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  • just a conservative girl 2:36 PM on 03/07/2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , parenting   

    Just in Case You Were Unclear of Rachel Canning’s Motives – 18 Year Old Suing Her Parents Speaks 

    Oh my.  Ms. Rachel posted this on her Facebook fan page.  Education for Rachel.

    “Suburban baby boomer types are the spoiled lot, they make massive amount of money a year, they are used to flying to luxury destinations when they want, and buy things that they don’t need, people should be inclined to see things Rachel’s way.  We have been stunned by the financial greed of modern parents who are more concerned with retiring into some fantasy world rather than provide for their children’s college and young adult years. In today’s economy there are no more meaningful jobs and without family help it’s usually military or bust. We see parents like this every day, children were always an accessory to them and nothing more, once that accessory grew up and went out of fashion, much like a marriage that people allegedly commit to, the child becomes a throwaway, that’s just how it is.”

    Really?  How dare parents save for retirement?  What kind of monsters are they?  Go ahead and read the page, it is all me, me, me, and more me.  She talks about herself in the third person.

    She may have legal standing with her college fund as they are usually set up in the child’s name, but apparently that isn’t enough for this young woman.  She wants 100% of education funded.  It just amazes that the adults in her life are funding not only this behavior, but this mindset.  What are these parents teaching their own children?  I guess if one of this family’s kids commits a crime they can use the Affluenza defense.

    I do have one question for Ms. Rachel, if there are no more meaningful jobs why bother to spend the money on an education, you can just then sue for your family to support the rest of your life, right?  Oh yeah, you want to party for a few years.

     
    • AKA John Galt 2:37 PM on 03/07/2014 Permalink | Reply

      Reblogged this on U.S. Constitutional Free Press.

    • Richard M Nixon (Deceased) 3:00 PM on 03/07/2014 Permalink | Reply

      I posted on her Facebook: “What “right” of obtaining education assistance? Show me where such a “right” is stated in the Constitution or Bill of Rights of this nation. Show where it is and I’ll guarantee your tuition and living expenses at any University in the US through a PhD.”

      • just a conservative girl 3:42 PM on 03/07/2014 Permalink | Reply

        She could care less about the constitution. This is all about her human rights. Her parents don’t need money to retire. They shouldn’t be taking vacations. They shouldn’t be using the money they worked hard for unless of course it is spent on her.

        • Richard M Nixon (Deceased) 5:56 PM on 03/07/2014 Permalink | Reply

          She’s a Special Snowflake, the universe revolves around her!

    • A.Men 8:34 AM on 03/13/2014 Permalink | Reply

      another braindead obomabot. Bossy?

  • just a conservative girl 1:11 PM on 03/03/2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , college tuition, , , parenting, spoiled children   

    When Does Your Job as Parent End? New Jersey Teen Suing for Parents to Pay College Tuition 

    Rachel Canning, an 18-year-old senior in a private Catholic high school has filed suit in Superior Court in New Jersey to pay back bills on her high school tuition and to give her access to her college fund.  Rachel turned 18 last fall.  After her 18th birthday she moved in with the family of her best friend (whose father happens to be an attorney who is funding this lawsuit).  She has been attending school since that time and is an honor student.

    Her parents claim that she wasn’t following the rules of the household.  They say she wasn’t doing her chores, wasn’t coming home by her set curfew, was disrespectful, didn’t treat her sisters very well, and there seems to be an issue with a boyfriend that her parents don’t particularly care for.  They believe he is a “bad influence”.

    Sean Canning said that a DCP&P representative visited his home for about three hours last fall, found nothing amiss, determined that Rachel was “spoiled” and discontinued the investigation. He said that he and his wife are beside themselves that discord with their daughter has reached this level.

    Attorney Laurie Rush-Masuret, who represents the parents, said in court papers that Rachel emancipated herself and removed herself from her parent’s “sphere of influence” by voluntarily moving out of their house “as she did not want to abide by her parents’ rules….”

    Rush-Masuret and Sean Canning said that Rachel was seeing a therapist long before moving out and is supposed to take medication. The parents contend she had disciplinary problems at school last term, was suspended twice, ignored her curfew at home and bullied her younger sister.

    This in many ways boils down to our house, our rules.  Virtually every young adult has heard that coming from at least one of their parents.  But how far does the responsibility of parenting go once the child has turned of legal age?  She is still in high school so it does seem fair to me that her parents pay the back tuition of the school they had her enrolled in before this incident took place.  That seem very reasonable to me.  But she kind of loses me when it comes to the college education.

    No parent should be forced to pay for a college education.  Has that become a “right” now as well?  My parents didn’t pay for mine.  My mother was from a generation that believed that girls didn’t need to go to college.  She has since realized that is not true in the world we live in today, but when I was in high school and college, she firmly believed that.  Should I have taken her to court to try to get money?  That seems more than just a little absurd to me.

    We don’t know the details of what happened.  This is going to come down to the parents word against hers.  I am sure they will both be able to find witnesses that can testify to their version of the story.  It then leaves a judge to decide is it really the parents responsibility to support an adult while they are in college if they don’t want to?

    It seems that New Jersey law may be on her side:

    The mere fact that a child has turned 18 is not an automatic reason to stop financial support, according to Helfand and several longtime family attorneys in Morris County. A key court decision in the state specifies that, “A child’s admittance and attendance at college will overcome the rebuttable presumption that a child may be emancipated at age 18.”

    Prominent family-law attorneys Sheldon Simon and William Laufer both called the lawsuit highly unusual and Laufer said he has seen nothing like it in 40 years of practice.

    “A child is not emancipated until they’re on their own,” Simon said. “Even if a child and the parents don’t get along, that doesn’t relieve the parents of their responsibility.” Laufer noted that under New Jersey law, a child can still be declared nonemancipated even if there is a hiatus between high school graduation and college.

    So let me get this straight, a child turns 18, the legal age of adulthood in this country, finishes high school, hangs out for a year or two doing heavens knows what, decides to go back to college and then should be expected to remain a child and stay the financial responsibility of the parent?  Got it.

    Is it any wonder that people today are leaning more and more to nanny state government?  Now it could be that this law was designed for purposes of getting student loans.  If the child is still dependent on the parent for financial support, then the parents income is what grants and loans for college is based upon.  Most will likely receive more aid if they are nonemanicpated.  But in any case, it is still telling an adult that someone else is responsible for your life, your finances, and your choices.  I have no problem saying that to a parent who is under the age of 18 or still in high school.  But when do we draw the line, legally speaking?

    A parent that has a child that they feel is disrespectful and acting like a spoiled brat may have very good reason for saying hey honey, you are on your own.  You made these decisions now you live with the consequences of them.  The parents in this case have kept the car that they bought for their daughter.  They also say that they have done nothing with the college fund that they had set up for her and that she will have access to it.

    It will be very interesting to see how this case plays out.  Ms. Rachel should consider herself very lucky that I won’t be making this decision for her.  Her parents don’t owe her that college fund.  They did that because they wanted to, not because they “had” to.  It isn’t the responsibility of the parent to pay for a college education.  If they want to and can help that is wonderful, but it certainly isn’t something that is a “right” or should be forced by the rule of law.  The parents should pay the remaining tuition of her high school education.  After that, their job is done.  A college education can be had when the parents don’t pay for it, I am living proof of that.

     
    • AKA John Galt 1:14 PM on 03/03/2014 Permalink | Reply

      Reblogged this on U.S. Constitutional Free Press.

    • Me 7:12 PM on 03/03/2014 Permalink | Reply

      I am baffled by this. My parents paid nothing into my college. I did it on my own by getting jobs. Yep, plural! It is called being responsible, also something one needs to maintain a college career. Darn right she is spoiled. Perhaps she could pop that silver spoon from her mouth, pick up a pen, and apply for some scholarships.

    • Lorenzo T Neal 8:07 AM on 03/04/2014 Permalink | Reply

      Reblogged this on Zera Today Blog.

  • just a conservative girl 4:12 PM on 02/11/2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , parenting, , threatening behavior,   

    Feminist Blogger Now In Fear – Men May Have Discovered That We Are On To Them 

    A “radical feminist” blogger wrote a post a while back on how all “Penis in Vagina” or PIV intercourse is rape.  Of course myself and others who read this dribble rebutted and or made fun of the post.  Well, that caused more traffic at her blog.  Most bloggers are happy to get additional traffic.  Isn’t the entire point of writing these posts is getting others to read them?  Not in her case.

    When men view our blogs in such large numbers, it’s a threat. They’re not just looking at it, they view it with the intent of harming radical feminists and women in general. They do it to collect information so they know what next to do to prevent women from going there. They batter radfem work in public for all women to see and show the result of their verbal and written battering as an example of what will await women if they do, think or say the same. They write nasty and threatening comments, that in order to trash, I have to read at least a few words of. Even though it doesn’t hurt my feelings, they are still harmful and inevitably affect my thoughts.

