Where’s the love for the SAHM?
There is all this blow up due to a Politco story about Rick Santorum and Sarah Palin. Politico wrote the story in the guise that Santorum was taking a swipe at Palin and Politico said he “inferred” that she was making speeches for money her priority. There are rumors that she turned down the keynote speaking slot on Saturday night due to the money not being there. Only the people involved in the negotiations know what the truth is. But, it is well-known that she and the leader of CPAC don’t get along.
His comments in part:
“I have a feeling that she has some demands on her time, and a lot of them have financial benefit attached to them,”
“I don’t live in Alaska and I’m not the mother to all these kids and I don’t have other responsibilities that she has,”
Regardless of what you think of Santorum and his voting record, the one thing that you cannot question is his social conservative cred. He is staunchly socially conservative. He and his wife have had eight children, one of which that passed away. His children range in age from 19 to 2. His youngest child is special needs and was not expected to survive. While she has many issues, she was a very happy addition to his family. Since leaving congress he has been working as an attorney and his wife is a stay at home mom.
Palin was interviewed yesterday by Sean Hannity and was asked about the Politico story. Her response:
“I think the reports were much worse than what he really said. I think some things were really taken out of context. So I will not call him the knuckle dragging Neanderthal that perhaps others would want to call him. I’ll let his wife call him that instead.”
She then went on to say that her children have never stopped her from doing anything.
Santorum, as a special needs parent, has a unique perspective on the demands of the parents of a special needs child. Again, he is a social conservative and very strict Catholic. Is it really so crazy that he views motherhood and care giving as the most important role that a woman plays in her life? I don’t think that it is. Palin has three children at home. Two of which are very young and the youngest is special needs. The demands of that are real. It isn’t something that he is making up or just throwing out there for no reason.
For those who have not spent a great deal of time around a special needs child you may not be aware of those demands. Change is not something that these kids handle well. They depend on scheduling. I once read a book written by the wife of a famous athlete and a line in that book has always struck me. I may be paraphrasing here, but basically she said that they don’t learn to live in your world, you learn to live in theirs. It is something that has stuck with me ever since. To give an example of what I am talking about, I know a mom who has masking tape on both her kitchen and dining room table. The tape is labeled for where the plate, glass, fork go. If they are not in the exact place that they are expected to be in, the child won’t eat, he also won’t eat if his food touches on the plate. Special needs kids have a difficult time with time zone changes, they are not always good with strangers and are not comfortable with new situations. They find going outside of their comfort zone difficult to handle. Of course every child is different, but these are generalities that are pretty standard with special needs kids.
Families of special needs kids have a much more difficult time travelling and simple things like going out to dinner can sometimes be a brutal experience. I am in no way diminishing the gifts that these kids bring into the lives of their families, but it is a different experience than raising children without disabilities. The point that Sarah was trying to make is that just because she is a mom doesn’t mean she can’t accomplish other things. Which is a true statement.
I came across an article written back in November. Apparently this isn’t the first time that Palin has used the word Neanderthal when commenting on what women can do. She made this statement shortly after the 08 campaign came to an end.
There are still the Neanderthals out there who pick on the petty, little, superficial, meaningless things – like looks, like whether you can or can’t work outside of the home if you have small children – all those type of things where I would so hope that at some point those Neanderthals will evolve into something a bit more with it, a bit more modern, and a bit more understanding that, yeah, women can accomplish much.
The premise of the article is are families that choose to have a mother who stays at home and raise their children Neanderthals? I am not sure that is really what she is saying, but it is an interesting question. But what is an even more interesting question who is she directing these comments to? Because most, if not all, social conservatives are going to fall into the category that a woman who can, should stay at home to be there for their young kids.
No one is saying that every working mother is a bad mother. But, it wasn’t all that long ago that being a SAHM was looked down upon by the “liberal elite”. I do believe that has tampered down some, but many far left woman look at almost everything in their life through the prism of being a woman and are constantly talking about fairness and get very upset when woman were not promoted, given a job, or whatever else happens in their lives. This is a concept that they are passing down to younger woman and little girls. I just recently read some comments on how the left is more than a little upset that Obama’s administration doesn’t have enough women, and were especially upset by the new press secretary not being female. I personally don’t view the world in this manner. I want the most qualified person to be hired for a job. If that person happens to be a white man or a Latino woman than so be it. I am not believer in quotas and I certainly don’t think that Obama is anti-woman simply based on the fact that his latest hire happened to be a man.
I may be wrong, but I think that most conservatives views are similar to mine. But, if that is so who are those statements being made to? Political people have a tendency to talk in sound bites and usually are very careful to craft their conversation and talking points trying to reach out to certain segments of the voting public. Palin is a politician. She may be different from many politicians, but she is still a politician. Because if she is trying to reach out to the people who think that woman can have it all, I think that may be a losing strategy. Especially if it can be construed as insulting the very people who are her base supporters.
I remember when the election was in full swing and Palin was being accused of being a bad mother simply based on the fact that Bristol was pregnant out-of-wedlock at the time. I would ask the people who said that around me if their mother was responsible for every mistake that they made? One of the people who said that actually is a single mother. Her justification was that her mother wasn’t espousing conservative values on a national stage. I felt like saying if she had espoused them in her home she obviously didn’t listen to them, but I didn’t want to be rude. But, my point is these woman aren’t going to listen to this message anyway.
