, in central Illinois where I live and in particularly the town we live in, the public school system has not seemed to have been struck with the far left hysteria. One time, one of the 2nd grade teachers in one of the grade schools here had a big to-do about Global Warming and the poor, poor polar bears. I wrote a letter to the editor debunking everything in the news article that the teacher stated as gospel. Then I listed my sources. This led to quite a few other folks writing in, not only to the newspaper, but the school as well and this “Global Warming” exercise was removed from the curriculum.

    • theraineyview 3:59 PM on 12/04/2012 Permalink | Reply

      If a church or parent had done this it would be all over the media.

  • just a conservative girl 8:00 AM on 10/28/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, , liberal tolerance,   

    Liberal Tolerance On Display 

    As most have probably heard, Senator Rubio’s 12-year-old daughter was hurt in a golf car accident.  She was air-lifted to Children’s Hospital and is listed in fair condition.  A horrible thing for a parent to go through.  No matter who the parent is.

    Yahoo put out a brief article on the accident.  Lets take a look at the comments under said article.

    This Cuban eemigrant needs to keep his name relevant because pudgy, white Returds have somehow convinced him to run for Pres. in 2016. He’s not the first Repube to pìmp his kid. Remember when Palin waved her Retard at the ’08 GOP ConVention?

    Isn’t he one of the SOB’S that voted agains’t Obamacare? How poetic ! He even stated when elected that he wasn’t going to sign up for a Government Health plan offered to congress.So, my question is, is who is paying for her Helicopter ride and treatment at Miami’s Trauma Center. I guess that chickens are coming home to roost. Rubio is a Puta!

    Who gives a crap about this wet back Cuban and his anchor baby. Please this is not news yahoo and nobody cares, ugh

    It sure sounds like this was God’s will. I hope the young lady doesn’t have to pay for Marco’s sins.

    Rubio:” you weep what you sow”. Karma/Proverbs.

    I’ll bet some of the wacko gop senate candidates for senate are saying this is God’s will. Isn’t that what they say about different types of rape and unwanted pregnancies?

    If Rubio wants accept 100% tax payer funded medical insurance that he receives as a US Senator which is in reality free socialized medical care ,and he want’s to deny it to every one else. Then Rubio and his brats need to get back on their inner tube raft and float their as back to Cuba

    golf-cart accident, huh? well, at least she didn’t have to be treated for the terrible case of carpal tunnel she’s developed from beating the help

    Please use the republican healthcare plan and not my taxes….get well or DIE, VOTE REPUBLICAN for LESS GOVERNMENT and higher profits for corporations, Hope this tick is not sucking my taxes for her healthcare, Rubio better be paying 100% out of his wealthy pocket!

    Rubio ,with his 100% tax payer funded health insurance, won’t have to pay a penny out-of-pocket. I’m positive that filthy Repuke won’t offer to re-imburse the citizens of the USA. No, he’ll be more than happy to accept socialized medical care for himself and his own. But hey ! The rest of America be damned, he got his and to hell with every one else ! ….Eff Rubio and the Republicans….Vote OBAMA/BIDEN 2012 ! !

    Senator,the children of Palestine are dying in large numbers due to Israels blockade.Denying them desperately needed medicine and food supplies.Blood diseases and cancer are off the charts from the nuclear tipped bombs Israel uses on people throwing stones.

    To be fair, many called out these comments and said while they didn’t agree with Rubio’s politics, they wished his daughter well.  But this is still ghoulish.  What have become as a society?

    Best wishes and prayers out to the Rubio family while their daughter recovers.  The people who left these comments need prayers as well.

     
    • Steve 8:05 AM on 10/28/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Consider not only the hate, but the lack of intellect in each and every one of these comments. From typos and gross grammatical errors to having no understanding of anything resembling a fact, these people have no clue what they are talking about. They are the truly stupid.

    • Don 8:51 AM on 10/28/2012 Permalink | Reply

      These comments remind of that guy in school that we all knew who would say the stupidest things at the most inappropriate moments – on steroids.