    How exactly does she know the gender of the those making the hits?  I need to update my analytics, I don’t these type of break-downs immediately.  Anyhoo, at least some are men.  Those men are hateful beasts that only want to destroy.

    85,000, that’s the maximum number of views I had in one day a couple of weeks ago when the liberals and MRAs circulated my PIV blogpost for punishment. Unlike a normal blogger, attracting 85,000 hits isn’t something I want to celebrate. It’s threatening: you know they’re after you, it only means you’ve hit men’s radar and you have no idea what they plan to do. Will they attempt to hack into my blog? Will they try to find info about me? The kinds of thought this leads me to is 85,000 men going after me in real life. Probably a bit less if you discount the women. If that happened, how on earth could I hide from tens of thousands of men?

    There is no denying there is a whole lot of crazy out there, but hey isn’t this type of talk adding to it?  I mean does she really believe that men are worried about her getting the word out that having intercourse is rape that they want to silence her?  We. Must. Not. Let. This. Out.  She must be stopped at all costs.  She is letting out their little secret.  They only want intercourse to subjugate us.  We are nothing without them and they must be allowed to continue to rule the world.  Oh my.

    All this is gaslighting and bullying, men’s lies are meant to sound convincing. They convince with the use of force, ordering me to comply to their view by using an authoritarian, terrorising tone. ‘How dare you see otherwise. You’re crazy. You’re a bully. Etc.’ Which is why it works so well to instil self-doubt because it’s a mindfuck, it’s thought-blocking, it’s also an assault and it creates fear and willingness to appease to avoid further assaults. Brainwashing works through a mix of mind assaults, terror and constant repetition of a same message until it’s hammered into our brain, which is psychological violence. 85,000 views and hundreds of trolling comments is in effect a blitzkrieg brainwashing attack by men and male-colonised women. Hundreds of men and their pawns attempting to reprogram the minds of deviant female bloggers, women who don’t comply and who break through men’s myths and lies.

    It’s interesting that Cathy Brennan’s response to the whole thing led a commenter, Tracy, to comment about what it meant on reformism: I hadn’t framed it in that way (see discussion herehere and here). I’ve been thinking about it for a while but haven’t had the time to comment on it properly so I’ll continue my thoughts in this post. Tracy defined CB’s post as reformist to the extent that CB doesn’t name the agent, that is why men isolating us from one another is so dangerous, why it’s so important to huddle together in this circumstance [because men are waiting in line to rape and kill us]. CB asks us to take safety measures against a threat -men- that she won’t name, and at the same time treats men as an audience to appease, as if they would take note and change their behaviour accordingly. Tracy named that gaslighting because it’s acting as if two opposites (truth vs. omission/lie; threat vs. safety) were the same. Of course it’s not CB’s fault because she herself is victim of it.

    Men are waiting in line to rape and kill us?  Really?  I have never seen nor heard of such a line.  May I make a suggestion, if such a line exists outside of your home, move.  My neighborhood is quite safe.  No men actively trying to rape you on a daily basis around.

    I get that most women that call themselves a “feminist” call this thinking silly.  The problem is that this is the logical conclusion to that thinking.  Men are bad.  Women are victims.  Women are treated so unfairly that the government must step in to  protect them.  If the entire belief system is based on that women are tough enough and smart enough to be like just like men why in the world would you need the government to step in?

    Life will never be fair nor will women and men ever be totally equal.  There are differences between men and women that just are.  Most men are stronger.  Our upper body strength isn’t what there is.  Of course there are women who are stronger than men, but generally speaking that isn’t the case.  There was just a scientific study released that our brains are hardwired differently.  It shows up in the scans. We are built this way.  It is biological.

    What really gets my goat about feminism is the fact that the majority of the work for women and “fairness” is done in the industrialized west.  If they spend the majority of their time talking about how in some cultures the physical abuse of women is not only commonplace, but perfectly acceptable it would be different.  In some countries, such as Afghanistan, women were beaten in public for having one strand of hair showing.  The same still happens in Iran.  Some women are not allowed to work.  To heck with the fact that their husband or main provider has been killed or is missing for any reason, she still is not allowed to get a job to support herself.  At least not without the threat of jail, physical abuse, up to and including the threat of death.  I don’t hear these topics being discussed much in the world of feminism.

    Feminism also makes great assumptions about men that I take issue with.  Why do these women think that men don’t feel bad about working long hours and being away from their children?  Do they think that they don’t care that they miss the school plays?  Do they honestly believe that men don’t get wanky when the house needs work?  It is assumed that they don’t feel overwhelmed by a weekend of yard work, soccer games, shopping, and whatever else their particular chores end up being.  I am sorry but I find that very hard to believe.

    I know plenty of men who feel just as overwhelmed as women do when it comes to using their time most efficiently to get everything they want done accomplished.  I also know men who are stay at home dads, so it is their job to clean, to cook, to do laundry, and whatever else needs to be done around the house all the while taking care of the kids.  It is simply a silly assertion that men don’t feel the same type of things that women do.  We all feel a certain amount of guilt in our lives.  We all question our choices from time to time.  I don’t think I have ever met a parent, male or female, that doesn’t wonder if they could have done certain things differently.  That don’t dwell, even temporarily, on the mistakes that we all make when raising children.  They don’t come with a handbook, it is trial by fire.  That is especially true with the first one.

     Just because we make different choices in many instances it doesn’t mean that men don’t have the same type of emotions that women do.  One of the main differences is that men tend to keep these things to themselves.  They don’t dwell on them in the same way that some women tend to do.   Many men look at this as part of life and complaining about it makes them “less manly”.   Men deal with them differently, that doesn’t mean that they don’t feel it.  That is what feminism today says.  That somehow men are emotionless and guilt free.  They live lives that they actively believe makes them superior to women.  A very silly and uncaring assertion.

     

     
    • Kaufman's Kavalkade 4:20 PM on 02/11/2014 Permalink | Reply

      She seems insane actually.

    • Deekaman 4:24 PM on 02/11/2014 Permalink | Reply

      Wow. Just wow. One has to wonder what experience(s) drove her to this point. The point where she sees all men as evil, as a a threat to be reckoned with, to fear and loathe. I love women. When I am with them, I want to serve them, not own them. I want them to feel beautiful, wanted, adored. Apparently that is “rape”.

      • genderneutrallanguage 12:48 AM on 02/12/2014 Permalink | Reply

        It doesn’t take any wondering to know what drove her to this point, it’s feminism. This is unsugar coated feminism. The only real difference between this nut and Feminism101 is how well they hide the crazy. Both are saying the same things, but sites like Feminism101 is more creative with euphemisms and metaphor to avoid the obvious balls out crazy this one spouts.

        Really, this is what I see when I read almost anything written by a feminist.

        • just a conservative girl 1:00 AM on 02/12/2014 Permalink | Reply

          I actually enjoy reading Camille Paglia. I normally disagree with what she writes and her conclusions, but every so often I do agree with her. To me she is one of the “feminists” that gets it. American and European women are not the issues anymore. It is the women who live in non industrailized countries that are facing real issues. We have it made in comparison.

  • just a conservative girl 12:20 PM on 01/31/2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , , parenting   

    Apparently, In Canada Killing Your Children is Not That Big of a Deal – 2 Newborn Deaths 36 Months in Prison 

    A young animal woman kills two out of the three children she gives birth to and will spend only 36 months in prison.  She served 18 months before bail was granted and will now serve an additional 18 months.  She has given birth four times since 2008.  Two babies were never found after she put them in dumpsters.  One child was saved from the dumpster when a man, who turns out to be the child’s father, heard cries and saved the child.  A fourth child was birthed during her time in prison.

    “You co-operated with police. Without your admission to police about the first babies, there would be no case against you.”

    The judge also noted that Borowiec has shown “genuine remorse.”

    Genuine remorse?  This is a woman who did this three times.  Not once, not twice, but three times.  Gave birth to these innocent, helpless children into a toilet, then wrapped them in towels after hearing their cries, put them in garbage bags and disposed of them like they were trash.  How does one show remorse for that?  Do you cry a great deal?  By her own admission she never even bothered to check if these children were male or female.  She cared not one whit about these babies.

    I am not sure if it is a good or bad thing that she isn’t trying to say she didn’t know she was pregnant.  She knowingly lied to people about her condition by saying she had cysts in her uterus.  She never told the baby’s father about them.  She never sought medical attention for the prenatal care for these children.  She then says it was after giving birth that she wasn’t “normal”.

    This reminds me of another case in Canada where the young mother was given little to no  jail time because “abortion on demand” is the law of the land there.  They have little to no restrictions on abortion.  Apparently as long as you are not in active labor, you can end the life of your child.  That judge seems to think that includes the time right after birth and the child is outside the womb.

