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  • Sherry 4:10 PM on 10/05/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , Mitt Romney, political satire,   

    Spinning and Winning Strategies 

    At first, I wasn’t going to address this issue, be gracious in victory and all that, but now that the apologists, toadies, flunkies and sycophants have begun declaring there were multiple mysterious forces at work to deprive the President of his victory, I’m mad.

    One day after the debate thumping, the president was out in Virginia declaring that a “different Mitt Romney” was at the debates.

    Today, there are conspiracy theories about altitude sickness and secret tissue cheat sheets, the need for the President to appear non threatening and code words for racism when Romney called out the President for repeating claims that were untrue.

    So as I understand it, the reason the President lost isn’t the facts (his record), isn’t he looked tired, isn’t he didn’t respond to questions and grew combative even with the moderator, but that Romney has an evil twin who sports a magic handkerchief.

    Seriously?  Theoretically, satire of the existing administration was supposed to be hard.   So what really caused the reality of the debate night?  Potluck has uncovered possible theories.

    10) Vegas.

    9) It was a “drag” preparing.

    8) Distracted by derailed elaborate plans for wedding anniversary, Michelle disapproved of the menu.

    7) Maybe Michael Moore is right about John Kerry.

    6) Was up all night following the FBI examinations of Libyan embassy ruins.

    5) Jim Lehrer Jedi Mind tricks didn’t work.

    4) I was told he was a robot.   My people said he was a stupid robot.  I would have cleaned the clock of a stupid robot.

    3) Still jazzed from that party with JayZ.

    2) You don’t understand, it isn’t supposed to be fair. It’s supposed to be fair in my favor.

    1) I didn’t lose. Everyone I’ve talked to has said I dominated the air and it’s all over.

     

     
    • SignPainterGuy 12:08 AM on 10/06/2012 Permalink | Reply

      So, The Goracle`s explanation of 5,000′ altitude is too high for Obama`s brain to work properly without sufficient time to adjust didn`t seem plausible (or implausible) enough to make the list ? It sounded to me to fit right in there with the rest of Dr Climate Change`s loony notions. Oh, and on the subject of AlBore, the hypocrite, although he “sounds” all in for green energy alternatives, he has not one red cent invested in green tech.; according to the SEC. Fascinating; carbon credits for thee, but not for me !

      Yeah, I don`t blame you for omitting Prof. Settled Science; he`s just TOO ridiculous !

    • SignPainterGuy 12:24 AM on 10/06/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Zero exhibited the classic example of cowardice after being soundly trounced by going out on Wednesday and repeating the same “$5 Trillion tax cut” lie and talking tuff. Very childish and insulting to everyone who saw the debate. He obviously thinks he`s fooling people and for some, he`s right. SAD !

      It has been suggested that Barry lost / performed poorly because of his drug use – Current and continuing drug use !

  • Sherry 11:27 AM on 09/17/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: political satire, ,   

    Top Ten Reasons 

    10) attending intelligence briefings.

    9) hitch in his swing that needs work…extra tee times won’t wait.

    8) have to deal with damage control of Joe Biden

    7) Beyonce’  Netanyahu…Beyonce’ Netanyahu…Beyonce

    6) Being a brilliant consummer of information, he doesn’t need to meet with Israel’s Prime Minister, he knows enough that it isn’t necessary.

    5) Having put it to a 2/3rds majority rule vote, the ruling was not to do it.

    4) These strawmen won’t beat themselves.

    3) sending a folding chair.

    2) He could win Dinner with me if he’d just donate 3 dollars.

    1) I said, “Call me maybe.”

     
    • Ednar 3:27 PM on 09/17/2012 Permalink | Reply

      10) Michelle & Valerie say, “Not yet, dont go”
      9) Cramming for finals against Romney
      8) On George Soros waiting list to see him
      7) trying to figure a way of NOT owning Libya
      6) upset he has to share intell with Romney
      5) doesnt have enough cash to influence pollsters
      4) trying to find anything in the house to sell for yard sale
      3) hollywood loyalists are NOT returning calls
      2) His paid for-take-a-long supporters need a family time out
      1) Clint Eastwood wants to speak with him

  • Sherry 7:03 PM on 01/19/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: political satire,   

    CAPTION CONTEST! 

