We Lost One of the Good Guys Today; Good-bye Terrence “TB” Bolden

I have been hibernating from blogging for quite some time, but this news has made me want to post a tribute to a good man who lost his life early this morning.  He died peacefully in his sleep at the very young age of 35. 

Anyone that has been involved in GOP politics in Virginia has a heavy heart today.  We lost TB.  Virtually everyone involved in those circles knew Terrence.  Virtually everyone like Terrence. 

Anyone that knew him, even a little, knew he was a good man.  You didn’t have to agree with him politically to sense that.  He was one of the most optimistic people I have ever met.  He always had a smile or fun-loving smirk on his face.  He gave everything he had to all that he did; and he did plenty.  Blogger, conservative activist, son, friend, committee chair, and so many other things that are impossible to list. 

He was a principled man.  He stood by those principles even when it was hard and unpopular to do so.  If he knew you, he cared about you.  He would have your back if you were in trouble or even being harassed because you took a position that goes against the flow.  He stood up for you.  He praised you to those that were determined to shoot you down.  I saw him do that many times. 

Terrence and I were on opposite sides when it came to a position for the Virginia Young Republicans.  We backed different people to head up the organization.  We ribbed each other about it, but in a fun-loving way.  Neither of us took the other’s position personally.  We disagreed, but knew it wasn’t an attack on the other. 

Terrence believed you got more with honey than with vinegar.  He knew that every person had the right to get their viewpoints heard.  He wanted nothing more than a more inclusive Republican party in not just Virginia, but all across America.  He believed that we should be speaking to every single voter to have our message heard.  He refused to back down on that belief even when it got him labeled the dreaded “Rino”.  He knew it wasn’t pandering, but giving people a chance to listen to our ideals and dreams for all Americans.  He wanted people to know we cared and were willing to listen. 

Terrence was raised by a single mother.  He knew that blaming single family homes for the ills within certain communities was not just a false premise, but counter-productive.  He was a real life living example that single parents could and did raise fine upstanding citizens.  After all, he was one of them.  He and I debated that topic because I have talked about the breakdown of the family and the ill effects on society, but he also knew that I never thought for one instant that weren’t millions of very good single parents. 

We lost one of the good guys this morning.  The details of his death are still unclear at this point, all we know is he didn’t wake up this morning.  The indications being that he had a massive heart attack in his sleep. 

I am sure his family is reeling right now.  I won’t even pretend to say that we understand what they are feeling, because we don’t. 

Terrence had this habit of ending his social media posts with #ICan’tEven

Well Terrence, I can’t even either today.  Godspeed to you and may your family find comfort in this most difficult time.  You will be missed, deeply and profoundly missed. 

What Those Calling Bruce “Call Me Caitlyn” Jenner Brave Seem to Forget

Bruce Jenner has made his long-awaiting appearance to the world as woman.  She is now Caitlyn Jenner, thank you very much.  I want to make perfectly clear at the onset, I couldn’t care less what she/he does.  It isn’t my business. 

 

What my concern in this matter is are the calls of bravery and courageous.  I take issue with those words.  Not because of his surgery (if he is even going full board on the surgery, as I am not sure if that is the plan or not). 

 

I am more than willing to accept the idea that transgender people have brain issues.  It is scientific fact that a woman and man have different brain wiring.  I can’t remember which is which, but one is more wired left to right and the other is front to back.  It is very possible that a transgender person has the wiring of the other sex.  Studies have shown that postmortem brains show differences in people who self identify as a transgender person.  The human brain is a mysterious thing that in truth we know very little about. 

 

Maybe it is a “mental illness” as some call it.  But, most mental illnesses are issues with brain function.  So it is possible that both things can be true.  I don’t know, and quite honestly I don’t care.  Caitlyn Jenner is free to do as she pleases. 

 

I get what people who are throwing the words “brave” and “courageous” around are trying to say.  Caitlyn may help other who are dealing with the same issues down the road.  That is great I suppose. 

 

What bothers me about the use of the words is that if you really take a look at the whole picture, it isn’t really that at all. 

 

I fully admit I didn’t watch his (If I am not mistaken, that was the pronoun to use at the time) entire interview.  But, I did watch parts of it.  I did hear him talk about how he felt this way as a young child.  I did hear him talk about this was the reason his first two marriages ended.  Ok, he married the first time.  I might even be willing to throw in the second marriage as part of his confusion in his identity.  But I draw the line at the third marriage. 

 

He talked about how he started taking female hormones at the end of second marriage.  He looked into getting surgery and living as woman back in the late 80’s.  He then met his third wife.  He stopped taking the hormones and got married.  That is selfish, not brave or courageous. 

 

 Probably a mistake I made was maybe not having her understand,’

Probably?  I think Ms. Caitlyn needs to change that to definitely.   

“I wasn’t as fair as I should’ve been to the women I married. I’ve apologised to everybody. I’ve apologised my entire life.”

What would have been courageous and brave was to live your life without dragging innocent people into it.  As a man, he fathered six children.  4 of whom he freely admits he was an absentee father to.  Now they are dealing with the fact that their father is a woman.  As any child would, the love they feel for their dad outweighs the confusion and other emotions that they must be feeling.  Every child wants their parents to be happy.  But was it fair to them?  I don’t think so. 
“Kris is a good woman, I got no complaints with her. Honestly, if she had been really good with it, understanding, we’d still be together.”

It is brave to expect a woman who married a man to be ok with becoming a woman in a lesbian relationship with her husband who is now her wife?

I’m no fan of the Kardashian clan, but I don’t see how anyone can blame her for wanting a divorce.  She has children with this man who is now a woman.  For the sake of her children she needs to do what she can to be accepting.  I can’t believe that I am saying this, but she is far more brave.  Imagine how hurtful it must be to the spouse of someone who comes to you and says, hey I am not happy with my gender and would like to get my penis cut off, get a breast implant, and live as woman.  Most people would want a divorce in that case.  My understanding is that he did tell her some time ago.  But again, he married her.  He had children with her.  He was a father figure to her children from her first marriage, especially after the death of their own father. 