    Is it any wonder that we don’t respect life?  Why get angry that there are so many murders on the streets of Chicago?  What makes them more human than these children?  When a society has gotten to the point where it no longer cares that life has been ended at the hand of another, it is a society that deserves whatever else comes.

     
  • just a conservative girl 7:20 PM on 01/08/2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , cold, , parenting, snow   

    Extreme Parenting Part 17 

    With the extreme cold outside across most of the nation parents have had to get creative about their kids activities.  This little girl wanted to go and play in the snow.  Her mom and dad decided to bring the snow inside.  I just love these parents.  LOVE THEM.

    H/T Amy

    inside snow

     
    • kerry 7:35 PM on 01/08/2014 Permalink | Reply

      That is so cute!

      • just a conservative girl 7:41 PM on 01/08/2014 Permalink | Reply

        I know. She is so adorable too. Look how happy she is. Just love this.

  • just a conservative girl 9:45 AM on 09/24/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , kansas city, parenting,   

    Extreme Parenting Part 16 

    A mother in inner city Kansas City made a heart wrenching choice.  An elderly man who is confined to wheelchair was robbed in his home.  He answered the door and was confronted by young man pointing a gun to his head.  He made no effort to resist and the thugs entered his home and robbed him.

    This being the second time that this happened to him, he had set up a video camera.  The entire episode was caught on camera and released to the public.  A mom saw her son being the gang leader in this disgraceful event.  She not only confronted her son, she marched him down to the police department and turned him.

    It was the right thing to do, but that doesn’t mean it was easy.  It takes a special kind of person to realize that even though you are more than likely putting your child in a position to do time in prison allowing them to get away with that kind of behavior is worse.  Her son is 18 years old.  But obviously he has no respect for private property, he has no respect for the elderly, he has no respect for people who have served our country *the victim is a vet*, he has no respect for himself.  She took it into her own hands to say to her son that this behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated by her or by society.

    You also have to remember that cooperating with the police is not looked upon as something customary in the inner cities.  So it makes what she did even more noteworthy.  But I think this mom knew her child was out of control and fixing what is wrong is beyond her control.  I am also sure that she was worried he was on a path to end up dead, possibly in a shoot out with the police.

    Kudos to this mom for doing the right thing.  I am sure her heart is breaking.

    You can watch a news report here.  

     

     

     
  • just a conservative girl 12:16 PM on 09/20/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , drinking, drugs, holloway, , parenting,   

    Hey I Know My Kid Broke the Law, But that Doesn’t Mean They Should Face Any Punishment – Parents Threaten Lawsuits over Their Childs Illegal Behavior 

    Brian Holloway, former NFL player and father of eight, has a vacation home in New York State.  While at his home in Florida his 19 year-old son tells him about some pictures and things he is seeing on twitter.  They were about an out of control party being held in the vacation house.  Now these kids didn’t have permission to be there, they broke in and decided to throw a big party.  Items have been stolen, they cleaned out his house of the alcohol he had in the home, they urinated on his carpeting, they spray painted his walls, destroyed hardwood flooring, and left drug paraphernalia on the property.

    Brian was a long ways away trying to get a hold of the local sheriff to get these freeloaders out his home.  The sheriff did come and break up the party, which by the way they originally planned on staying for the Labor Day weekend.  The house has sustained thousands of dollars worth of damage and a yet to be determined amount loss due to stolen property.  Yet oddly, the sheriff was unable to make even one arrest.   I guess those kids were fast.  They ran and hid or something.

    Brian hasn’t taken this lying down.  He has reprinted all the tweets he could find that came from his home during this drunken home invasion.  What do the parents of these young adults do?  They threaten to sue.  That’s right.  We wouldn’t want little Suzy or Johnny to be publicly humiliated now would we?  After all, most of them are high school students getting ready to fill out applications for college.  How dare someone talk about how out of control their child is?

    Now Brian hasn’t accused anyone of anything.  He has only put out there tweets that these kids themselves put out on social media.  One tweet said:

    yeah mom went to a party and got drunk but hey atleast I’m not a meth addict”

    Emily’s mom must be so proud.

    Dear Maddie was upset that the party got busted, it would have been so much bigger.  Oh no, she missed out on more fun.  That is lawsuit worthy isn’t it?  Another young man was glad that his parents don’t care what he does.  Apparently not.

    Only one parent, count it, one, showed up with their child to help clean up the mess.

    We are more and more becoming a society that care nothing for personal property or the rights of the others.  It is me, me, and me that matters.  While it is understandable that kids that age don’t get how hard it is to earn the money to afford a home, they should at the very least have the understand that breaking into someone’s home is wrong.  That peeing on the carpet is wrong.  That spraying painting on a the wall is wrong.  Do these young adults live in zoo where anything goes?  Would they treat their parents home in this fashion?

    But what is worse is the seeming lack of remorse shown by the parents.  It seems that their little brats getting into college is a more desirable thing rather than teaching their kids a sense of responsibility.  Actually showing their children that actions have consequences.  Very real consequences in this case.  That is a lesson that no college can teach these brats.  That is the lesson that the parents alone are in charge of.  But no, they will use our legal system to bash the victim and teach their kids that hey they are special, it was just one stupid mistake.  No biggie.  Move along, nothing to see here.

     
  • just a conservative girl 4:59 PM on 07/26/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , parenting, , walsh   

    My Brilliant and Gifted 28-Year-Old Lives in My Basement 

    Another Blogger and radio host Matt Walsh received a letter from a listener.  It was from a father that feels that Matt is a “right winged extremist” for thinking his children should do chores, and eventually get a job when they are teens.

    “Matt, I heard your horrible conversation today about parenting. A few comments in response:

    1) Based on your remarks, I have to say I feel bad for your kids. You sound like the sort of person who never should have been a parent. You said you plain to teach your kids “how to think.” I guess this is common in right wing religious fundamentalist households. Personally, I let my child form his own conclusions about things. To impose your views on a child is tantamount to child abuse. Do them a favor, let them think FREELY.

    2) You greatly exaggerate the importance of “chores.” Also, the idea that a kid should be forced to “get a job” is abhorrent. My son was very gifted so we gave him all the tools to succeed academically. This meant we didn’t turn him into slave labor and we certainly didn’t tell him he needed to go work behind a cash register. He concentrated on his school work, and we did our job as parents and financially supported him.

    3) It’s easy to mock a “30 year old who lives with is parents.” My son is almost 29 and he’s been home with us since he graduated. Unfortunately the job market isn’t the greatest (maybe you hadn’t heard) and I’m not going to let him starve on the street. He has a college education, it’s pointless for him to be out working in a retail store or some other menial job. I will be here for him until he is able to get the job he deserves.

    You need to grow up, get some life experiences and then maybe you’ll have the right to sermonize about parenting.

    -Nick”

    Just a thought here, if Nick Jr. were so gifted wouldn’t he have been able to figure out how to make a living even in a bad economy?  This reminds me of a story.  About a month ago I went out with my best friend’s mother.  The event we went to was being held in the local VFW.  I was sitting at a table waiting for the event to get started.  While I was waiting this man came over and introduced himself.  For whatever reason he started telling me his life story.  He is in his 80’s.  He was telling me that when he was a young man his father forced him to get a job and would take most of his pay for rent.  He promised himself that he would never do that to his children.  He goes on to tell me that he never charged a dime in rent to any of his three children.  He then went on and told me that his 47-year-old son was still living at home and never paid rent.  He told me this story like it was a good thing.  I asked if his son was married?  He told me that his son had problems finding a “good woman”.  Hmm, is the fact that he is middle-aged and has never had any sense of caring for himself be part of the reason?

    I wasn’t rude and didn’t say anything to the man.  He believes that he has done his children a favor.  I happen to disagree.  I think it important to teach children a sense of responsibility.  I was having another conversation with another older gentleman he knows and he told me that he and his wife were having a conversation a few weeks ago and they have come to the realization that they never let their children grow up.  They did so much for them that they are constantly having problems in their lives when it comes to taking responsibility.  I am not at all surprised.

    Of course, as a parent, you should help your children when they are in trouble.  If they hit hard times while an adult, sure let them move in and help them out until the get back on their feet.  If you can afford it, throw them a little rent money if they need it.  But to be the only support system for them is not helping them.  It more than likely is hurting them.

    In the case of Nick, Jr, how does he date or even just go out with the friends if he has no income?  Are they also supporting his personal life?  I would think a man of that age wants to leave the house on occasion.  Does he have a car?  If so, who pays for that?  That would require insurance, gas, and the occasional repair, would it not?  What if he wants to go out for wings and a beer to watch Monday Night Football?