      I blame most of this on the fact that the nuclear family has broken down in our society to a great degree. These poor fools have probably never had anyone to teach them how to behave.

    • Ednar 10:17 AM on 10/28/2012 Permalink | Reply

      This person kind of reminds me of the following story … assuming his way is the ONLY way!

      Subject: CEO from Generous Electric

      Generous Electric, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?” A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?” The CEO said, “Wait right here.”
      He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.” Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
      From across the room a voice said, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

      • signpainterguy 12:03 PM on 10/28/2012 Permalink | Reply

        I just be lovin` yer stories !

        In the `60s, before the local paper mill became unionized, the home office sent Efficiency Experts in to trim costs and make things run smoother. While touring around one of the paper machines, he noticed all the employees just standing around, doing nothing but relaxing. He told the foreman he didn`t like that, and asked why they weren`t busy ? The foreman informed him that the machine was working fine. The EE insisted that the workers be busy, so the foreman stuck a broom handle into the paper speeding thru creating a tear. Alarms sounded and paper began to bunch up in the rollers and pile up on the floor. The workers jumped to their stations and began to unclog the works to get the machine back in order.

        That`s when the foreman told the smiling EE, “I hope you`re happy now; the mill is making no money, but paying out money, but the men are busy !”

  • just a conservative girl 5:23 PM on 10/23/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, miles romney,   

    No Hard Feelings – Miles Romney and President Obama 

    I thought this was adorable.  What a cute kid.

     
    • signpainterguy 11:08 AM on 10/24/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Aren`t kids great !? ;-)

      A buddy and I took our kids to a car show where Don Garlitz, the 1st man to break 200 mph in a 1/4 mile drag race, was appearing. He is a hero of NHRA fans. We had talked about meeting him on the drive over and while walking thru the chrome and sparkly-painted cars. At the moment Don was signing a t-shirt for my Daughter, I asked her if she knew who he was ? She replied, “Dan Quayle” ? OK, she was only 7 …..

  • just a conservative girl 1:33 PM on 10/18/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , children, ,   

    Ann Romney Holds Her Own on The View 

    In this segment she talks about her family.  I just heart her.  Mitt is still growing on me, but Ann I just love.

    Enjoy:

     
    • SignPainterGuy 5:50 PM on 10/18/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Ann is a model of commitment, devotion, practicality and love of her family. I heart her as well !

      Mitt appears to be a bit squishy on some things, but still very likely the right man for right now as is Ryan.

    • Jeffythequick 10:56 AM on 10/22/2012 Permalink | Reply

      What a happy woman! Why does Baba always want to pull her down. It just seems that the right side of the couch was interested in her, and the left side was looking to just Mrs. Romney down.

      That show is pathetic.

  • just a conservative girl 12:31 PM on 09/26/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , abusive parents, children, , families,   

    “I wish my mother had aborted me.” 

    So says feminist writer Lynn Beisner.  She says this is not the typical I wish I were dead pleading, but a simple observation of how her mother’s life would be greatly improved had she never been born.

    An abortion would have absolutely been better for my mother. An abortion would have made it more likely that she would finish high school and get a college education. At college in the late 1960s, it seems likely she would have found feminism or psychology or something that would have helped her overcome her childhood trauma and pick better partners. She would have been better prepared when she had children. If nothing else, getting an abortion would have saved her from plunging into poverty. She likely would have stayed in the same socioeconomic strata as her parents and grandparents who were professors. I wish she had aborted me because I love her and want what is best for her.

    Apparently her mother has had a very difficult life and having her just made those difficulties worse.  But there is a great deal of jumping to conclusions in her theory.  She says that her mother could have stayed in the socioeconomic strata as her grandparents.  But she goes on to tell the story of how her mother was abused as a child, had a brain injury as a child, and her grandmother committed suicide when her mother was still in grade school.  Her mother was also a child rape victim.