“Call Me Caitlyn” Jenner isn’t brave.  He had the opportunity decades ago to be that.  But instead he dragged another family into his issues.  Brought more children into the world to deal with the aftermath of his issues and dragged yet one more woman into a marriage.  He did this because he wasn’t brave enough to be who he believed he should be.  From his own words he knew this for more than sixty years before he did this.  He created a mess and expects them all to happy about it, because he is now ready to be who he/she should have been all along. 

As I said, I have no problem with someone deciding for themselves to change genders.  Whatever.  There is plenty of science to back up that this is an issue with brain function.  I also fully get that at the time of his first marriage, it would have been difficult at best to be openly transgendered.  But, by the time he was in marriage number three that was no longer the case.  Yes, there is hate towards transgender people.  They suffer abuse from not only their families, but others who find them disgusting.  But there are plenty out in the world that are accepting, this would be especially true had he lived a more private life instead of a very public one. 

The State Uses it Power to Remove Child from a Medical Marijuana Activist

There certainly isn’t a shortage of things to worry about when it comes to our out-of-control government, and it is becoming abundantly clear that we can add CPS to the list.  In the past many of the complaints have been about them not doing enough to protect children when it is clear that children are living in unsafe environments.  The answer that came from the agency was almost always the lack of funds and staff to handle the case loads.  It seems that has been taken care of. 

 

In Kansas, there is a medical marijuana activist by the name Shonda Banda.  She has Crohn’s Disease.  It is a very painful digestive problem that causes severe cramping, among other things to its victims.  She uses cannabis oil to help with her pain.  In Kansas marijuana is illegal in all circumstances.  She is working to change that.  

 

One day the school her son attends gave a class on drug use.  Since his mother is an activist, one can imagine that this little boy understands the ins and outs of the issue.  During this discussion her son made statements when he believed the information that was being told to the class was incorrect.  This raised the hackles of the counselors.  They called the CPS, who then called the cops.  

 

They show up at the school, take the little boy out of his class to question him.  They did not call either parent to get permission to talk to an 11 year-old-boy.  

After her son spoke out about medical marijuana, police detained him and launched a raid on Shona Banda’s home. “Well, they had that drug education class at school that was just conducted by the counselors… They pulled my son out of school at about 1:40 in the afternoon and interrogated him. Police showed up at my house at 3… I let them know that they weren’t allowed in my home without a warrant… I didn’t believe you could get a warrant off of something a child says in school.” Banda continued, “We waited from 3 o’clock until 6 o’clock. They got a warrant at 6 o’clock at night and executed a warrant into my home. My husband and I are separated, and neither parent was contacted by authorities before [our son] was taken and questioned.”

They found a small amount of cannabis oil in her home.  With the amount being as small as it is, obviously it is for personal use.  She isn’t a drug dealer.  She uses a substance that helps her deal with chronic pain.  For this, she has lost her child.  

 

She has been charged with no crime, yet she still must go into court to prove that she should still have custody of her child.  You can feel that pot, even for medicinal use, should remain illegal, and realize how wrong this is.  

 

There is no proof that this child was being given an illegal substance.  The boy simply understands the issues surrounding the use of medicinal pot.  That isn’t a crime.  That isn’t child abuse.  

 

The State of Kansas has done nothing to “protect” this child, they have done quite the opposite.  This child has been harmed by the very agency that is supposed to help him in cases of abuse and neglect.  When we have a government that is so large that it can walk into a classroom of a child, question him without parental permission, then use those statements of a child to get a warrant to get into the home of the parent, we have a government that is too powerful.  

 

This child has been harmed more by the state than anything his mother has done.  That is something that shouldn’t be allowed to stand.  

Hey Millenials, How You Dress for an Interview Does Indeed Matter

Elizabeth Bentivgna, a senior at Oberlin, seems to be completely unaware of the fact that how you dress for a job interview does indeed matter.  She is in the process of interviewing for summer internships before returning to school for her final semester in the fall.  

She was given a lesson in this after finding out that a company would not be hiring her.  Her recruiter was honest with her about why a company wouldn’t be giving her the internship.  

“She told me that OnShift would love to hire me based on my technical skills and personality, but that they were not going to. These are the reasons she cited: 1) I ‘looked more like I was about to go clubbing than to an interview.’ 2) I ‘had a huge run in my tights’ 3) I was late.”

So little miss princess decided to vent her frustrations on her Facebook page.  

Using all those F-bombs will also help land her next interview won’t it?  What she forgets to mention in this little rant is that she was late to the interview.  I don’t know, but I think that showing up on time, or even early, is interviewing 101.  

She claims that is a mostly male office and that they wear jeans and T-shirts.  Now I wouldn’t be surprised if that were true.  But, that doesn’t mean that those men showed up in the interviews dressed that way.  You wear the jeans and T-shirts once you have the job, not the day you interview for it.  It is unprofessional.  

I have had jobs that the dress code was so lax that the only real line seemed to be no bathing suits in the office.  I knew that was the policy before I started working there, as it more or less a norm in the field I was working in at the time.  I still wore a suit to the interview.  

In all seriousness, if I noticed a run in stockings before heading into the interview, I would either find a store and get a new pair, or just take them off all together.  I wouldn’t walk into an interview with a huge run.  That falls into the attention to detail category.  I have this feeling that being a software programming company, that is something that is looked at as a necessity, not a quirk.  

I have interviewed people over my working lifetime.  I have seen the pettiest little things make the difference between hiring and not hiring.  If a man walked into an interview with stains all over his tie or pants or a wrinkled mess, yes it would be noticed.  If another candidate who had equal qualifications but presented himself more professionally he would likely be the person who ends up with the job.  I once interviewed a woman who had on such strong perfume that it literally lingered in the conference room after she left.  My eyes were watering during the interview due to my allergies.  That left a lasting impression with me when it came to making the evaluations of all the candidates.  We ended up hiring another equally qualified candidate that wouldn’t stink up the office.  

In an interview setting you have a very brief window to make an impression.  How you are dressed is part of that impression.  That doesn’t matter if you are male or female.  Yes men have it easier in the dressing department, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t noticed at all.  