    We are raising a generation of people who can’t help themselves.  How exactly are they going to govern this country when their time inevitability comes?  A very terrifying thought.

    Here is Matt’s response to Nick.  It is a little meaner than I would ever be, but it is classic all the same:

    Dear Nick,

    1) Tell you what. How ’bout I blindfold you, drive you out into the middle of the desert at night, and then leave you there without a map or a GPS? It’ll be great. You can just travel FREELY. After all, who am I to bring you to this place and then presume to tell you how to navigate? I’m just the guy that kidnapped you and dumped you into a hostile, cold wilderness. It would be presumptuous and authoritative of me to offer you direction and guidance. So I’ll let you wander around aimlessly until you collapse exhausted in a ditch, and are eaten slowly by wild scavengers. You’re welcome. I mean, I assume you’ll be grateful. I’ll merely be applying your parenting technique to the situation.

    By the way, did you ever tell your kid not to play in the street? Did you instruct him about the dangers of hot stoves and fallen electrical wires? This is a quandary. See, if you imposed your anti-high voltage power line views on your kid, then apparently you’re guilty of abuse by your standards. However, if you didn’t, you’re guilty of reprehensible neglect by the standards of civilized human beings. I’m not an expert on parenting. I never claimed to be. But you don’t need to be an expert to know that one of the fundamental tasks of a parent — and this really speaks to the whole point of the endeavor — is to teach your child how to navigate the physical, moral, spiritual and intellectual dangers of life. This includes teaching them how to think, which could also be referred to as passing on your values and your worldview. If you have no interest in doing this, then I would suggest that you never really wanted a child — you wanted a friend. Now you have one. Living at home with you. Forever. Congratulations.

    2) Chores schmores. What can they teach a kid? Discipline, obedience, and hard work? Screw that. What is this, the 50′s? Listen, Nick, don’t take this the wrong way, but what leads you to the conclusion that your son is “gifted”? He can’t mow the lawn, work a job, earn a living, pay a bill, apply a skill, or support himself, yet he’s “gifted”? What are his gifts, exactly? You know, something tells me an astronaut’s parents never have to inform people that their child is “gifted.” People sort of pick up on that based on context clues. They behold his accomplishments and admire his achievements. They can SEE his gifts. He uses them, applies them, refines them. Your son MIGHT have gifts — the jury is still out — but whatever they may be, they’ll atrophy and whittle away the longer he spends lounging in a bean bag chair eating macaroni and cheese.

    3) So your brilliant and gifted 29 year old son would “starve” if he was forced to take care of himself? The “gifted” standard is getting lower by the day, isn’t it? I’ve been living independently and taking care of myself since before I could legally drink a Heineken. I guess that makes me a Nobel candidate — if your helpless grown adult son gets to set the bar for “gifted.”

    The kind of oblivious snobbery you display used to be reserved for classes of nobility and royalty. Now, any drooling schlub who spent 4 years getting drunk and fornicating at college can claim to be “too good” for almost every available job. Your son isn’t above anyone. He certainly isn’t superior to hard working cashiers and retail clerks who support themselves, raise families and live full lives, as your little snowflake hides under his bed while mommy makes him hot cocoa and tells him he’s special.

    News flash, Nick: Junior ain’t special. He graduated school, good for him. Anyone can do that if they’ve got money, time and no pressures or responsibilities from the outside world. Your little pumpkin doesn’t “deserve” a job. I wouldn’t hire him to dig a ditch, much less take on serious responsibilities of any kind. You can spend your whole life telling everyone what you and your son deserve, meanwhile the rest of us will be out in the world, earning, striving, accomplishing, living.

    Nick, it’s somewhat peculiar that you chose to end your email by chastising me for not having “life experiences.” I’m two years younger than Nick Jr and I’m married with two kids. I’ve got a career in broadcasting and goals for the future that I’m steadily working toward achieving. I’m not exactly at the point where I’ve got enough material to write my memoirs, but I’ll get there one day. In any case, you, my friend, need to take that “life experiences” lecture and bring it home to the pudgy couch potato sleeping in your basement.

    Thanks for the email.

    God speed,

    Matt

     
  • just a conservative girl 9:17 AM on 07/15/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , parenting, slippery slope,   

    Slippery Slope of Liberalism Part 9 

    So many mistreated babies and kids with Downs live terrible lives. Instead of throwing resources at a nonviable fetus, why can’t the church help children with Down syndrome that are already alive? Because anti-abortion folks care more about fetuses with fairytale narratives than actual babies.

    So says Katie Baker of Jezebel.  She is unhappy about the Down’s Syndrome baby that isn’t going to be aborted but instead adopted because a Catholic priest decided to try to give the birth parents another alternative besides abortion.

    It is any wonder that people are disgusted by the sometime rabid views of pro-abortion crowd?  Simply because a child has Down’s Syndrome, it is called a “nonviable” fetus.  How exactly is this “fetus” nonviable?  This child is going to a set of parents that not only willing to do the extra work that a special needs child requires, they want to do it.  They made a choice to raise this child.  They have their eyes wide open as they went out of their way to make a choice to raise this child.

    So you see abortion isn’t really about choice, because the birth parents and the adoptive parents have the made the “choice” to give this child life and yet they are still being called wrong and being ridiculed.  It is about weeding out the weakest amongst us.  A child with special needs can’t possibly have anything to offer the world, so kill them.  It isn’t enough that the vast majority of babies who are diagnosed are killed through abortion.  Apparently they won’t be happy until the 92% actually becomes 100%.

    What this author also doesn’t seem to understand is how much work that Catholic church does, not just in America, but worldwide to try to stop suffering.  All over this country you will find food banks, homeless shelters, clothing drives, and the like as outreach to the poor. One of the things that Catholic Charities excels at is hard to place adoptions.  They are able to find homes for children that state has given up on and normally will be housed in a state-run facility.  They want all children to have a healthy and happy environment.  I have a friend who adopted through Catholic charities, the mother became pregnant again.  They were contacted and asked if they wanted to raise their son’s sibling.  They do everything they can to try to keep families together, give to the poor, and help the downtrodden.  But I guess since it isn’t a government program it is no good.

     
  • just a conservative girl 3:05 PM on 06/28/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , parenting,   

    Twins are Ruining My Life – Mom Speaks after Dad’s Essay 

    You may remember the dad that was wishing away the impending birth of his twins.  His wife has decided to speak out as well:

     I don’t want to read the message boards that talk about what a joy twins are and how it’s so worth it and how “this too will pass” and what a blessing it is. When I complain that this pregnancy feels extremely more difficult than my first one, I don’t want to hear another doctor say, “Well it’s different – there are two.” None of this makes me feel any better. Quite frankly, it just pisses me off.

    Before pursuing fertility I was a positive person, a cheerleader type with the mindset that everything happens for a reason. Now I find my mindset has shifted. While I am grateful we are pregnant, I am changed. There has been too much pain, too much struggle, and not enough learning. The “glass half full” person is no longer. The twins are coming fast, and I don’t feel a sense of joy. Instead, I feel responsible. We only wanted one.

    She doesn’t read on message boards about the joy of the situation?  Well one must ask why did you and your husband decide to make your complaints so publicly?  Do you think you are doing some sort of public service by talking about how you don’t really want both of the children that you are carrying?

    There is no denying that it is somewhat human nature not to be able to see another point of view when you are going through an emotional time.  But the selfishness of both of these people is nothing short of stunning.  At least her husband didn’t put his name on his essay, but the wife decided to put it out there for all the world to see.  One of the biggest problems with that is that it will last forever and it may very well be read by her children one day.

    I don’t have twins so I have no idea what that is like.  But I do have several friends who do.  If they felt this way, they certainly didn’t share it with me.  One of my friends that had twins didn’t use fertility drugs/procedures, which would make it even more of a shock when it did happen.  Using fertility drugs does make it more likely that you will have multiple babies.  That is part of the process that was fully explained to this couple.  They admit that themselves.

    But I will tell you I was a person who desperately wanted children, I got ovarian cancer at a relatively young age and that dream was not very likely to come true.  It was heartbreaking.  I know people who have tried virtually everything under the sun to have a biological child and it just won’t happen.  It is not in God’s plan.  These families would give their eye tooth to be in this position.

    It seems that the desire to have additional children was not even something that they necessarily wanted:

    Yet despite these challenges, we still wanted another child – a sibling for our son, mind you, not so much for us. We spent the next two years trying to conceive. Every month when I would get my period, I didn’t just feel grief or disappointment – I was losing hope. I was exhausted and depressed. The emotional pain was incomprehensible to me. I was eroding as a person, losing weight and not being the best mom, wife, or professional.

