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  • just a conservative girl 9:51 AM on 05/11/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Mother's Day, , substance abuse   

    Love for Your Mom – Even When it isn’t Easy 

    This weekend is always hard for me.  Mother’s Day isn’t exactly one of my favorites of the year.  My mother and I don’t get along, at all.  Matter of fact we have barely spoken for about five years now.  The easiest thing would be to just act like it isn’t happening, denial always being a good escape for the things you don’t want to face.  But that rarely helps anything or anyone.

    My parents marriage was difficult, and I think I am being kind by saying that.  My father was the town drunk and while my parents never divorced she had to carry the weight of caring for the house and the kids basically on her own.  Now, as a child I couldn’t see that.  I just saw the chaos and the turmoil.  I resented it and I resented her.  Giving my father a pass was easier in a way because you could always point to his drinking problems as the root cause of why he behaved the way he did.  The other parent, well that isn’t so easy.

    In my late teens and early twenties I did a great deal of reading on co-dependant relationships and people with substance abuse problems.  Her reactions weren’t all that uncommon.  Matter of fact my family reacted “normally” for the situation.  For some strange reason children of substance abusers seem to find each other as adults.  Most children end up either a substance abuser or married to one, the number is something like close to 70%.  I am neither.  But I have played around on the edges of both.  I rarely drink today, but that wasn’t always the case.  I also was engaged to a man who not only drank but used drugs as well.  It was all part of my quest to find a man that would “stop” for me.  I grew up, got over it, and removed him from my life.  Of course it wasn’t as easy as that, but as painful as it was I did it.  But oddly, instead of helping me understand my mother’s predicament better, it made me resent her more.  I walked away, why couldn’t she?

    My mother is also one of those highly critical people.  Nothing I did ever seemed to be good enough.  Right down to the nail polish color I used was criticized.  Nothing I have ever done was ever good enough.  I was one of the first people in my family to graduate college.  I thought that would be a big one.  That would get me some loving approval right?  Wrong.  She didn’t even come to my college graduation.  It wasn’t that “big of a deal”.  I was once told that no decent man would want me, nor would I be a good mother.  Those hurtful comments along with my depression had a great effect on how I view the world as well as how I view myself.

    I spent a great deal of my life looking for that approval, and many cases I looked in all the wrong places.  It has taken a long time to let the bitterness of it all go.  I am not even sure if it is really all gone, but I can deal with better; now that we don’t talk.  I can keep it over there.  Out of sight, out of mind so to speak.  Not the really the best plan, but it has worked for me.  It has allowed me to move on and get to a better place in my life.  To have relationships that are built on mutual respect instead of a quest for approval.

    But underneath it all, the desire to love my mom as openly as many others do is still there.  I also now know that if you spoke to my mom she would tell you how amazing I am.  She tells people that I have a kind heart, that I am intelligent, and the amazement that she had that I ended up working in politics and the passion that I have for it.  She worries about me constantly.  You see we have this odd sort of communication.  Mutual friends unfairly get put in the middle of this ongoing battle and they keep us informed of the happenings in each others lives, since I have no communication with any of my family at all.

    My mother is getting up there in years and she won’t be around forever.  I know in my head that the time to make peace is now.  I never had that chance with my dad.  While it shouldn’t have been, his death was very unexpected and seemed so sudden.  He had health problems, but I guess I always expected his exit of the world to be far more dramatic than sitting down and dying while he was preparing dinner.  It was so ordinary and pedestrian to the point that it threw my whole family off.  I have always believed he knew it was coming, he called many people shortly before his death, and by shortly I mean hours and minutes even.  My phone call came about one hour prior.  He called to tell me I had mail at his house.  Very odd.

    I have figured out that now no matter what your relationship to your parent is, the draw to them is always there.  The desire to have a loving relationship is too strong to deny.  Now, there will be times that having that relationship will be unhealthy, but it doesn’t change the need to have it.  You will always miss it.  You will always mourn that you don’t have it.

    I could pick up the phone this weekend, but I doubt I will.  I can use the excuse that I don’t have her phone number.  But I know I can get easily, if I wanted to.  I am still not ready.  I am still scared to open up that can of worms and find that the pain is still too real.  But I can openly and honestly say that I love my mother.  That I miss not having a relationship with her, and that I think my life would more complete if we were closer.

    So Happy Mother’s Day to  a woman who isn’t easy, has brought a great deal of pain into my life, but is still my mom.

     
    • sally1137 10:21 AM on 05/11/2013 Permalink | Reply

      You might try calling her and just letting any abuse wash away like water off the proverbial duck’s back. Then, when the time comes that she’s gone, you will at least feel you gave it a shot. I don’t think you’ll regret that.

      My mom’s 92, and went through a lot raising 12 kids with an alcoholic husband, (seven alone after his death) so she’s pretty much earned the right to be crabby to me. Most of the time she’s not, though. But if she is, well, she’s my mom, so she gets a lotta leeway.