    "This is the land where we do big things." --President Obama

     

     
    • Sherry 7:05 PM on 01/19/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Stumping for that all important Goofy voter, President Obama journeys to his alleged stomping grounds.

    • SignPainterGuy 7:44 PM on 01/19/2012 Permalink | Reply

      The magic is closer than you think ! All we need is a little pixie dust, say, this much, and we can make green energy work !

      • Sherry 8:03 PM on 01/19/2012 Permalink | Reply

        Clap your hands and say, “I do believe in Keynesian economics. I do believe in Keynesian economics…”

        • SignPainterGuy 8:53 PM on 01/19/2012 Permalink | Reply

          Lovin` it ! :-)

    • SignPainterGuy 9:21 PM on 01/19/2012 Permalink | Reply

      I`ve been wanting to come here since I was this high ! Now look, I can shut down Main St. !

      • just a conservative girl 11:20 PM on 01/19/2012 Permalink | Reply

        lol

        • Sherry 10:13 AM on 01/20/2012 Permalink | Reply

          Hey America! I just spent 3.6 Trillion dollars in three years, and now, I’m in Disneyland!

          • Sherry 11:29 AM on 01/20/2012 Permalink | Reply

            I propose a new tax on happy endings.

            • SignPainterGuy 1:50 PM on 01/20/2012 Permalink | Reply

              Now that`s just scary !

    • SignPainterGuy 1:52 PM on 01/20/2012 Permalink | Reply

      The Occupy Disneyland crowd will be here in a few days. I spoke with their chief Twinkler and s/he promised, let me be clear, s/he PROMISED, the trash will only be this deep !

      • SignPainterGuy 2:02 PM on 01/20/2012 Permalink | Reply

        OOPS, it just occurred to me; Disney”land” is in CA., this is Florida, so it`s Disney”world”. I wonder if Oblamer knows this ?

    • SignPainterGuy 9:30 PM on 01/20/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Let me be clear, folks are telling you that Cinderella`s Castle just looks smaller than me because of this perspective thing, that it`s an optical illusion. I`m here to tell you that I AM bigger than that castle !

  • Sherry 10:39 PM on 12/27/2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: new year's resolution, political satire,   

    New Year’s Resolutions for Everyone Else 

    Because making resolutions for other people is so much easier and more satisfying than doing it for one’s self, this year I’m proposing the following for our existing Congress, Executive Branch and General Public.  It’s the very least I can do.
    10) Bo will switch from gourmet IAMS Premium to Generic dog food as a symbolic gesture of solidarity with those in the 99%, animals who do not occupy the White House.

    9) Because the economy is still down and spending public money carelessly or extravagantly would be unseemly and project an image that our President and First Lady are out of touch, State Dinners now to be the small buffet (one trip only) at Sizzlers…before five.

    8) All Campaign Fund Raisers will be 50/50, with half going towards the treasury. After all, none of the politicians want to be unduly influenced by dirty money from lobbyists, fat cats, corporations or rich famous people who want access.

    7) Any person who says, “Raise My Taxes” will immediately be hit up for a donation of 10% of their bank account, not income, current existing money. Any person who says, “Raise Their Taxes” will be immediately hit up with a 5% increase tax on all expenditures to remind them that nothing happens in a vacuum.

    6) A fee on all politicians, 5$ for each untruth/slander/distortion uttered. Pro: if they continue as normal, the debt will be erased within the political year. Bonus Pro: if they wise up, we won’t have to hear their bloviating.

    5) Hypocrisy Oath: A new demand of all elected officials…to act as they preach, or be forced to wear a scarlet “H” and hold a sign, “I”m annoying and sanctimonious and you pay me.”

    4) Hollywood Documentation: They can tell us how important their thoughts are only after they release all their transcripts, SAT scores and can beat Sarah Palin in a debate to be shown on Pay Per View.  Losers take a vow of a year of silence.

    3) All recipients of stimulus money must document jobs created and/or saved. Doormen for the revolving access to the Whitehouse for political donations do not count.

    2) Press will cease pretending they are anything but cheerleaders and carry pom poms to all future political events and do jack knives when the politicians speak so that no one is unclear who they’re rooting for.

    1) If you ask for 1.3 Trillion more, you have to show all your work to get credit for the math.  No more imaginary numbers, only absolute and real ones.