Do yourself a favor, go to the suit department at Macy’s or Ann Taylor and buy yourself a nice blazer and matching skirt or even a suit.  Keep it in the back of your closet and when it comes time to do an interview, make sure it is pressed and cleaned.  Don’t show up dressed like this again until you are on your second day of the job.  Try to remember a little saying, dress for the job you want, not the one that you have.  Another words, be professional when making a first impression, especially when you have a very thin resume that accompanies being a college student.  

Hat/tip Daily Dot

Suspended Teacher Speaks at Public Hearing on her Students Get-well Letters to Convicted Cop Killer

Marilyn Zuniga, a third-grade teacher, has been suspended with pay for sending Mumia Abul-Jamal get well letters written by her students.  The board is deciding on what, if any, further action will be taken.  

 

During the meeting that was being held, Ms. Zuniga made a public statement.  In this statement she said:

“Growing up in a predominantly white suburb, attending a majority white school district, my teachers and peers marginalized me as a first generation immigrant, Peruvian-American. The cultural gap between my educators and me caused me to feel disconnected from my school work and learning altogether. It wasn’t until my experience in the classroom my senior year of high school that I realized I could be the teacher I never had.”

 Ok, fair enough.  I hope that every teacher in the country has a passion to help all students learn and to think for themselves.  That is what a teacher should be doing.  The problem is that she is going beyond that mission.  She is putting her viewpoints into the classroom and to the heads of very innocent 8-year-olds.  

Now the problem with the supporters of Mumia is that they never answer the question about why he has never told who the murderer of Officer Faulkner is.  There is no dispute that he was there and witnesses it.  There is no dispute that he had a gun.  There is no dispute that his brother assaulted Officer Faulkner.  There is no dispute that the police arrived on the scene within minutes of the shooting.  There is no dispute that Mumia was shot by the police officer.  He was a very short distance away with a gun shot wound and a weapon when the police arrived.  

Most people want to say he was arrested due to his political beliefs.  The problem is that he was arrested within minutes of the police arriving on the scene.  They didn’t have time to find out about his political beliefs and writings.  Writing that includes talk about “killing pigs”.  For those that may be unclear what that means, it is police officers.  

Anyone that has read my writing over the years knows that I am against the death penalty.  I have no problem with him be taken off death row.  But I certainly don’t think he is some innocent lamb that is being led to slaughter.  

She is entitled to her beliefs, but she isn’t entitled to bring those beliefs into the classroom.  No teacher is.  What really kills me is the people who were at this meeting supporting her.  

“It is teaching children at a tender age one of the most valuable lessons that they need to absorb in order to mature into adults who sympathize with the plight of their fellow human beings,”

It goes on:

“The lesson that was taught through this project is that in order for society to be peaceful and just, we must care about or reach out to those members of society who are most vulnerable, including children, the frail, elderly, the sick and disabled, the poor and, yes, even prisoners.”

What about the family of the dead officer?  Don’t they deserve someone to reach out to them as well?  What about the compassion for the young woman who had to go the hospital in very early hours of the morning to see her husband with a gunshot wound to his face?  A wound that was done at very close range and literally blew most of his head off.  Where is the compassion for a woman who didn’t have her happily ever after simply because her husband was doing his job?  A car was driving down the wrong way on a one-way street so he pulled it over.  He didn’t pull that car over because the driver was black.  He pulled it over because is was posing a safety hazard and violated the law.  She has lived her life without the man she loved enough to marry and pledge the rest of her life to.  

“We are here tonight because Marylin Zuniga is our hero,” Larry Hamm, chairman of the People’s Organization for Progress, said to the board members. “We ask that you restore her to her job and let her continue to teach the compassion that our children need to learn.”

Sorry to tell you Mr. Hamm, that isn’t her job.  Teaching compassion is the job of the parent.  Her job is to teach children how to think for themselves, not what to think.  Did she go over the evidence of the case?  Did she tell these students that this man has had two trials and numerous hearings and the best the defense can come up with is that it was a racist police force that sent an innocent man to jail because he was black and a political activist?  If not, that isn’t compassion, that is indoctrination.  There are two sides to this story.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I think this way beyond what a third-grader should be taught in a classroom.  But the point is still the same.  

Yes Ms. Zuniga should lose her job.  She wasn’t doing her job.  She was making political points in a classroom.  That is a job of an activist, not an educator.  She should lose her job the same way the teacher who went an anti-Obama rant should lose hers.  You are not there to push your point of view.  You are there to help them develop their own point of view.  

If you have any doubts that she is an activist her tweet that caused this uproar says it all:

Just dropped off these letters to comrade Johanna Fernandez. My 3rd graders wrote to Mumia to lift up his spirits as he is ill. #freemumia

Comrade?  Oh yeah, she doesn’t have an agenda.   

The part I think I like best about this whole thing is this:

“In April, I mentioned to my students that Mumia was very ill and they told me they would like to write ‘get well’ letters to Mumia,”

That’s right, lets throw the eight-year-olds under the bus.  

Cops, Shootings, and The Usual Knee Jerk Reactions

One of my big pet peeves is willful blindness.  I can’t stand it.  I mean I really can’t stand it.  I especially hate it when it comes to politics.  I will vote for a democrat if I believe they are best person for the job.  Now, that doesn’t happen often, but in theory it can happen. In fact, I have voted for democrats in my life.  One was a protest vote for governor many years ago.  The republican candidate made this comment about the death penalty that I just couldn’t stomach and I refused to vote for him, since I don’t like not voting, I cast my ballot for his opponent.   

I don’t like it any better when it comes to issues that while in practicality aren’t political, but where one stands on that issue usually will fall within political lines.  Cops being a good example.  Generally speaking, the far left will almost always cry racism when a white cop has some sort of altercation with a person of color.  The right will, in many instances, say the thug got what he deserved.  Normally speaking it is far more nuanced than that.  

A shooting between a white officer and black man happened last weekend, the dead man was unarmed and running away at the time of the shooting.  The police officer told his story.  Once that story was told a person who happened to be walking to work that morning saw the incident and used his phone to record it.  Once this man heard the police officer’s story he knew that his video told a very different story, so he turned it over to the family of Walker Scott, the man who was shot and killed.  