    She believes that her mother wasn’t strong enough to give her child up for adoption, so abortion would be the answer that makes sense.  Her mother has led a very tragic life and Ms. Beisner believes that her presence in her mother’s life was the reason she never was able to get the help that she needed to be happier.  If only her mother found feminism, she wouldn’t have been sexually exploited.  Because heaven knows women today that consider themselves feminists are not sexually exploited.

    As a child her mother abused her, she watched men sexually exploit her due to her poverty, and her childhood was an all around mess.

    With that constellation of factors, there was a very high statistical probability that my mother would be an abusive parent, that we would spend the rest of our lives in crushing poverty, and that we would both be highly vulnerable to predatory organisations and men. And that is exactly what happened. She abused me, beating me viciously and often. We lived in bone-crushing poverty, and our little family became a magnet for predatory men and organisations. My mother found minimal support in a small church, and became involved with the pastor who was undeniably schizophrenic, narcissistic and sadistic. The abuse I endured was compounded by deprivation. Before the age of 14, I had never been to a sleepover, been allowed to talk to a friend on the phone, eaten in a restaurant, watched a television show, listened to the radio, read a non-Christian book, or even worn a pair of jeans.

    It doesn’t seem to occur to her that all those things could have happened to her mother anyway.  It seems to me that her mother also have mental health issues, probably passed down from her grandmother.   Her grandfather didn’t seem all that interested in helping his young daughter or granddaughter for that matter.  Abortion wouldn’t have made her grandfather a better parent, would it?  Her mother still had to survive all the odds that were stacked against her.

    Sadly, according to her, her mother is still desperately unhappy to the point that they are unable to relationship.  But, the writer has been able to find her way out of the  circumstances that she found herself growing up in.  She is happily married and raising two children of her own.  She has found stability in her life and happiness.  But she still believes that her life is a net loss.

    The world would not be a darker or poorer place without me. Actually, in terms of contributions to the world, I am a net loss. Everything that I have done – including parenting, teaching, researching, and being a loving partner – could have been done as well, if not better by other people. Any positive contributions that I have made are completely offset by what it has cost society to help me overcome the disadvantages and injuries of my childhood to become a functional and contributing member of society.

    What the writer is really saying is that poor children really don’t contribute much to society; in fact they cost society, so there is no point in having them around.  The truth is poverty is far from the only indicator of child abuse.  There are many reasons why people abuse their children and it reaches through all strata of the economic ladder.  The insulting nature of this story is that any child that has the misfortune of having an abusive parent should be cast aside.  They are too much work.

    There is just as much of a chance that the only reason her mother didn’t commit suicide was because she had a daughter.  Just because a parent is abusive, it doesn’t mean they don’t love their child.  I am no way justifying that behavior, I am just saying that being troubled, doesn’t mean you don’t have the capacity to love.  What it truly means is that you don’t have the capacity to show it in a healthy and balanced way.

    The most tragic part of all of this, is that she doesn’t believe that her children deserved a chance at life.  I am not sure how old her children are, but they have a lot of life yet to live.  Who knows what contribution they are going to make to the world in their futures.  Without her, obviously her children would never have born.  It is a cold thing to say about your own children.  A very cold thing.

    ***Her children and her discussed this article before she wrote it, and they are ok with it.  Ugh.

     

     
    • Sherry 12:33 PM on 09/26/2012 Permalink | Reply

      This family needs a load of prayers.

    • SignPainterGuy 6:04 PM on 09/26/2012 Permalink | Reply

      I suspect that the feminism that the author`s Mom “missed out on” was not missed by the author. I also suspect that this “loving wife and mother” didn`t absorb the true Christian message since she believes abortion would have been a good choice for anyone ! Adding the memory of an abortion would have only compounded the other mental issues her Mom had.

    • Tina 9:55 PM on 09/28/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Coincidentally, I just 3 minutes ago told my 16 yr old granddaughter that “emotionally healthy parents can raise a happy, healthy, successful child in a one room tent”, that good parenting has little or nothing to do with how much money a family has. Then I came and read this article. Sherry, you are so right: this family needs prayer more than anything else. May Jesus Christ look upon them and let them know His bountiful Love.