It isn’t that I don’t believe that women can do many things, because I do. But, what I do question is can women have it all at the same time? I find this to be a lie that has been passed down to young women. While we can do many things across the entirety of our lifetimes, but can we have it all at the same time? I think that as women we have to stretch it over longer periods of time than men do. Is that necessarily fair? No. But, I have found that to be true. Some women have no choice but to go out and work, they can’t survive without the additional income. Others choose to put off having children to get their career on track and have a hard time letting go of the career track in order to raise their children. Then we have the families that put things over the benefits of having a mom at home. The Wii, the iPad and the larger home become more important than staying home with little Jimmy. Gov. Palin, I don’t think it is a bad thing that you would be stopped from doing different things because of issues with your children. I actually would respect it. I also would welcome the idea that we are telling younger women that when you raise children you have to make choices, and sometimes those choices are not the easiest for you, but are what is best for your kids.
Jill 3:11 PM on 02/10/2011 Permalink |
I would respect it, too.
My husband and I are Neanderthals by Sarah’s standards. He’s the breadwinner and I stay home with the children. When we had little ones he was hands-on when he was home, helping with diapers, rocking babies, etc., but our roles were different. I can honestly say that my kids have kept me from doing lots of things, especially when they were small. Leaving them overnight to go to some conference or business trip? Not in their best interest. My kids needed my presence when they were small and it was my highest priority to be there for them.
As a SAHM I find Sarah’s “Neanderthal” comments pretty alienating, frankly. And I think she took Santorum’s comments the wrong way. Her knee-jerk feminist response is irritating.
I wonder how Karen Santorum feels about Palin’s comments.
It makes me sad to see that among many younger conservative women, and men, there’s little appreciation for the maternal role.
just a conservative girl 4:38 PM on 02/10/2011 Permalink |
I am a special needs mom, I find her comment to be false. Special needs kids have harder times adjusting to change. I know that I have been kept from doing many things.
But, what is most amazing about this is that if you are a Palinista, Santorum is the devil here. He was mean spirited and was slamming her. All he said was Alaska is a long way off when you have children. Which it is. That is half a day or more on a plane.
If it means anything I respect your choice.
backyardconservative 7:05 PM on 02/10/2011 Permalink |
Obviously this is a touchy subject.
I do think Santorum was criticizing her. And Palin may have overreacted.
I would just say, as a SAHM, Palin made a choice to resign as governor, in part because of her family. I would also add that it seems to me she and her spouse are quite a team–and given living and working in Alaska takes place across what are extraordinary distances to us, extended family is very important. Todd worked on the North Slope and his fishing territory was at some distance as well.
Now it seems that he is Mr. Mom. And Palin works at home when she can.
Yes there is a double standard for candidates.
Yes maybe there should be when kids are involved.
Yes women can’t have it all.
But this family seems quite aware.
Sherry 8:22 PM on 02/10/2011 Permalink |
But all of the special needs issues depend upon the child involved. Down Sydrome in many ways, is less alienating than most special needs conditions, as the children are less rigid than those who struggle with Terrets or seizures or autism. Having a son with Down Syndrome and having worked with children who ranged from autistic to non verbal CP paraplegic, I can say that a child with Trisomy 21 is much more flexible than most.
just a conservative girl 8:58 PM on 02/10/2011 Permalink |
See, mine isn’t. Never has been. I have to stay on his schedule or he wigs. He is a happy and very sweet little boy as long as you stay on his schedule. I dread taking him on a plane and I am sure that everyone hates me by the time the flight is over. He doesn’t have downs, but it is very similiar. He is thriving now, but it wasn’t easy when he two or three.
Also, I just spent almost $200 for a ticket to CPAC this weekend and I can’t go tomorrow because I don’t have proper daycare. I can’t just leave him the neighbors. He wouldn’t tolerate it and would make himself and anyone else around him miserable. That is what I find so insulting about this comment. Kids get sick, babysitters cancel at the last minute, and many other things come up with little to no notice, and I don’t have five.
To me she was saying that oh, what is the big deal that I have kids? Young children are not always predictible and don’t always do you want or expect them to.
Everyone sees things through their own prisim.
Jill 6:19 AM on 02/11/2011 Permalink |
It’s a shame you have to miss today’s meeting. :(
I never had a special needs child but I had a few high-need babies and toddlers who weren’t flexible and couldn’t be easily left.
You wrote:
“To me she was saying that oh, what is the big deal that I have kids?”
I don’t like to see that narrative perpetuated, either. It de-values the role of the mother and her child’s need for her.
Sherry 10:27 AM on 02/11/2011 Permalink |
I guess I am the odd woman out here, but I don’t trust Politico to present two consevative stars like Palin and Santorum in a favorable light. It feels like “Let’s you and him fight. Pass the popcorn.”
just a conservative girl 11:57 AM on 02/11/2011 Permalink |
Sherry: You are right that Politico ginned this up. There is no doubt about that. But, Palin and the Palinista’s jumped all over it to demonize Santorum. Which I don’t think was the right thing to do. She even admits it was taken out of context. If it was taken out of context why did she need to bring out the Neandrathel comment? Again, this isn’t the first time she used it.
lilredhen 8:52 AM on 02/12/2011 Permalink |
I fall into the camp of this being a “made-up, let’s start a fight between conservatives” story. The Palins and the Santorums both seem to have a system that works for them. Isn’t that what we should all want? Sarah Palin’s kids seem to be pretty well-adjusted, especially with the constant media attention focused on them, and as a working-outside-the home mom, I’m well aware of the constant barrage of pitting one group against the other.