    Did this woman think that having even one newborn with a three-year old would be easy?  Newborns need a great deal of attention, feedings, diaper changes, hugs, baths, and everything else that goes with it.  It would never be easy even if you had only one child.  You don’t have a child simply because you think your existing child needs a sibling.  That isn’t a very good reason.

    I wonder how much strain having two infants at the same time will put on my marriage and older son. We are not rich. We work hard to provide a good life for our son, and we have dreams, as all families do, of going to Disney, college, etc. I worry about how much of our attention and resources will be taken away from our firstborn. We also now need a bigger car and a bigger house. What had I done?

    I thought of colic, and the change that postpartum depression had inflicted on me the first time around. Why would the universe, God, karma, whatever, whomever think it was a good idea to bring forth twins in our lives? When would anything go my way? Before I had children, it seems like it used to.

    None of my friends that have twins are rich either.  They make due.  But it seems pretty clear that it comes down to this:

    I completely acknowledge that for many, the journey to conceive is more difficult than our story. I realize better people than me are out there feeling joyful and benefiting from a far sunnier perspective. For anyone who is worried about me and my husband, our son brings us a ton of joy. We are always amazed by how much we love him, and I’m sure this indescribable love will extend to his brothers. But for now, I’m having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

    Worried about you and your husband?  Honey, don’t you realize that most people are worried about your three sons?  They are the issue here, not how things are not going your way.

    If these parents don’t realize that there are many, many childless couples that would happily adopt one of those boys, they are sadly mistaken.

    Unreal.

     
  • just a conservative girl 11:16 AM on 06/11/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: crime rates, , fathers, high risk children, parenting, , richmond, single parents,   

    Happy Father’s Day – Richmond, VA Boasts a 60% Single Parent Home Rate 

    The City of Richmond, VA is one of the country’s leaders in single parent households.  This past weekend the city sponsored a Celebrate Fatherhood celebration in order to draw some attention to this very serious problem.  The number grows to 86% percent in black community of the city.

    Think about that, barely over 1 in 10 black children grow up in a two parent home.  That number is not just stunning, but horribly tragic.  Lets face it, a single parent has a much more difficult time raising a child when they don’t have another person in the home to help them.  There are things that have to be done, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, and all the other chores that have to be done to keep a household running.  When does this parent have time to read a book, throw a ball, help with homework?  I am not saying that single parents can’t be wonderful.  Many single parents do a great job.  But the problems that go along with being a single parent can’t be ignored.

    This isn’t even an American issue:

    The poverty rate for children living with a single parent has risen 15 per cent since 2001, up from 20.9 per cent to 24.1 per cent. The HILDA survey, managed by the University of Melbourne, has tracked social trends by interviewing the same 12,000 people each year since 2001.

    In America:

    Over one quarter of U.S. children under age 18 reside with only one of their parents, and as many as half of U.S. children may reside in a single parent family at some point in their childhood.  The vast majority – over 85% – of single parents are single mothers.

    Poverty is widespread and severe in single mother families.  According to the recently released Census Bureau data on poverty in 2010, people in single mother families had a poverty rate of 42.2% and an extreme poverty rate of 21.6%.

    There are very real reasons that women end up being single parents.  In some cases they leave an abusive relationship and are doing the very best that they can under difficult circumstances.  But one of the outcomes of so many children being raised in single parent homes is the fact they grow up thinking that men don’t/won’t stick around.  They grow up thinking that men are much more than a sperm donor.  It just creates more problems for future generations.

    Sadly, in the U.S. our government actually encourages single parent homes through our welfare system.  If you are married, you are basically punished.  It makes much more sense for a woman who is low-income to not marry.  While living on welfare certainly isn’t an easy life, getting benefits is far better than getting none even though your job skills are no different if you are married or single.

    Lets take a look at crime rates in Richmond:

    Richmond Crime Data

    CRIME INDEX
    8
    (100 is safest)Safer than 8% of
    the cities
    in the US.

    Richmond Annual Crimes

    VIOLENT PROPERTY TOTAL
    1,456 9,361 10,817
    annual crimes per 1,000 residents
    7.08 45.55 52.63

    Violent Crime Comparison per 1,000 residents

    NATIONAL MEDIAN3.9

    MY CHANCES OF BECOMING A VICTIM

    in Richmond 1 in 141

    in  Virginia 1 in 508

    7.08
    1.97
    Richmond Virginia
    Population 205,533
    Richmond violent crimes

    MURDER RAPE ROBBERY ASSAULT
    REPORT TOTAL 36 54 686 680
    RATE PER 1,000 0.18 0.26 3.34 3.31
    Population 311,591,917
    United States violent crimes
    MURDER RAPE ROBBERY ASSAULT
    REPORT TOTAL 14,612 83,425 354,396 751,131
    RATE PER 1,000 0.05 0.27 1.14 2.41

    Property Crime Rate Comparison per 1,000 residents

    NATIONAL MEDIAN29.1

    MY CHANCES OF BECOMING A VICTIM

    in Richmond 1 in 22

    in Virginia 1 in 44

    45.55
    22.50
    Richmond Virginia
    Population 205,533
    Richmond property crimes
    BURGLARY THEFT MOTOR VEHICLE THEFT
    REPORT TOTAL 1,924 6,500 937
    RATE PER 1,000 9.36 31.63 4.56
    Population 311,591,917
    United States property crimes
    BURGLARY THEFT MOTOR VEHICLE THEFT
    REPORT TOTAL 2,188,005 6,159,795 715,373
    RATE PER 1,000 7.02 19.77 2.30

    Crimes Per Square Mile

    NATIONAL MEDIAN 39.6

    173
    22
    Richmond Virginia

    92% of U.S. cities are safer than Richmond.  Which is really a shame.  If you have never been there, Richmond is a beautiful city filled with history.  But you need to be careful where you go or you will likely end up being a victim of crime.  Of course there will be some saying these two things are not connected.  The police chief disagrees with you.

    “I do know that a large of number of young folks we interact with do not have a father in their home and I think it’s on all of us to recognize a responsibility to help those children,” Chief Middleton said.

    Wouldn’t it be a good idea for the government to stop rewarding single parenthood?  From Web MD:

    In the latest study, reported in the Jan. 25 issue of The Lancet, European researchers reveal that the risks facing children living with one parent may be even more widespread and immediate. They found the risk of suicide was more than twice as high among children in one-parent households compared with those living with both parents

    Children in single-parent homes were also twice as likely to have a psychiatric disease, have alcohol-related problems, and were up to four times more likely to abuse drugs

    Gee, what a good idea to support that.

    “We have a major father absenteeism issue in Richmond,” First Things First Executive Director Truin Huntle said. “I wish more people were discussing why this is such a major issue. We see more people beginning to give some credence to it because they are looking for the root cause of other issues like childhood poverty, poor performance in school. Father absenteeism, broken homes, broken marriages and teen pregnancy are continually being found as the root cause of those problems.”

    This is a man who is on the front lines in Richmond, working every day to help children and fathers.  Maybe he is someone worth listening to.

     
    • Ike 10:22 AM on 06/12/2013 Permalink | Reply

      And what is it that the government can do to fix this mess that its policies helped to create? Not a damned thing that will work; lots of highly-touted cosmetic actions, but nothing that will reverse the increased (and increasing) percentage of single-parent (single moms mostly) families. And what does that mean? More and more kids will grow up with little or no impulse control, no interest in learning, no interest in doing anything constructive for themselves, let alone anyone else. The cancer grows and it’s too late for surgery, too late for radiation, too late for chemotherapy … what outcome do you expect??

  • just a conservative girl 9:59 AM on 06/04/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , narravo, parenting, stay at home dads,   

    Mint Juleps and the Stay at Home Mom (or Dad) 

    “There are some people who want to lean in. There are some people who want to lean back and be on a rocking chair drinking a mint julep.”

    Yep, this is the latest attack on SAHM’s.  Sadly, this one came from a “republican”, Ana Navarro on Meet the Press over the weekend.

    It is now almost 10:15.  I have made breakfast on two different occasions.  I am on my second load of laundry, I have read three books, hung some crayon art, and am presently getting ready for some finger painting.  I will need to make some lunches, pick someone up from school about an hour after that.  Then I will have snack time and listen to all the adventures that went on in school today.   Two play dates will follow the snacks.  My kitchen floor is a mess and must be cleaned today (I hope anyway).  Grocery shopping must be done before dinner if I want to eat.  I have dishes that need to be put away, fold the laundry, put it away, take the dog out for her walk (which I try to make at least a mile, she is a big dog and needs a great deal of exercise).   I will have a few more stories to read before the day is over, bath times, a dinner to make, a birthday cake to bake for tomorrow, a church meeting to attend, a blog to keep up with, a man that I need pay attention to as well.   Oh yeah, I have yet to make the beds, I am still somewhat getting a new house in order, three handwritten thank you notes to write; I guess I have a stop at the post office to make too!  The flower beds need some tending, I had the windows opened last night to save a little money on the electric bill, so the chances are good I have to wipe off the window sills; allergies.  