The video shows Scott running away from Officer Michael Slager.  The officer raises his firearm and shoots eight shots.  Mr Scott was struck multiple times in the back side of his body.  On the video the officer can be heard saying into his radio

“Shots fired and the subject is down. He took my Taser.”

The problem is that video doesn’t back that up.  The police officer clearly went back to where he was standing, picked up an object, walked back to the body and dropped something on the ground near a dying man. All the while giving no medical attention to man whatsoever.  

A man has lost his life.  He was shot in the back multiple times by an officer who took an oath to serve and to protect.  That is his job.  That is what he is paid to do.  The fact that people are saying this man somehow got what he deserved is simply stunning to me.  

What is the NEED to run? The action of running caused him to be shot. If he didn’t run the officer would not have shot him. He didn’t like it that he was going to be arrested due to a warrant….so he ran

The punishment for that should be death?  No judge, no trial, no jury, just a verdict by a police officer, who in seconds, lies about what happened.  That is something we want happening in this country?  

I support law enforcement.  The reason I support law enforcement is that I believe in the rule of law.  With that belief comes the understanding that sometimes the people we need to protected from are bad cops.  They are out there.  That cannot be denied.  

As conservatives we should want all bad cops to be weeded out and fired.   Yes police officers do a dangerous job.  Yes they have the right to go home at the end of every day.  But so do we.  We shouldn’t be shot in the streets by over zealous cops.  

I fully understand that more information may come out.  We have yet to hear the defense of the officer.  But conservatives can’t stand it when liberals and the media make assumptions that a police officer is racist simply based on the fact the person they are dealing with has a different hue on the color bar.  Why then are so many jumping to the conclusion that officer was somehow justified in this shooting when the evidence, at this point, doesn’t back that up?  

Mr. Scott was an unarmed man, running away from the officer.  He posed no threat.  Yes running away from the cop wasn’t smart.  But again, the punishment for that isn’t death.  That is something for a court to decide what the punishment should be, likely jail time.  Yes Mr. Scott apparently owed back child support.  Again, not punishable by being shot in the back and left face down in the dirt to die like a rabid animal.  

If you want to justify this you aren’t looking at facts.  You are making a knee jerk reaction to protect someone based on the badge he wears.  Just ask Serpico how many that wear a badge that aren’t doing it out some calling to protect you from evil criminals.  Bad cops exist.  Protecting them makes you look as willfully blind as the people who keep up the false narrative of “hands up, don’t shoot” in the case of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri.  

One of the principles of conservatism that I find most appealing is the equal protection under the law.  No one should above said law.  I don’t care what uniform he puts on.  A cop doesn’t get a pass simply because he is a cop.  He has the same rights as everyone else does.  Mr. Scott had rights as well.  Or, at least he should have.  

A social media friend of mine made a comment:

 Conservatism is only as good as that which it seeks to conserve.

Another example of what set me off today:

Sad part part is….this guy was arrested 9 times for refusing to support his children….he was willing to die, than to support his kids….and YOU people support that…..that is pathetic…

Yeah, I don’t that thinking is worth conserving.  A knee jerk reaction to protect someone who wears a badge is no better than blaming an officer for protecting themselves against a criminal who means them harm.  

 

The Race Pimps Who Let Anthony Stokes Down

Anthony Stokes was killed in a car crash.  He was driving a stolen car and was being chased by police.  This normally wouldn’t make national news, but Anthony Stokes had health problems that put him in the national spotlight two years ago.  

As a 15-year-old he was diagnosed with severe heart problems that could not be taken care of with medicine.  His only chance of survival was heart transplant.  Initially the hospital said he didn’t qualify for the transplant by the protocol in place.  He was listed as “non-complaint”.  

Race groups ran to his defense once his mother talked to the media.  Stokes, according to his mother, was turned down do behavioral issues.  He had some problems in school as well as problems with the law.  While his records as juvenile are sealed, the family admitted he had some issues with violence.  This of course turned into a race thing.  From Think Progress

Regardless of Anthony’s specific past, his story fits into a larger pattern of racially-motivated skepticism about young black men. The routine criminalization of black youth — thanks in large part to the so-called “school-to-prison pipeline,” which funnels a disproportionate number of black teens into the justice system for minor infractions — ensures that teens like Anthony are often seen as threats. And once society labels those kids as criminal, suspect, or “non-compliant,” their lives are typically considered to have less value.

Now the hospital never publicly commented on their decision, as they cannot due to HIPPA.  So we only have the word of the mother of what that meant.  She herself said that the worry was that he wouldn’t do the proper follow-ups and take his meds in a timely fashion.  Which if you know anyone that has had an organ transplant are vital to long-term survival.  

The real tragedy of this story, besides the loss of a young man, is that people who ran to defense were no where to found once he was given the heart transplant.  Where were the race baiters who cried for the injustice once the camera’s went away?  The SPLC were all to willing to stand in front of the camera to use that young man for a political talking point.  But after the heart transplant was completed he lost his usefulness.  

If they are standing up and talking about how #blacklivesmatter why weren’t they giving the support that teenager so obviously needed?  Where were his parents to help keep him on track?  I realize that every child that goes wrong isn’t a direct relation to parenting skills. While growing up I knew a girl whose older siblings both became doctors and she was hell on wheels.  Some children, regardless of the circumstances of their upbringing, turn out differently than what people would expect.  But in many cases the children that do go wrong at a young age are doing so because they don’t have proper role models and a family unit that is functional.  

The young man was given a second chance at life with his heart transplant.  But he wasn’t given a second chance to live that life in a way that honored the donor.  He was a political tool and talking point about how this country doesn’t care about young black men.  While the SPLC did indeed give him a name of therapist to help him with the transition after his surgery, they did no follow-up to make sure he was actually attending.  

This is one of the reasons that I can’t take these race pimps seriously. When the camera is on, they are right there to soak in their time in the media glare.  But when the media hype dies down and the real work that needs to be done is beckoning, they are nowhere to be found.  

I am certainly not excusing the young man, he made the choices that resulted in his death, but he isn’t the only one that deserves the blame.  If the race baiters want to say that black lives matter, then they need to be in the trenches and reach out to the at risk kids that are so selfishly using to increase their own coffers.  