    • signpainterguy 8:05 AM on 05/12/2013 Permalink | Reply

      HAPPY MOTHER`S DAY to all the Mom`s here ! You are each and every one so very special !

  • just a conservative girl 11:37 PM on 05/10/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Mother's Day, , step parents   

    An Ode to Step Mothers on Mother’s Day 

    This weekend across the country countless people will be paying tribute to their Moms, as they should.  Moms are very important in our lives.  Most moms give everything they have to raise their children to be healthy, happy, well-adjusted adults.  They are an integral part of our childhoods and society as a whole.  But sadly, not many will be talking about the role of step mothers.

    We live in a society, for good or for bad, that have many blended families.  The divorce rates show that.  In a perfect world we would raise our children in the nuclear family, but we don’t live in a perfect world.  Without getting into the right and wrong of this phenomenon we have to accept that it exists.

    More and more people are getting married later in life and putting off having children.  Sadly many women that put off having children then find themselves in the unfortunate situation of not being able to conceive on their own.  In many cases these women are just the “stepmom”.

    Step-Mothers have gotten a bad rap for longest time now.  Some of that is well deserved I am sure.  But many women out there are doing extraordinary things in helping to raise children into adulthood.  There are giving their all in helping their husbands parent, yet they are told by society that they don’t know what it is like to be a “mom”.

    Giving birth isn’t what really makes you a mommy.  Being one of those is a very different thing than being a mother.  Being there for a child is a very rewarding experience, even considering how hard it is.  Most parents wouldn’t trade their kids for anything in the world.  I wish I could say all parents would say that, but they don’t.

    Many women out there put everything they have into raising kids that they didn’t give birth to, sometimes in very difficult circumstances.  They are subjected to children who look at them as the impediment that is keeping their parents apart and sometimes the former spouses do everything possible to keep children feeling that way.  Sadly many children are put in the middle of love that has gone bad.  That is a very difficult situation to find yourself in when you are trying to make a relationship work and deal with children that are not your own.

    Step children in many cases have developed trust issues due to the break-up of their parents, which is perfectly understandable.  The Step Mom must overcome these issues as well as dealing with her own day-to-day stresses of everyday life.

    Step mom’s still deal with sick children, homework, the temper tantrums, the balancing of work and family, and in many cases does this without the credit from the rest of society.  She is often put in the position that she has to bite her tongue to keep the peace and she makes many of the same sacrifices that any parent must make.

    So for those that have step parents in their lives just remember they deserve a little call out this weekend as well.

     
    • signpainterguy 8:07 AM on 05/12/2013 Permalink | Reply

      HAPPY STEP-MOM`S DAY ! You are special, needed and wanted too !

  • just a conservative girl 9:36 AM on 05/06/2013 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: chlldren, Mother's Day,   

    You’re Really Going to Love Mom – Publix Mother’s Day Commercial Video 

    This is so sweet.

     

     
    • signpainterguy 8:33 AM on 05/07/2013 Permalink | Reply

      Test

    • signpainterguy 8:38 AM on 05/07/2013 Permalink | Reply

      Good to see the faux login issue is gone !

      This is such a cute commercial; the new baby WILL love his / her Mom.

      Happy Mom`s Day to all the Moms here. You are such special people !

      • just a conservative girl 11:45 AM on 05/07/2013 Permalink | Reply

        Talk about mothers day. I think there are close to thirty five children from the moms here!!!! Thanks for wishes and the sentiment.

  • just a conservative girl 11:53 AM on 05/13/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Mother's Day,   

    It Seems Even Mother’s Day is about President Obama 

     
    • Quite Rightly 3:16 PM on 05/13/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Is this “Affordable Care Act” the same Obamacare which requires doctors to treat elderly moms with “comfort care” (pain pills) instead of surgery and requires pro-life moms to pay for the abortifacients of moms who think pregnancy is a “punishment”?

      Yeah, I thought so.

  • just a conservative girl 11:02 AM on 05/13/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Mother's Day,   

    Quote of the Day – Ann Romney Edition 

    Cherish your mothers. The ones who wiped your tears, who were at every ball game or ballet recital. The ones who believed in you, even when nobody else did, even when maybe you didn’t believe in yourself.

    Women wear many hats in their lives. Daughter, sister, student, breadwinner. But no matter where we are or what we’re doing, one hat that moms never take off is the crown of motherhood.

    There is no crown more glorious

    Ann Romney on being a mom.

    Read her entire OP-ED here.  It is beautiful.  Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s and to all the women who have made a child feel special and loved.

     
    • SignPainterGuy 11:22 AM on 05/13/2012 Permalink | Reply

      HAPPY MOTHER`S DAY to each and every MOM here, Love and Hugs all around ! Enjoy your Special Day !

    • joyannaadams 1:12 PM on 05/13/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Ditto that SignPainter Guy!

    • Don 2:46 AM on 05/14/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Happy Mother’s Day

  • just a conservative girl 5:59 AM on 05/08/2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Mother's Day,   

    A Song for Mama 

    Happy Mother’s Day

     
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