    She then went on to slam the even smaller community of  the SAHD:

    When I say in my house that I want to be a kept woman, the answer I get back is I want to be a kept man. So, you know, that`s not working — it`s not working in my house.

    A kept woman?  That is what she thinks I am.  I looked up recently the costs of what I do every day.  It is about $60K per year.  Personally I think that is very low.   I think I am being way underpaid, but I don ‘t mind.  This is what I CHOOSE to do.  I am not being forced, I am not doing this against my will, nor do I put other women who make other choices down.  Some families simply cannot afford for a parent to stay home.  Some women put a great deal of time into getting an education (I graduated from an Ivy League school by the way) and decide not to put that on hold while raising their children.

    I know plenty of single mothers who have done an incredible job raising their kids.  One of my high school friends has two kids in college now and they both are honor students, very motivated, happy, healthy, well-adjusted young adults figuring out their place in the world.  I also know people who had stay at home moms are very troubled.  There is no one way to guarantee your children will grow up to be well-adjusted adults, but virtually all studies show that children that have both parents in the home and a mother who stays at home statistically will do better.

    Wanting to give that best chance to my children doesn’t make me lazy or someone who is sitting in a rocking chair drinking day after day.  It well past time that women stop putting down other women and their choices they make for their familes.

    stay at home mom

     
    • kerry 10:20 AM on 06/04/2013 Permalink | Reply

      Wow, I’d love to sit around drinking mint juleps all day. Where do I sign up for that gig? Because I can’t do that now as a sahm … This is just another example of why republicans are the party of stupid. The left doesn’t need to attack the conservative base at all because repubs are all too willing to do it for them.

      • just a conservative girl 11:05 AM on 06/04/2013 Permalink | Reply

        It is amazing to me that someone who is a mother doesn’t have a clue how hard it is to stay at home with your kids all day.

  • just a conservative girl 9:51 AM on 05/11/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , parenting, substance abuse   

    Love for Your Mom – Even When it isn’t Easy 

    This weekend is always hard for me.  Mother’s Day isn’t exactly one of my favorites of the year.  My mother and I don’t get along, at all.  Matter of fact we have barely spoken for about five years now.  The easiest thing would be to just act like it isn’t happening, denial always being a good escape for the things you don’t want to face.  But that rarely helps anything or anyone.

    My parents marriage was difficult, and I think I am being kind by saying that.  My father was the town drunk and while my parents never divorced she had to carry the weight of caring for the house and the kids basically on her own.  Now, as a child I couldn’t see that.  I just saw the chaos and the turmoil.  I resented it and I resented her.  Giving my father a pass was easier in a way because you could always point to his drinking problems as the root cause of why he behaved the way he did.  The other parent, well that isn’t so easy.

    In my late teens and early twenties I did a great deal of reading on co-dependant relationships and people with substance abuse problems.  Her reactions weren’t all that uncommon.  Matter of fact my family reacted “normally” for the situation.  For some strange reason children of substance abusers seem to find each other as adults.  Most children end up either a substance abuser or married to one, the number is something like close to 70%.  I am neither.  But I have played around on the edges of both.  I rarely drink today, but that wasn’t always the case.  I also was engaged to a man who not only drank but used drugs as well.  It was all part of my quest to find a man that would “stop” for me.  I grew up, got over it, and removed him from my life.  Of course it wasn’t as easy as that, but as painful as it was I did it.  But oddly, instead of helping me understand my mother’s predicament better, it made me resent her more.  I walked away, why couldn’t she?

    My mother is also one of those highly critical people.  Nothing I did ever seemed to be good enough.  Right down to the nail polish color I used was criticized.  Nothing I have ever done was ever good enough.  I was one of the first people in my family to graduate college.  I thought that would be a big one.  That would get me some loving approval right?  Wrong.  She didn’t even come to my college graduation.  It wasn’t that “big of a deal”.  I was once told that no decent man would want me, nor would I be a good mother.  Those hurtful comments along with my depression had a great effect on how I view the world as well as how I view myself.

    I spent a great deal of my life looking for that approval, and many cases I looked in all the wrong places.  It has taken a long time to let the bitterness of it all go.  I am not even sure if it is really all gone, but I can deal with better; now that we don’t talk.  I can keep it over there.  Out of sight, out of mind so to speak.  Not the really the best plan, but it has worked for me.  It has allowed me to move on and get to a better place in my life.  To have relationships that are built on mutual respect instead of a quest for approval.

    But underneath it all, the desire to love my mom as openly as many others do is still there.  I also now know that if you spoke to my mom she would tell you how amazing I am.  She tells people that I have a kind heart, that I am intelligent, and the amazement that she had that I ended up working in politics and the passion that I have for it.  She worries about me constantly.  You see we have this odd sort of communication.  Mutual friends unfairly get put in the middle of this ongoing battle and they keep us informed of the happenings in each others lives, since I have no communication with any of my family at all.

    My mother is getting up there in years and she won’t be around forever.  I know in my head that the time to make peace is now.  I never had that chance with my dad.  While it shouldn’t have been, his death was very unexpected and seemed so sudden.  He had health problems, but I guess I always expected his exit of the world to be far more dramatic than sitting down and dying while he was preparing dinner.  It was so ordinary and pedestrian to the point that it threw my whole family off.  I have always believed he knew it was coming, he called many people shortly before his death, and by shortly I mean hours and minutes even.  My phone call came about one hour prior.  He called to tell me I had mail at his house.  Very odd.

    I have figured out that now no matter what your relationship to your parent is, the draw to them is always there.  The desire to have a loving relationship is too strong to deny.  Now, there will be times that having that relationship will be unhealthy, but it doesn’t change the need to have it.  You will always miss it.  You will always mourn that you don’t have it.

    I could pick up the phone this weekend, but I doubt I will.  I can use the excuse that I don’t have her phone number.  But I know I can get easily, if I wanted to.  I am still not ready.  I am still scared to open up that can of worms and find that the pain is still too real.  But I can openly and honestly say that I love my mother.  That I miss not having a relationship with her, and that I think my life would more complete if we were closer.

    So Happy Mother’s Day to  a woman who isn’t easy, has brought a great deal of pain into my life, but is still my mom.

     
    • sally1137 10:21 AM on 05/11/2013 Permalink | Reply

      You might try calling her and just letting any abuse wash away like water off the proverbial duck’s back. Then, when the time comes that she’s gone, you will at least feel you gave it a shot. I don’t think you’ll regret that.

      My mom’s 92, and went through a lot raising 12 kids with an alcoholic husband, (seven alone after his death) so she’s pretty much earned the right to be crabby to me. Most of the time she’s not, though. But if she is, well, she’s my mom, so she gets a lotta leeway.

    • signpainterguy 8:05 AM on 05/12/2013 Permalink | Reply

      HAPPY MOTHER`S DAY to all the Mom`s here ! You are each and every one so very special !

  • just a conservative girl 11:37 PM on 05/10/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , parenting, step parents   

    An Ode to Step Mothers on Mother’s Day 

    This weekend across the country countless people will be paying tribute to their Moms, as they should.  Moms are very important in our lives.  Most moms give everything they have to raise their children to be healthy, happy, well-adjusted adults.  They are an integral part of our childhoods and society as a whole.  But sadly, not many will be talking about the role of step mothers.

    We live in a society, for good or for bad, that have many blended families.  The divorce rates show that.  In a perfect world we would raise our children in the nuclear family, but we don’t live in a perfect world.  Without getting into the right and wrong of this phenomenon we have to accept that it exists.

    More and more people are getting married later in life and putting off having children.  Sadly many women that put off having children then find themselves in the unfortunate situation of not being able to conceive on their own.  In many cases these women are just the “stepmom”.

    Step-Mothers have gotten a bad rap for longest time now.  Some of that is well deserved I am sure.  But many women out there are doing extraordinary things in helping to raise children into adulthood.  There are giving their all in helping their husbands parent, yet they are told by society that they don’t know what it is like to be a “mom”.

    Giving birth isn’t what really makes you a mommy.  Being one of those is a very different thing than being a mother.  Being there for a child is a very rewarding experience, even considering how hard it is.  Most parents wouldn’t trade their kids for anything in the world.  I wish I could say all parents would say that, but they don’t.

    Many women out there put everything they have into raising kids that they didn’t give birth to, sometimes in very difficult circumstances.  They are subjected to children who look at them as the impediment that is keeping their parents apart and sometimes the former spouses do everything possible to keep children feeling that way.  Sadly many children are put in the middle of love that has gone bad.  That is a very difficult situation to find yourself in when you are trying to make a relationship work and deal with children that are not your own.