When the black community finally has enough of the people who are using them for their own ends, maybe they will see some progress.  But until then, stop telling me that I don’t think black lives matter, when you can’t do something as simple as making a follow-up phone call to see if the kid ever bothered to show up for the therapist.  Stop telling me that the mother, who had no problem going in front of the camera for guilt shaming the hospital into changing protocol for surgery couldn’t do anything when the red flags were appearing everywhere, including another arrest in January of this year.  That is the time that she should have gone back in front of the media and shamed all the race baiters who said they wanted her son to have a chance at a better life but simply walked away when the real work had to be done.  

Getting the transplant was the easy part.  That isn’t what was going to give him a second chance at life.  The second chance was seeing the error of his ways and living a life away from crime.  That was going to take real work and dedication outside of the spotlight.  That was the time to show that black lives matter.  It is a shame that no one bothered to show up.  

 

 

A Career Woman Answers the Question Does a Hard Working Dad Feel Guilt & Doesn’t Even Know She Did

I was reading this article from Good Housekeeping titled I’m 99% Mom and 1% Wife: And It Has to be That Way.  Really?  It has to be this way?  I don’t think it does nor should it be that way.  

I put John last, pretty much all the time. And it’s not like he’s a bad guy — far from it. He does the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, makes the kids’ lunches, even braids my daughter’s hair. He often compliments me, and regularly asks if we can go away, alone, for a weekend, or at least out to lunch.

I tell him I have no time for leisurely lunches, let alone two entire days away. I can’t be bothered to figure out who is going to take care of our kids, pack, unpack, then scramble getting ready for Monday morning.

What kind of marriage is that?  Now I realize that feminists have, over the years, made marriage seem like a bad thing, but why even bother to keep pretending you have a marriage if this is truly how you feel?  

It is very hard to keep a marriage going after the kiddos come along.  The more you have, the more time the kids will take up.  But, that doesn’t mean you don’t get to behave like being a spouse is unimportant. 

While I think many people think the skill sets for being a parent and being a spouse are pretty much the same, they are also very different.  Your children should be enhancing your marriage, not causing you to ignore it.   

She goes on:

I’ve spoken this sentence to John. “Let me be clear: If I have to choose between you or one of the kids, you will lose every time. Do you have a problem with that?”

No why would he?  It isn’t like he is their father and loves just as much as she does.  

I put John last, pretty much all the time. And it’s not like he’s a bad guy — far from it. He does the laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, makes the kids’ lunches, even braids my daughter’s hair. He often compliments me, and regularly asks if we can go away, alone, for a weekend, or at least out to lunch.

I tell him I have no time for leisurely lunches, let alone two entire days away. I can’t be bothered to figure out who is going to take care of our kids, pack, unpack, then scramble getting ready for Monday morning.

But she is the main breadwinner.  

For most of the last 10 years, I’ve been the breadwinner. I worked long hours commuting into Manhattan full-time. Now, John has a job, but I still commute, and also work from home trying to keep us ahead of the bills.

My older son is in college, and I will save him from student loans or die trying. My younger son has some special needs, and keeping him on track is a full-time job. My daughter, like any 11-year-old girl, wants her mom to listen, to watch, to help. The clock is ticking on her innocence, and I dare not miss a second of what’s left of it.

I am tired, and I am worried. Worried there won’t be enough. Enough money, enough luck, enough time, enough of me. John’s a great dad, but I play a singular role in each of my kid’s lives. And as they’ve grown, the urgency to get it right screams at me, day and night.

It sounds like that John was a stay at home for a period of time.  So that makes her comments even more shocking.  By that I mean isn’t it feminists that keep harping on this stupid theory that some how men who are out working don’t get what it is like to have the responsibility of home life and the female gets stuck with all those roles?  In this family the roles are reversed.  He is the one doing the day to day, yet she still realizes that a mom and a dad have different roles in the life of a child.  Their expectations of what they want from them are different.  

She has taken on the traditional role of the man in her family, yet isn’t happy that she has to worry about the money being enough, the time being enough, the kids getting enough. 

No matter what your particular family dynamic is, there is guilt either way.  This woman has answered those questions for feminists without realizing she has done it.  It is strangely and sadly comical.  

The main breadwinner who is out working feels guilt.  They too wish they had more time to be a more active and involved parent and spouse.  But there is only so much to go around, so they take shortcuts and prioritize what works best for them.  

There are no easy ways to navigate marriage and parenthood.  But ignoring your spouse and putting your marriage on the back-burner you are doing your children no favors.  They aren’t seeing a healthy relationship  By thinking that having a big Christmas with every little thing they ask for under the tree will make up for the shortcomings of not being around, the only person you’re deluding is yourself.  

This woman may be a much happier person as well as a both a better parent and spouse if she realizes that providing all the material things isn’t nearly as important as giving of yourself.  Forgo some of the extra Christmas and birthday gifts.  Let your kids take on a little of the responsibility of paying for college, or send them to a community college for two years.  You can spend your money in different ways and not feel this burden to “have it all”.  

To John, you obviously love your wife and children very much.  One day they are going to read this article and fully understand what it means; and they will love you all the more.  

The Further Criminalization of Parenting

Danielle and Alexander Meitiv were recently investigated by the police and child welfare for allowing their two children, aged 10 and 6, to walk home from the park without them.  The walk is approximately one mile in length.  A person, who very likely thought they were doing a good deed, saw the children and called the police.

The Meitiv’s live in Silver Spring, Maryland, a suburb of Washington, DC.  The law in Maryland states that a child under the age of 8 cannot be home alone without someone who is at least 13-years-old.  It says nothing about being outside of your home.  But that didn’t stop the police.  Now, I want to be clear, the police aren’t really to blame here.  They were called.  They had to respond.  They followed the law, as is their job.  With children they are also most likely obligated to contact Child Protective Services.

Child Protective Services were contacted and came to check out the parents and the safety of the children.  When CPS arrived at their home, they were interrogated and told not to allow the children out alone unsupervised.  They were told that they were being investigated for neglect.  They were basically told do as your told, or your children will be taken away.