     
    • SignPainterGuy 12:27 PM on 12/28/2011 Permalink | Reply

      Sherry,

      You have been thinking about this for some time, right ? Good job ! May I add just one more ?

      11) Any actor who screams s/he will move out of the country if “X” gets elected will have to show documentation that Two Men and a Truck and a global moving service have received a non-refundable booking fee !

  • Sherry 7:06 PM on 09/14/2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Attackwatch, , political satire   

    Rumors, Gossip and Made Up Stuff 

    Maybe you haven’t heard about the latest attempt to control the public dialogue to ensure the new tone established by the White House prevails.  http://my.barackobama.com/page/s/join-attack-wire-today is a reworking of the “If you see something fishy…” send to flag@whitehouse or whatever the email was that floated out in 2009 and was quickly retracted when the plebian class of the country spoke out about how this is not the way the government should be acting if we are a free people. 

    But polls are down.  The elections in New York and Nevada are bad news for those sporting the Democratic party label.  In times of trouble, the best way to regain ground, go negative.  So far, being called racists, bigots, idiots, hobbits, bitter clingers, homophobic, and SOBs hasn’t worked. 

    So we have to get them to stop asking those pesky questions like, “How are we going to pay for it?” or “How is someone who makes 200K a millioniare?”  or “How will 450 MORE billion than the 1.3 Trillion already spent, going to make all the difference?”  “Where are all those jobs?”  or worse, spreading information we don’t like. (Like the actual debt, the actual job rate, and who will actually be taxed by the latest job plan).   

    So they came up with Attackwatch.com.  Red, Black and asking you to report gossip, rumors, websites, videos, anything you deem not proper.  It’s pretty creepy looking stuff.  It is not what a free people do. It is not what we are about.

    Having looked around, here are the “top ten rumors/gossip and made up stuff”* that have been sent to Attackwatch so they can fight the smears.

    10) Palin and her brood stuck their tongues out at the President’s bus from inside the comfort of their bus.  Damn these bullet proof deeply tinted windows!

    9) Someone forgot to bow when speaking your name.

    8) The Republicans in power have indicated they want to elect someone else other than you.  Think it might be Hillary.  SShhhhhh. 

    7) The supply of Purple prose used to create the glowing image of the POTUS gearing up to his first election has sadly dwindled to a very scant supply.  Authorization for Drilling operations for new veins of glowing praise shall commence at once!

    6) The new nutritional rules won’t allow for any more rush visits to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries.

    5) Owing to budget constraints, the White House Menu will include Wagyu Beef Hamburger Helper Casserole on Tuesdays.

    4) Biden said something smart.

    3) Congress suggested another vacation. 

    2) That Winning the Future slogan was really catchy!

    1) China called, wondered if this is some sort of reality television version of Punk the US. 

    *Parody, Satire, Humor…not intended to start actual rumors or spread actual gossip as all of this is made up in my hobbit brain.

     
  • Sherry 1:48 PM on 08/17/2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , political satire, speech, vacation   

    Saving the President’s Vacation 

    The poor man, victim of bad luck and those meanie mean people who still insist on buying SUVs, trying to make money and eating something fried, just wants to take his family on a modest vacation by the shore and he has these whiny whiners whining about wanting to have jobs. 

    Why do they want jobs? 

    They’re on vacation right now! That’s where he wants to be! But, he’s promised to deliver a master plan, a plan to end all other plans, a plan so brilliant, it will make all those cry baby people who complained sorry they ever doubted anything he said.  Soon.  Right after his vacation….except not.  It’s a reasonable request to wait three to four more weeks.

    After all, these sorts of plans take time to craft and develop…and it’s unfair to encroach on quality time with the family when work is so very demanding and he’s done so much.   So I feel for the President.  I do. I know the burden of the crown …er sorry, Presidency, weighs heavy.  I know because he’s told me he works harder and is less appreciated than Martin Luther King, and more mocked and misunderstood than Abraham Lincoln. 

    Because I feel his pain and think he and his family deserve this time away from the maddening crowds so he can eat his waffles or ice cream or Tuscan kale or arugula in peace, I will give him a gift.  That’s right, I will personally craft for him his master plan on jobs as it will be presented post labor day.  I can even help free up that time for that speech by presenting it here.