    Step children in many cases have developed trust issues due to the break-up of their parents, which is perfectly understandable.  The Step Mom must overcome these issues as well as dealing with her own day-to-day stresses of everyday life.

    Step mom’s still deal with sick children, homework, the temper tantrums, the balancing of work and family, and in many cases does this without the credit from the rest of society.  She is often put in the position that she has to bite her tongue to keep the peace and she makes many of the same sacrifices that any parent must make.

    So for those that have step parents in their lives just remember they deserve a little call out this weekend as well.

     
    • signpainterguy 8:07 AM on 05/12/2013 Permalink | Reply

      HAPPY STEP-MOM`S DAY ! You are special, needed and wanted too !

  • just a conservative girl 12:48 PM on 05/03/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , parenting   

    Over-Parenting our Way to Demise 

    I have long felt that as a society we have lost our way.  I also truly believe that a great deal of this is about parenting.  We over parent our children to the point that they feel they are owed something.  A friend is a nursery school teacher and she pointed me towards this article aptly named A Nation of Wimps.

    I think that is an accurate name for what is going on in our society. Everyone is trying to protect their children to the point that we not allowing them to grow and mature.

    Behold the wholly sanitized childhood without skinned knees or the occasional C in history. “Kids need to feel badly sometimes,” says child psychologist David Elkind, professor at Tufts University. “We learn through experience and we learn through bad experiences. Through failure we learn how to cope.”

    Yes, failing at times is a good thing.  We learn from it.  Children at some point are going to become an adult that will have to make choices, and not all of those choices will be good ones.  Having a few failures gives them the background to figure out what choices are better than others.  I will fully admit that sometimes all the choices are bad, but you still have to learn which choices will give the best possible outcome.

    No one doubts that there are significant economic forces pushing parents to invest so heavily in their children’s outcome from an early age. But taking all the discomfort, disappointment and even the play out of development, especially while increasing pressure for success, turns out to be misguided by just about 180 degrees. With few challenges all their own, kids are unable to forge their creative adaptations to the normal vicissitudes of life. That not only makes them risk-averse, it makes them psychologically fragile, riddled with anxiety. In the process they’re robbed of identity, meaning and a sense of accomplishment, to say nothing of a shot at real happiness. Forget, too, about perseverance, not simply amoral virtue but a necessary life skill. These turn out to be the spreading psychic fault lines of 21st-century youth. Whether we want to or not, we’re on our way to creating a nation of wimps.

    Every parent wants what is best for their children.  It is instinct to hope that your child will live a life that is “easier” than you did.  But the fact remains that every life will have disappointments, failures, and expectations that won’t be reached.  It happens to all of us.  You need to teach your children the ability to pick themselves up and brush themselves off.  There will come a time that you will not be there for them.

    College, it seems, is where the fragility factor is now making its greatest mark. It’s where intellectual and developmental tracks converge as the emotional training wheels come off. By all accounts, psychological distress is rampant on college campuses. It takes a variety of forms, including anxiety and depression—which are increasingly regarded as two faces of the same coin—binge drinking and substance abuse, self-mutilation and other forms of disconnection. The mental state of students is now so precarious for so many that, says Steven Hyman, provost of Harvard University and former director of the National Institute of Mental Health, “it is interfering with the core mission of the university.”

    The severity of student mental health problems has been rising since 1988, according to an annual survey of counseling center directors. Through 1996, the most common problems raised by students were relationship issues. That is developmentally appropriate, reports Sherry Benton, assistant director of counseling at Kansas State University. But in 1996, anxiety overtook relationship concerns and has remained the major problem. The University of Michigan Depression Center, the nation’s first, estimates that 15 percent of college students nationwide are suffering from that disorder alone.

    I read something recently that talked about the percentage of parents that expected a phone call from their children who were out of the home attending college.  I can’t remember the exact number but it was about half of parents surveyed.  How exactly do these kids learn to do things for themselves when Mommy and Daddy are still keeping tabs on everything that they are doing?

    Some of this is showing up in very disturbing ways:

    Relationship problems haven’t gone away; their nature has dramatically shifted and the severity escalated. Colleges report ever more cases of obsessive pursuit, otherwise known as stalking, leading to violence, even death. Anorexia or bulimia in florid or subclinical form now afflicts 40 percent of women at some time in their college career. Eleven weeks into a semester, reports psychologist Russ Federman, head of counseling at the University of Virginia, “all appointment slots are filled. But the students don’t stop coming.”

    Drinking, too, has changed. Once a means of social lubrication, it has acquired a darker, more desperate nature. Campuses nationwide are reporting record increases in binge drinking over the past decade, with students often stuporous in class, if they get there at all. Psychologist Paul E. Joffe, chair of the suicide prevention team at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, contends that at bottom binge-drinking is a quest for authenticity and intensity of experience. It gives young people something all their own to talk about, and sharing stories about the path to passing out is a primary purpose. It’s an inverted world in which drinking to oblivion is the way to feel connected and alive.

    “There is a ritual every university administrator has come to fear,” reports John Portmann, professor of religious studies at the University of Virginia. “Every fall, parents drop off their well-groomed freshmen and within two or three days many have consumed a dangerous amount of alcohol and placed themselves in harm’s way. These kids have been controlled for so long, they just go crazy.”

    Why would we feel that is a good idea?  The numbers of young woman who have said that they have been abused in relationship is frightening.  While I am not denying the pathology that is behind people staying in an abusive relationship exists, but many of these kids are not coming from abusive homes, which lowers the risk of the them being abused as an adult.

    Talk to a college president or administrator and you’re almost certainly bound to hear tales of the parents who call at 2 a.m. to protest Branden’s C in economics because it’s going to damage his shot at grad school.

    Shortly after psychologist Robert Epstein announced to his university students that he expected them to work hard and would hold them to high standards, he heard from a parent—on official judicial stationery—asking how he could dare mistreat the young. Epstein, former editor-in-chief of Psychology Today, eventually filed a complaint with the California commission on judicial misconduct, and the judge was censured for abusing his office—but not before he created havoc in the psychology department at the University of California, San Diego.

    I also was reading some stories from hiring directors about the millennium generation and their job interviewing skills.  They are pretty poor:

    A college senior brought her cat into an interview for a buyer’s position at clothing retailer American Eagle. She set the crate-housed cat on the interviewer’s desk and periodically played with it. “It hit me like — why would you think that’s OK?” says Mark Dillon, the chain’s former recruiting director. “She cut herself off before she had a chance.”

    • Helicoptering parents. A man in his late 20s brought his father into a 45-minute interview for a material handling job on an assembly line, says Teri Nichols, owner of a Spherion staffing-agency in Brooksville, Fla. At Cigna, a health insurance provider, the father of a recent grad who received an offer for a sales job, called to negotiate a higher salary, says Paula Welch, a Cigna HR consultant.

    While yes the story about the cat is funny, it is also very scary.  These kids are going to be running the country one day and they think bringing a cat to an interview is acceptable behavior.  I think it can be a good idea for a parent to help their child through the first job interview process and teaching them about negotiating a salary, those are necessary skills to have over your lifetime.  But you don’t make the call yourself.

    It is any wonder that kids today don’t understand the concept of responsiblity and hard work?

    Although we’re well on our way to making kids more fragile, no one thinks that kids and young adults are fundamentally more flawed than in previous generations. Maybe many will “recover” from diagnoses too liberally slapped on to them. In his own studies of 14 skills he has identified as essential for adulthood in American culture, from love to leadership, Epstein has found that “although teens don’t necessarily behave in a competent way, they have the potential to be every bit as competent and as incompetent as adults.”

    It is all in our hands parents.  Are we up to the task?

     
    • sally1137 2:13 PM on 05/03/2013 Permalink | Reply

      Reblogged this on Tin Foil Hat Book Club.

      • just a conservative girl 8:01 PM on 05/03/2013 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, always appreciated.

    • Robin H 2:49 PM on 05/05/2013 Permalink | Reply

      I’m sending my oldest to college in the fall. My greatest hope for him is to make friends with others that are as capable as he is. I’ve raised him in the traditional fashion of, if you fall, get up and deal with it. I don’t go to high school teacher conferences, by high school he should learn how to deal with his teachers. He’s been doing his own laundry since he was 12 and he can cook himself some food when he’s hungry. If by chance he meets kids in college that are helpless, I’ve taught him to sell his laundry services. He’s becoming quite the capitalist.

      • just a conservative girl 7:55 PM on 05/07/2013 Permalink | Reply

        Good for you and for him. There are life skills that all kids need to know, laundry being one of them.