CPS has finished their investigation and the outcome is “unsubstantiated child neglect”.  Whatever the heck that really means I’m not sure, but for these parents they are now in the cross hairs of CPS for the next five years.  That is not a typo.  For the next five years, they will be continually monitored for child abuse.  Insert primal scream here.  

It matters none if you agree with their parenting style, known as Free Range Parenting.  It matters none if you would feel safe letting your children walk a mile on their own.  What matters is do you want the state to have this type of power over your choices as a parent?  

Now, when I was kid I was not driven to my middle school on a daily basis. Unless the weather was bad, we walked.  I can’t tell you how long of a walk that was, but I figure it had to be at least a mile, if not a little more.  I also walked through a wooded area when I did it.  I did this twice a day for three years.  I grew up in one of the few states that allows you to have your late in the year birthday kids start school when they are four, if you choose.  My mother did make that choice because I already knew how to read and she felt I was ready.  That means I was ten when I started middle school.  So was my mother guilty of neglect when I was walking to school?  I guess I might have thought so at the time if it was snowing or raining out.   

Here are the facts, the rates of children being abducted by strangers is down by more than 35%.  A child is in much more danger of being in accident while you are driving them to school instead of letting them walk.  Do we start telling parents who drive their kids to school are guilty of neglect because the odds are far greater of being hurt than they are if they walked instead?  

Parents need to let children grow, mature, and learn responsibility.  How each parent chooses to do that is going to vary.  But it is part and parcel of the parenting experience.  Today, we are seeing more and more parents who are constantly on top of their children.  The so-called helicopter parents.  The parents who are so engaged with their children and their activities that we hear stories about them involving themselves in the job interview process.  

Government is getting larger and larger.  It is getting more and more intrusive.  A government that can swoop in and decide that a parent isn’t allowed to make a choice about a short walk home from the park is a government that is way too large.  A government that now has the right to investigate these parents for the next five years is a government that I don’t want.  

I am not sure I would let a ten and six-year-old walk a mile on their own.  I lived outside of Washington, DC for many years.  I know the Silver Spring area fairly well.  The children were walking on Georgia Avenue, it is a major roadway that normally has a great deal of traffic.  But what I don’t know is the maturity levels of these children.  There will be ten-year-olds that are very likely ready for that walk.  

But I do know that I don’t think that act alone is a good enough reason for this family to be investigated continuously for the next five years.  Has anyone thought that these children are going to become distrustful of police now?  How is that a good thing?  

These children have learned a valuable lesson.  A government that is large can do almost anything.  I hope they carry this with them into adulthood.  

Why the Attack on the Obama Girls Matters

Elizabeth Lauten, former PR representative for Congressman Stephen Fincher(R) of Tennessee, has resigned from her job after a facebook posting on the Obama girls went viral.  

“Dear Sasha and Malia, I get you’re both in those awful teen years, but you’re a part of the First Family, try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play. Then again your mother and father don’t respect their positions very much, or the nation for that matter, so I’m guessing you’re coming up a little short in the ‘good role model’ department. Nevertheless, stretch yourself. Rise to the occasion. Act like being in the White House matters to you. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar. And certainly don’t make faces during televised public events.

The hashtag #fireelizabethlauten was trending on twitter for a time and this Facebook post got a great deal of media attention.  It likely got way more attention that it deserved, but it did deserve some attention.  One of the things that makes me a conservative is the fact that I believe in family and family values.  I want to associate myself with those that have those same beliefs.  Now I am not saying that only conservatives have family values and that my definition of what that means is the only true definition.  I know plenty of liberals who are great parents and put a great deal of time and effort in being the best parents and want the same types of things for the next generation that I do.  But I don’t believe that the democrats put family first, I think they put government first.  That I strongly disagree with and I am willing to stand up and fight against it.  I believe that putting government first gets in the way of forging strong family bonds that is a cornerstone of society.  

Do I think that losing her job was really necessary?  There is a part of me that says no, but deep down I have to say I agree with the decision of her leaving her position as the Public Relations person for a sitting congressman.  A congressman who has a section on website labeled Christian Values.  Since when did a grown PR professional attacking a 13 and 16-year-old girl become a Christian Value?  

I am getting a little sick and tired of hearing, well what about the Bush girls?  What about the Palin children?  I have written extensively on how young children of people running for high office should be off-limits.  They have made no choice in the matter of what their parents do.  I have also been quite clear that I hold people who have young children running for high office with more than just a tad of suspicion.  I question the judgement of people putting their kids in that type of fishbowl.  Because that is exactly what it is.  But in any event, I don’t care to play a game of tit for tat.  It is unseemly at best.  Nor does it actually solve anything.  

If the base of the GOP want the party to represent family values; which many do, then start acting like you respect them yourself.  Saying that a 13-year-old is dressed for a bar because of the length of her skirt doesn’t quite have that feeling of respecting families to me.  

Politics, much like reality, is largely about perception.  The perception for Congressman Fincher is that he had a PR person that didn’t care all that much for those values that he runs on.  Those values that have led him to a life a public service.  Those values that are supposed to be a guiding force in the votes that he casts not just for his own district, but those that could affect every American across the country.  

While it may not “fair” that Ms. Lauten lost her job, it is the perception of what she did that made it impossible for her to continue to work for a person that says he cares about families and Christian values.  More to the point, life isn’t fair.  It never has been and it never will be. 

I don’t want to people who give me lip service about those values.  I don’t want people who decide that taking the moral high ground is too much work.  Yes the left goes after the children of conservatives.  David Letterman paid virtually no price for going after Willow Palin.  But David Letterman is self-employed and doesn’t work for a sitting member of congress, whereas Elizabeth did.  Trying to compare the two is apples and oranges.  

If conservatives want to fight for family values, standing by a young woman who felt that is was acceptable to go after two underage teenagers isn’t the way to go about it.  

Ms. Lauten will be just fine.  She will find another position.  The notoriety that she has received from this almost guarantees that.  But people justifying her behavior, and sadly some are, will only serve to give the calls of hypocrite more credence.  Actually take a stand for the values that you say you believe in, even when someone on your “side” makes an error in judgement makes an unwarranted attack on children.  If not, don’t talk about your family and Christian values.  You obviously don’t really mean it, it is just lip service.  This isn’t about elections, this isn’t about winning or losing, it is about right and wrong.  Leave underage children of politicians alone.  