  • just a conservative girl 9:25 AM on 09/25/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: children, , , overbearing government, ,   

    High Schoolers Not Happy with The One Size Fits All Lunch Guidelines – We Are Hungry – Video 

    My nephew played football and was  high jumper when he was in high school (State Champ in High Jump in his senior year) and during the times that he was either having track or football practice he wouldn’t get home until close to 8 PM.  He left in the morning around 6:30 AM. Luckily he has long since finished high school because I think he would be feeling the same way as these kids.

    The stories that have been coming out for the past week would be downright funny if it were not so sad.  The kids are not happy with choices that they are being given.  While many school systems still “allow” you to bring your own lunch, many don’t.  What are these kids supposed to do, starve?

    You cannot force kids to eat foods they don’t like.  If they are not getting healthy choices at home, they are not used to eating these foods.  What makes Michelle Obama think that they will eat them in school?  Many of these poor kids are eating much less because they just don’t like what they are being given.

    Reason 18,982 to homeschool.

     
  • just a conservative girl 3:14 PM on 09/22/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: autism, children, , i stand with henry, , self advocate   

    I Stand with Henry 

    Meet Henry.  He is fighting for his right to go to school.  This isn’t about school choice as the school is directly across the street.  This is about Henry’s disabilities.  He is learning, hearing, and talking impaired due to Autism.  But he is obviously a very smart young man, he communicated with his tablet and specialized software.  The school system has decided that they are not the right place for his type of disabilities.  This is a clear violation of the law.  But the Florida school system could care less.

    The public school systems in this country discriminate against developmentally disabled children all the time.  It is a common occurrence, especially since the law in most states is written to make it virtually impossible for the parents to fight back.  Each case must be heard individually in a court of law.  The school systems have attorneys that they have on retainer.  Parents do not.  The costs to fight these rulings are sometimes out of reach for the everyday American family.

    Henry want to go to class and be like other kids, something that is important to most young adults.  They want to fill in.  While this isn’t something that I think is great thing, but it is an understandable thing.  This young man has many impediments in front of him, the last one should be discrimination coming from the very public school system that his parents pay taxes to fund.

    It may be possible that Henry will not able to do well in this environment.  He may need a different approach to his education pursuits.  But why isn’t he being given the chance to succeed?  Why is Hillsborough County School refusing to even give this boy a chance?

    I understand the resources are limited in a public school system, but it seem to me that those resources are best utilized on a student who is as eager to learn as Henry as.

    I Stand with Henry.  After watching this video I think you may want to as well.  (Sorry, I can’t get it to embed for some reason)

     watch?v=rtRTEdV8qtc&feature=relmfu

    Give this young man a chance to prove what he is made of.  Here is his Facebook page if you care to stand with too.

     
    • SignPainterGuy 6:30 PM on 09/22/2012 Permalink | Reply

      The kid has “special needs” and most every school has a special ed. class (or more), so does this case rate “extra-” special needs ?

      Everyone is required to pay property taxes and by law a portion of those taxes paid must go to the local school district. IMO, this warrants a special dispensation, a variance of the requirement of this family to pay a portion of their Prop. Tax that would go to their sch. dist. because the school system “refuses” to educate the child and if the child GETS an education, the parents will have to fund it all themselves, at special school(s) or at home. Perhaps some org. would help, but it`s clear the school system is NO HELP at all !

    • just a conservative girl 6:47 PM on 09/22/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Actually many schools across the country no longer have special needs programs. The new in thing is to “mainstream” the child. In most cases that is effective. Sadly, in others it harms the child. Most state (it could be federal) law says what ever the per pupil cost is, it must be given to the child to attend another school if their local school cannot help them. But I can tell you from experience getting that money isn’t easy.

      This is why mainstreaming the child is not always a good thing, because it makes it harder on the teacher if they need to give special attention to one child, it takes away from all the other children. But in this case this child really wants to learn. He is obviously very smart, his body just doesn’t cooperate in the same fashion as yours does.