  • just a conservative girl 2:42 PM on 05/01/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , fertility clinics, parenting, pressil, sperm donors,   

    The Brave New World of Having Babies – Woman Steals Sperm from Condoms, Goes to Clinic, Sues for Child Support 

    A Texas exotic dancer has 4-year-old twins.  She became pregnant around the time that a relationship with her then boyfriend was coming to an end.  The man, Joseph Pressil, says he was surprised when she told him she was pregnant because they always used condoms.  Not so fast there Joseph.  Apparently you weren’t dumping your sperm down the toilet.  You gave her the chance to hide your little swimmers, then rush them over to the fertility clinic.

    That’s right.  She kept the sperm and used it during IVF treatments.  The Clinic never bothered to check where the sperm was coming from and if she had permission to use it.  The IVF treatment obviously took.  Pressil has taken responsibility for his actions and has joint custody of the kids.  But, he has decided to file a lawsuit against the fertility clinic for using his sperm without his permission.

    While I would like to think that this is a rare occurrence, but how do we know?  I mean many women out there put off having children to concentrate on their careers.  The longer you wait, the harder it becomes to get pregnant the natural way.  Hence the multi dollar business of fertility clinics.

    I am not going to try to put down people who desperately want children and can’t seem to get there the “natural” way.  I have been in that position myself and believe me, it is horrible and heartbreaking.  But doesn’t this clinic have some sort of responsibility to find out where this sperm comes from?  Don’t they require a signature from the man at the very least?

    Can anyone just walk in off the street with vial full of sperm and say hey, get me pregnant.  This just furthers my belief that as a society we have taken away rights from men when it comes to “reproductive rights”.  All the talk goes to the woman’s side.  She can kill her child at will with no input from the father of the child, and apparently you can go get yourself knocked up without speaking to him either.  Do men have any rights in this process anymore?

    We wonder why society more and more views men as nothing more than sperm donors; marriage is on the decline and single parenthood is on the rise.  I guess what is good for the children is a just a secondary thing.  Ain’t no thing I guess.

    I hope he gets millions and puts this clinic out of business.

     

     
    • Shadley Wiegman 3:20 PM on 05/01/2013 Permalink | Reply

      Agree! And it was deceptive and underhanded by the woman. However, he shouldn’t have been having sex with her anyway. If we do it God’s way……………….

  • just a conservative girl 10:25 PM on 04/30/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , parenting, , selfish,   

    Quote of the Day – Selfish Anonymous Dad to Be 

    As horrible as this might sound, we found ourselves wishing these twins away.

    We considered a reduction for about 30 seconds. (That’s essentially an abortion of one twin, not both.) If you thought that IVF involved playing God, a reduction felt beyond brazen — Machiavellian, even. Give us a reason, we thought, as we had the twins tested for genetic anomalies. None came.

    Two blessings, two bundles of joy. How could you not be happy, you ask? Of course I’m sympathetic to people who can’t get pregnant, or who spend a couple of years trying IVF after IVF. But having kids is a selfish endeavor, and in these cases it’s all very relative and highly personal. In our case, my wife and I know better than to think that life with three children is going to be perfect.

    An anonymous dad to be.  Selfish to the bone.  Yeah it is easy for me to judge as I never had twins.  But the point is that having children isn’t a vanity thing.  It is hard work.  In many ways twins are somewhat easier because they will keep each other occupied as they grow and mature.  I do have friends that have twins, and not one of them has ever expressed anything even remotely close to this.  We are really in sad shape as a society.

    Seriously, I can think of four woman off the top of my head that cannot have children.  They would give almost anything to be in this “mess”.

    RTR if you dare.  They were hoping for some genetic issues to justify aborting one.  Wow, I am sure the children will be happy as all get out to hear that story one day.

     
  • just a conservative girl 2:22 PM on 04/24/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , parenting, , savader, ,   

    Republican Intern Adam Savader Arrested for Alleged Sexual Extortion Scheme – Don’t Parents Talk to Their Children about Taking Naked Photos of Themselves? 

    Normally this isn’t the type of story I would do a post about.  People do creepy things in this day and age.  But, since I know this guy I am intrigued by this story.  Adam worked as an intern for the Romney Campaign and also was a paid staffer for the Newt Campaign.  My regular readers may remember that a very good friend of mine was also a paid staffer for Newt.  As such, after I realized that I wasn’t all that jazzed with the choices we had in the last round, I did decide to go and work for the Newt campaign as well.  I wasn’t paid, but I did a great deal of work on a volunteer basis.  I enjoyed spending time with my bud, and I learned a great deal doing it.  This is where I met Adam.

    Adam had always struck me a little awkward, but I am very shocked to hear this.  I talked to people who I still am in contact with from the Newt campaign last night and they are just as shocked as I am.  One of these friends just had him as a houseguest recently.  Another said:

    I’m just shocked!!! I just thought he was a very severe young guy who would eventually loosen up!! WOW!!

    Now he has been arrested for trying to blackmail women to send him nude photos of themselves.  Apparently he somehow came across pictures of naked women, found out their identities and tried to blackmail them into sending more photos or he would publicly release the photos that he found.  Creepy, very creepy.  Obviously under our justice system he is considered innocent until proven otherwise.  He is facing up to five years in federal prison.  Since he is only 21 years old, that is very sad.  This will take away his voting privileges for life, his desire to work in politics is now over, and even though it will be a federal prison, it won’t be fun.  Seeing naked pictures of women is pretty easy so why he felt he needed to go to this extreme is profoundly confusing, except to say again, that I found him to be very awkward.  He was 21 so why couldn’t just go and buy a Playboy is something that I just don’t understand.

    But I must ask myself why is it that he was able to find naked pictures of women seemingly so easily?  Don’t parents have this discussion with their daughters?  I don’t know how old these women are exactly, but apparently they were all college aged.  It seems that they were students with him at the same college.

    We live in an age where virtually everyone has a camera on them at all times.  I know no one that doesn’t have at least a camera on their cell phone.  Even mine which is the cheapest of all services still has a camera and the ability to upload those photos easily.  Most young Americans are on some sort of social media; twitter and Facebook to name just two.  Virtually everyone in the country has access to email.  Is it common to put naked pics of yourself in these forums?  I have never done it (thank God for small miracles) and never would.  I wouldn’t even think that sending a naked photo of myself over the internet to the man in my life would be a good idea.  The reality is this, once you put it out over the internet, it is no longer private.  As much as we would like to think that it is, it just isn’t.  Facebook’s policy is quite clear, you cannot expect privacy from what you post.  It is out there.  Any photos that I put on this blog are out there and become public domain.  Hence the reason you don’t see photos of my family and loved ones on this blog.  I refuse to do it.

    I am in no way trying to blame the alleged victims in this case, but what I am saying is don’t we have conversations with our kids about the very real dangers of social media?  We live in a world that has crazy on every corner and you never really know what someone is going to do.  Apparently these young women did have naked photos of themselves, in some cases stored in their email accounts.  Isn’t that bizarre?  Why would you have naked photos of yourself in your email?  Is this a normal thing now with college aged kids?  I don’t recall knowing anyone who did this when I was in college.

    I know my parents never had these conversations with me, but in their in defense I didn’t grow up in the time of everyone having a cell phone and internet access.  My parents never really had to have this discussion with me, and beyond that I have always been shy about these types of things anyway.  I can’t imagine letting anyone taking a picture of me naked.

    Now, I was just reading the other day that a school system in New York was running an anti-bullying campaign in the school where they had the girls role play being a lesbian and asking their classmates for a kiss.  That is something that the school spends time on, but are they addressing this issue?  It would seem to me that this is an issue that is far more important than teaching teenagers how to pick up same-sex partners, but hey that is just me.

    I want to make it perfectly clear, if Adam is guilty, he belongs in jail.  He should be punished to the fullest extent of the law.  Again, I am not blaming the young women here, but I am asking if we are doing enough, as parents, to discuss the real dangers that exist in our technology driven society?  It seems to me that the answer is apparently not.

    I guess now I know why he was on social media constantly during the day.

    H/T The Other McCain

     
  • just a conservative girl 12:02 PM on 04/04/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , parenting,   

    Extreme Parenting Part 11 

    This father took the bull by the horns about his daughter lying about her age on Facebook.  She is only 13 and was telling boys that she was 17.

    Now, I personally don’t think that allowing a 13-year-old on Facebook is a good idea, for this very reason.  She doesn’t have the understanding of the kind danger she has put herself in.

    This dad also saved these boys a huge headache.  An older boy can get labeled a sex offender for life when a girl lies about her age.

    I say this is a good dad and good parenting.  What say you?

     
  • just a conservative girl 11:14 PM on 01/28/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ct, , gun violence, , parenting, sandy hook   

    Sandy Hook Parent Speaks to CT Legislator on Gun Laws 

    This man has suffered the greatest pain any person can ever feel, the loss of a child.  His testimony is emotional and spot on.  Gun laws isn’t the problem, it is the culture.

     
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