 

Yes, Matt Walsh, Robin Williams lost the ability to see the joy in his life

I haven’t posted in a quite some time for a variety of reasons.  But this I couldn’t sit out.  As everyone who doesn’t live under a rock has heard by now, Robin Williams committed suicide earlier this week.  He wasn’t fooling around either, he slit his wrists and wrapped a belt around his neck. He wasn’t interested in failing at this.  The darkness was going to come to a conclusion.

The normal (yes, sadly this is normal) he was a horrible man who committed a very selfish act comments started almost immediately.  I must remember to stay off social media after these type of events happen as it only upsets me. His daughter Zelda has been chased off social media due to the cruelty of others.   

All of my regular readers know that I have been very open and honest about the fact that I suffer from long-term clinical depression, known as Major Depressive Disorder.  I have had this since I was in high school and possibly earlier.  I am not ashamed of it, it is part of who I am.  I don’t like it and I wish it were different, but it isn’t.  This is one of the crosses that I have to bear in my life.  We all have them, whatever they may be.  

I want to scream when I see what is said about mental illness after an event puts it in the news once again.  A famous person committing suicide, a mass shooting, or whatever else happens to make this issue get national attention.  Sadly, it has become predictable to point of comedy.  You can almost predict to the minute before you see the whole “selfish” thing start after news of  a suicide.  

Yes, when a person leaves the world by taking their own life they leave behind questions.  They leave loved ones who feel guilt, who wonder why they couldn’t help them.  It is hard to be that loved one.  Now, that is something that I don’t really have a great deal of experience with, as the small amount of people who I know that have done this weren’t all that close to me.  I knew them and some cases really liked them, but it has never been someone very close to me, with one possible exception.  A guy that grew up two houses down from me died by grabbing onto live wires at a train crossing.  We went to school together, we had the same first high school job together.  We shared many interests and were close for a long period of time.  He eventually moved to another state and we lost touch with one another.  He died in Florida.  We were in our early 20’s at the time, if I recall correctly.  He recently had been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and was said to be coping rather well.  But at some point he stopped taking his meds, a very bad break up with his long-term girlfriend, and the lack of close friends after a recent move led him into his darkness that he saw no recovery from.  He took his own life.  He left behind a mother, a step father, a younger brother, and many close friends in our home state of CT hurt and angry.  

Oddly, I wasn’t angry at him.  I was envious in very strange way.  His pain was over while mine just continued.  On and on it went.  I had yet to be given a proper diagnosis of my problems.  I had already made one attempt at ending my life at that point, and would make another just a few short years later.  Mine was triggered by events.  My BFF from my entire childhood was killed in a car accident. She was in a car going someplace that I was supposed to go and was unable to attend due to family that came in from out-of-town.  Talk about guilt.  It was horrible and it took me many, many years to get over her death and the guilt that I felt.  I still think about her everyday.  The second downward spiral in my life came after a relationship with a man I had planned on marrying came to an end.  That also took me a very long time to come to grips with.  Quite honestly I am far better off that I didn’t marry him. He had many issues, not the least among them a substance abuse problem.  But I was devastated just the same.  

Blogger Matt Walsh talked about the joy of life and how that should be enough to sustain you through your dark moments.  From what I can glean from the post, Mr. Walsh seems to have an understanding of depression, he says he has struggled for many years with it.  I wonder.  

One of the worst things about my depression is how it robs me of the joy in the world.  That is what it does.  I can see many good things in my life.  I see the people who love me, who I love back.  The things that I have been able to accomplish in spite of the fact that I have suffered from clinical depression for the majority of my life are quite good.  I have a degree from a highly regarded university from which I graduated with high honors.  I have a family life today that at one point I never dreamed I would have.  I love them dearly.  They love me back.  That is part of the joy in my world.  

But, I don’t always treat them the way I should.  It isn’t on purpose.  I become withdrawn.  I seek shelter in the safety of my bed.  I sleep a great deal.  I don’t want to do much of anything.  I am lucky that the man in my life notices it and does his best to be supportive and I love him all the more for it.  He reminds me of doctor appointments, he will ask about my meds.  He will take me out for Fro Yo, which I just love.  He will clean up the house and do other things around the house when he senses that I am feeling overwhelmed.  He is a keeper.  But as I said, there are days that I just don’t feel all the good that should come from having him in my life.  I see it, but I don’t feel it.  I don’t think I deserve it.  I wonder why he gives up so much and gets so little in return.  

Does Mr. Walsh think that women who suffer from postpartum depression don’t understand that there is joy in the world?  They have a newborn baby to care for.  A child that brings much joy to them and their family, yet they still feel the darkness, the pain, the confusion, the guilt that comes part and parcel with clinical depression. Their hormones are going nuts.  Their bodies aren’t allowing them to feel the joy that little bundle of wonderment has brought them, they see it, they just don’t feel it.  They aren’t being selfish.  They are coping the best that they can in a horrible situation.  

It is amazing that people can easily accept that other parts of our body are ill but not our brains.  That can’t possibly be the reason.  I mean many cases of osteoporosis are caused by chemical in-balances in our bodies.  We have these things called osteopaths and osteoblasts in our bodies.  One helps build bone density, one thins the bones.  When we have a proper balance between the two our bone density will be fine.  When we have an in-balance, our bones become weaker and more prone to breakage.  Our hearts and livers have many different types of enzymes, we have insulin levels in our bodies that help us digest sugar.  We need the proper balances for our bodies to run correctly.  Why is that people think that our brain is so different?  It isn’t.  Our brain is an organ just like the others.  It needs certain things to function “normally”.  

Our brains give off chemicals when we exercise, when we have sex, when we are experience the “joy” in our lives.  The make us feel good.  Clinical depression causes our bodies not to produce those chemicals in the same manner.  Sometimes I wonder if I have any at all.  These chemicals are also a cause of why some are more at risk of becoming substance abusers. I have a childhood friend who became a heroin addict in her teens and early twenties.  One of the things that she, and others that I know that have had the same experience, tells me is that the first time you use it the euphoria you get is something that they never experienced before or since.  It never feels as good as it did the first time.  That is how they become addicted, they are chasing that high.  They are looking for something that make them feel that feeling once again.    

