WARREN DRINKING GAME Or How To Pad Your Resume and Get Elected

The latest composite achievement of the highly sophisticated set who pad their past with moments of victimhood as resume enhancers, is Elizabeth Warren’s claim to be the first woman to breast feed and take the bar in New Jersey. Verification of her lactation litigation feat was not deemed possible. I did not know that being able to nurse a baby was a qualification for elective office, I rather thought sucking from the public teat was the prerequisite. Ergo, the baby is more qualified than she.

However, given that Elizabeth Warren was the Jamie Lynne Grumet on Time Magazine of the law before there was a Jamie Lynne Grumet on Time magazine, I do think we have the makings of a fabulous 50 Something better’s type bar game as a result of her political resume.

Simply look at your own life and craft your own unique victimhood earning bonus points from the constituency for your hardship narrative and claim a senate seat or a stiff shot of your favorite adult beverage as your prize. Warning, first claims out of the bag will be graded on originality and they must meet the strictest credulity standard, they must be lame and unprovable as Warren’s.  Plausibility is extra credit.

I’ll start.

I should be considered for a job as CEO of a major bus company in the south because I can back a twelve passenger van down a curvy 1/10th of a mile driveway backwards.

Whoops, that’s provable. I can do that and there are witnesses.  This is harder than I thought.

I should be considered as a potential candidate for the Supreme Court because I hear cases every day from 10 different children who all want two things, a ruling in their favor, and lunch.

Again, there is evidence so this won’t work.

How about, I’m a 7th generation Texan…(oops…have documents, how stupid of me)…okay….thinking hard….

How about this….

Because I’ve had ten children, I should be given an honorary medical degree and be allowed to become an OBGYN. Wait, half of that is true.

Because I’ve been married for 22 years, I should be considered an expert on relationships. That’s true too –sorry.

Because I’ve never been drunk, I should be made a Sommelier.  Aha! We have a winner…but no one would believe me.  So that doesn’t work either.

Because I haven’t bought Facebook Stock, and thus haven’t made anyone lose money, I should get to ring the opening bell. I can’t prove I haven’t lost people money, and I want to ring the opening bell…so that should be sufficient.

Because I haven’t been on a reality television show, I should have one.  excepting…that might get me one…ewwwwww.

Your turn. I stink at this drinking game…but maybe it’s because I’ve never been drunk.

One thing Elizabeth Warren has illustrated with her career…it takes dedication to the craft to say such things with a straight face and perfect earnestness if only to gain sympathy.  I may need a stiff drink if she’s elected.