    Here goes:

    Good afternoon, I come to you today after completing extensive research, reviewing all the options, consulting experts in the field because I’m open to all options and am serious about this.  Let me be clear, the problems our economy faces are systemic, long-term and the result of over reaching and overspending and irresponsibility by congress, and the results of reckless executive decisions made long before I took the oath of office.  

    The country has had a string of bad luck in world affairs coupled with congressional political grandstanding that refused compromise.  Combined, this mix has prolonged if not crippled all attempts I have made at recovery.   

    Let me be clear, the way I offer is hard, fair and reasonable.  It is the way to prosperity for the good of all, but it requires that those of us who have more, be more generous and understand that this is what we must do for our country. 

    I know you think like I do, that it is unjust that Wallstreet and Corporations have profits in the billions and millions, while millions are on food stamps. 

    I know you agree that it is unjust for politicians listen to the rich who can buy access, and we have to trim teachers and soldiers and policemen’s pensions, or threaten the elderly and disabled with less economic security to enrich the pockets of those who have more than they will ever need. 

    We must act.  We must change our ways and the time is now.  

    Therefore, I’m directing Congress to pass my budget, which will include a three for one tax, for every dollar spent by the federal government, we will tax three, so as to reduce the deficit through new income revenue to the treasury. 

    The bulk and blunt effect of these new taxes will be born by the wealthiest ten percent of our country, so the middle class and the poor will not be affected or injured.  

    Further, I’m asking for an excess profit cap tax, percentage based on all profit reported by any corporation.  It will be set for 20%, recaptured and used to help shore up existing assistance to the unemployed. 

    Lastly, I will ask all those in the legislator shouting about cutting the deficit and a balanced budget, to show they are serious by forfeiting their salaries and benefits.  

    Any who step forward and make such a sacrifice, will prove they mean what they say.  Anyone who doesn’t, proves they’re just in it for political points.  

    The republicans claim they care about ballancing the budget, so I will ask the leadership to restrain its members from inserting any pet projects or proposing any legislation or policies that result in pork to their own states, or create additional layers of bureaucracy or change existing law.  I will direct the Congress to only fund those projects that are critical, that save jobs.  But, we must do more.  I will demand more.

     We will create new incentives and Federal grants for companies that promote green energy and green jobs.

    There will be money allocated for college for students who want to enter into education to help in our public schools. An educated public is a working public.

    We will also improve America’s infrastructure with highways, high-speed rail and communications, like cell, satellite and high-speed internet to make sure everyone has access to the world-wide web.  Kids these days can’t get a job or get ahead without computer knowledge, and they can’t get computer knowledge without having access to computers, so we will invest in technology to give kids that leg up to the American Dream. 

    Finally, I know that a President gets credit or blame for the economy, but I want you to know that I am working as hard as I can, and that I will talk to anyone, anywhere. I am  open to any ideas that come from anywhere about how we can help grow our economy.  I’ve ridden across country and I’ve heard your frustration, I’m frustrated too.  I am.   I am!

    But change as we all know, takes time.  Phone your representatives and tell them, with their cooperation, We Can.  Yes we can.  This is the time when doubts could throw us off track.  Don’t let them make you doubt what you said we needed when you elected me to office.  Don’t let them return us to the same old same ole.  We all knew that change would be hard and tough, but now we all need to dig deep and hold on. They don’t want to have skin in the game, they want you to sit on the sidelines so they can continue to sit on their profits.  We need them to get in the game, we need them  to invest in what we’ve started.

    I invite every corporation, every investor, every American, to invest in our future as a country by being willing to give up just a little bit for their neighbor.  It is the just and right thing to do, and all of us will benefit. 

    Now, if you have any questions, I’ll just send you to our newest Job Czar. I have a tee time and I promised I wouldn’t be late. (Chuckles and leaves, no questions).

    Editor’s Note: Print, save and do a shot for each proposal that hits the mark, only promise not to operate heavy machinery for a good 10 hours afterwards.

     
    • SignPainterGuy 4:33 PM on 08/17/2011 Permalink | Reply

      You`ve been ghost writing his speeches all along, haven`t you ?

      Do you know TOTUS personally ? What`s he like away from the podium ? Is he comfortable in his storage box ? Does he really enjoy tripping the pResident up ?