      But this is just one more thing that needs to change in the public school system. This little boy should be able to go to his local school, if nothing else let him try. Maybe it won’t work, but he should be given the opportunity to try.

      • SignPainterGuy 7:14 PM on 09/22/2012 Permalink | Reply

        Agreed !

      • Gina 9:47 PM on 09/24/2012 Permalink | Reply

        It might make the teacher do their job ‘better’ but every teacher should be making individual adjustments for every child. and NO it won’t take away form the other children it will enrich the other children. The research shows that ALL students do better in an inclusive setting just as a community does better in an INCLUSIVE society. You have just managed to trot out all the stereotype fear campaigns that seem to have a hold on such a vast majority of society. Mainstreaming is not a fad or a ‘new thing’ it is evolution! When you know better you do better.
        And rarely ‘mainstreaming’ harms a child – the reality is that people in positions of power and responsibility harm a child (ie teachers/administrators/para educators) either by action or inaction.

    • Trisha 7:04 PM on 09/23/2012 Permalink | Reply

      The local school sent us a letter the summer we were to enroll my son in kindergarten. Neighbors had complained about him to the school, and the letter suggested that perhaps we could “find another situation” for educating our son. He has autism and at age five was a runner and threw anything he could get his hands on. We sent him to a private kindergarten where he circled the classroom and threw paint but happily he only got loose once and was caught immediately. He became friends with a boy who has fragile X and they rolled down the choir stand like puppies during the Thanksgiving pageant. We took him home and home-schooled after he was not passed to first grade. We moved to another school district, he entered school in fourth grade at grade level, we moved to another state for high school where the school was inclusive, and he is now in college.

      I now work as a resource teacher in the inclusive school and enjoy my students with autism. Our school is somewhat well-funded in comparison to the school that declined to accept my son, and we know how to make the dollars stretch. Our resource classes are relatively large so it is difficult to give any child extra attention. Each family has to make choices as to how best to serve their children and I am happy that we did not force the issue with the original school. If Hillsborough county does not have funding for an aide to accompany Henry during much of his day it might not be safe for Henry. Special Ed is often an unfunded mandate and some schools don’t have resources to secure extra funding.

      • just a conservative girl 7:35 PM on 09/23/2012 Permalink | Reply

        Trisha:
        Your son was allowed to try, that is the difference. He has a service dog. He should be allowed to try for one semester. If it doesn’t work for him then his parents can find another way to get him his education.

        I am glad that your son was able to find a school that worked for him. I just want to see Henry given that same opportunity.

    • Lauri 5:45 PM on 09/26/2012 Permalink | Reply

      HI, I’m Henry’s mom, thank you for writing about this. Henry too was turned away from an elementary school and I helped start an elementary charter school to provide a “welcoming” environment for Henry. Henry is actually a very mellow and smart kid who happens to be non-verbal. He is Autistic, he is hearing impaired, he is physically impaired, he is a joy, he is Henry. We have offered to provide an aide and any services Henry requires because he wants to go to school with his neighbors and be challenged academically. He deserves the same chance that every other person has. We support and applaud his advocating for this rights.We have always provided an education for Henry and will continue to do so, but discrimination and segregation based on disability labels is wrong. It needs to stop now. Henry has gone into this knowing that things may not change for him, but he wants to do what’s right for everyone.

    • Jackie 6:30 PM on 09/28/2012 Permalink | Reply

      I think it’s ridiculous while ungrateful neurotypicals are allowed to go to public schools,where they will slack off in class and waste all their time talking, that a student who wants to learn can’t go to school. The reason we’re falling behind other countries in regards to education, is our schools have become a daycare for over social blabbermouth neurotypicals.

      If we made less accommodations for neurotypical’s “special needs” like social time, or a place to go and chat about nothing, we would have the money to support the mentally disabled students who WANT to learn.

      People say those with Autism are unintelligent, we’re not the ones gossiping during class time, distracting the class with shenanigans, or being bullies. We’re the ones who deserve an education, not Neurotypicals who could care less about getting one!

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