      Inquiring minds sorta want to know !! ;-)

    • just a conservative girl 10:10 PM on 08/17/2011 Permalink | Reply

      I am rather happy he is going on vacation. He will do less damage.

  • Sherry 6:31 PM on 08/02/2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: journalism, , political satire   

    Template for Aspiring Journalists Majors, No College Credits Necessary 

    Given the state of our economy, who can afford college tuition these days?  As such, as a public service, I offer the following template to new and upcoming leftists journalism majors who want to gain instant credibility with the establishment mainstream media as thoughtful hard-hitting provocative investigators who speak truth to power.   

    When interviewing a Republican acting like a Republican, begin any interview with a boilerplate standard that immediately calls into question…everything.  Here are a few samples:

    Format#1  Mr. So an So of the GOP, you’ve marched in lockstep with your party for this very controversial policy.  Is this the result of some payback for secret CEOS who bankrolled your campaign or did you fall prey to the fringe elements of the right? 

    Format #2 Ms. So and So of the Republican Party, in stating your opposition to the Democratic plan to cure disease, end death and promote flowers, ponies and swimming pools for everyone, you’ve clearly gone against the wishes of a large number of the American people.  How can you live with yourself? 

    Format #3 Mr. So and Mrs. So of the Tea Party, your ideals have been declared by those like me who are of superior intellect because they think like me, to be dangerous, immoral, fattening and capable of giving every man, woman and child bad dreams for the rest of their days.  So, will you change your minds? 

    Next, interrupt any attempt at seriously addressing the issues from a non Liberal point of view by declaring that the person being interviewed is:

     1)ignoring the question (Uncooperative)

     2) not answering the question (Non Responsive)

     3) untruthful in the answer given (Disingenuous)

    4) incorrect in the answer given (Misguided or Ignorant of the Facts)

    Should the interviewed person persist in giving an answer that cannot be entirely dismissed out of hand because it happens to inconveniently fit the reality, you needn’t give the speaker full credence.  An arched eyebrow while listening, a quizzical look as they finish, a “We’ll see.” or equally patronizing lead into your final thoughts, “Holding fast to his religious convictions…” or “Having a religious devotion to his ideals…” can help minimize the impact of such a legislator.   Mention that elections are coming or if they aren’t, try to throw in the phrase “dogmatic certitude.”  It scares people.

    Next, remember to tag whomever you are interviewing with the proper praise or damnation.  A simple outline is sketched below:

    When interviewing a Republican acting like a RINO, remember to say “Despite being with the GOP…” or tout the courage of her convictions and then state how the person in question is breaking from their party ranks. 

    When interviewing a Democrat being a Democrat, stress the uphill struggle, the need for reform and add a personal story that echoes the rightness of the cause.  Break out the purple pen and go wild.

    When interviewing a Democrat being a DINO….wait…those exist?

    To finish your writing/interviewing/journalism skills, hone your spleen into a precision instrument of destruction. Allow no snark to go unspoken.  No insult, no matter how outrageous, how cruel, distorted or absurd is sufficient if you believe your cause is just.  Recommended repeated readings of the transcripts from all of Keith Olberman and The View if you need pointers.

    Practice portraying political figures you disagree with as worse than leprosy, car accidents, drowned puppies and Satan combined.  Remind your viewers/readers/followers that in your opinion, which being a paid opinion means it is one that counts, there is no genuine, earnest, honest, hopeful or good reason that anyone could possibly belong to the Republican or Tea Party, and that all people of good character who might happen to find themselves aligned with the GOP are either misguided ignorant quasi fanatical masses or confederate veteran reenacters harboring hateful impulses and self-denying sexual feelings. 

    Finally, remember, the other side’s sacred cows are your hamburger.  As we have already discounted the feelings and thoughts and motivations of the opposition, you need not worry about being injurious to the national dialogue, or about adding value when you can heap tons of bile and get rich, famous and even more influential by being the most committed person to the virtual destruction of all non Democratic leaders, voters, policy and proposals.   Rank up a kill total on bills, personalities or the grass roots movement that supports your opposition with a well turned insult and the job opportunities even in this economy, will come in abundance. 

    Man…I could be rich if I would just sell out….

     

     
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