We know very little about the amazing thing that is the human brain.  There are so many things that we don’t fully understand.  Why will some fully recover from traumatic head injury while others will not?  Why some don’t produce the proper levels of neurotransmitters that give them a healthy sense of the world around them and others do?  But we know that it happens.  Or least some of us do.  Others live in denial of that fact.  

I don’t know if it is fear that keeps people from seeing the truth, but they do.  One of the most ridiculous things I heard since the death of Mr. Williams was a comparison of his death to that of a suicide bomber.  Yes, someone actually said that.  Insert primal scream here.  

The lack of compassion shown to people who are in trouble and are dealing with a darkness that is so severe it is almost impossible to explain, is nothing short of breathtaking.  You hear about how if you just let Jesus into your life that you will be healed.  Does Jesus heal cases of bone problems?  Does Jesus heal cases of juvenile diabetes, which isn’t caused by behavioral issues, but strictly a genetic problem of not producing the needed amounts of insulin?  I am sure some will recall a story of someone they know who was healed, but many faithful people have medical problems that are directly related to their bodies over/under producing chemicals in their bodies, and therefore need medical care to deal with those problems.  

Mr. Williams was very open and honest about his problems with clinical depression.  He talked about it publicly many times.  That isn’t an assertion, that is fact.  He was also very open about his drug and drinking problems that he suffered and found ways to overcome for decades.  Depression and substance abuse tend to go hand in hand.  People turn to substances to just feel a little relief, even if it is only briefly.  People with depression try to find all kinds of ways just to feel a little relief.  

I can’t speak for what was going on in Mr. Williams’ head on Monday.  I can only talk about what my experiences have been.  What I can tell you is that when I was seriously considering taking my own life, the one person I didn’t think about was myself.  I thought about everyone but me.  I was not acting in a selfish way.  I was looking to not only stop the pain, but to no longer be the burden that I perceived myself as being.  I felt broken beyond repair.  That there was no hope that things would ever change for me.  That I was always going to be living in a very dark place that hurt.  I was in a closet that got smaller and smaller every day.  I felt like I could barely breathe most of the time.  I was only dragging the people who loved me down.  They would be better off without me.  They would actually thank me one day.  I was doing them, and the world, a favor.  

With what we know as public record of Mr. Williams and his problems, I would guess he didn’t feel all that much different.  You see, it doesn’t matter what you have, how famous you may be, how much you do or do not love Jesus, how many people you have that care about you, it matters what you feel on the inside.  In the places that most people can’t see.  The deep recesses of your heart that most people are too afraid to talk about.  Those are things that matter.  Those are things that clinical depression rob you of.  Those are things that are warped in your pain and your turmoil.  You aren’t being selfish, you are trying to find a solution to a problem that from your point of view has no end.  A problem that you are bringing into the lives of everyone else around you.  You are the cause for their discomfort.  You are the reason that they too can’t enjoy life.  You become the reason that joy is being taken from them, and since you know exactly what that feels like, you just want it to end.  For everyone involved.  You too feel guilt and remorse.

Think about this the next time you tell a person who is suffering from depression to “get over it”, or “it will get better”, or one of my personal favorites, “others have it much worse than you do”.  Yeah, I know that logically.  But logic and depression don’t exist on the same plane.  Stop looking for logic in mental illness, it doesn’t exist.  Reach out to the person.  Be there to listen to them talk about why they feel so bad without judgement.  Try and get them medical attention.  They may resist, but try anyway.  You may just save them from the fate that Mr. Williams was not able to pull himself away from.  Show true compassion to those feel that they don’t deserve it.  Who feel that they aren’t worthy of it.  

R.I.P Mr. Williams.  Thanks for laughs and the tears you brought into our lives with your career.  Thanks for the money you raised for children with cancer.  Thanks for entertaining our troops who were a long way from home and willing to die to protect our freedoms.  Find peace.  One can hope that your death will help educate at least one person on the dangers of mental illness and accept the fact that it is indeed an illness, not a choice.  

 

Cantor Out as Majority Leader

A simply stunning outcome last night in Virginia.  A house majority leader loses in his party’s primary.  Something that has never happened in the history of our country.  I personally thought that Cantor didn’t take the race seriously enough but would still win out in the end.  I was wrong.  He lost by more than ten points.

But I will say that people who don’t understand the ins and outs of Virginia politics are getting some things wrong.  On the national stage they are talking about how Brat won on the amnesty issue.  There may be some of that in there, but it certainly wasn’t the entire reason.  Cantor’s view on immigration is exactly like Lindsay Graham’s and he won easily.

In Virginia there is no party registration.  As such whenever there is a primary anyone can vote.  It is very easy for people in the other party to show up at the polls and place a vote for a candidate that is most likely to lose to their candidate of choice.  As such, there is great deal of back and forth about conventions vs. primaries within the local political debate.  Cantor firmly falls on the primary side of the debate.  An issue that I agree with him on.  I personally feel that primaries are the most inclusive and that conventions put some voters into the position of not getting their voices heard. But even that isn’t all of the story.  There is a parliamentary rule in Virginia called slating.  In slating when you get 50% of your district to agree to use this rule only a certain amount of people are allowed to vote in a convention or committee meeting.  So if you don’t happen to fall into the chosen few, even if you are willing to travel the convention you can’t vote.

Many in Virginia have very strong feelings about slating.  Most of which are highly negative.  I personally believe that this is the rule and those who know the rules of the game best win.  So I am not going to put people who like this practice down.  They are following the rules of the game.  If you don’t like the rules, get yourself into position within the local committee to change them.  Complaining and calling others cheaters doesn’t solve anything.  My main point here is that Cantor and his camp really upset many people by using these rules.  At least that is the impression that many have.  Heaven knows that, especially in politics, perception is reality.

David Brat had no money.  He spent somewhere around $200,000 total on his campaign, whereas Cantor spent more than that on one dinner for his supporters.  But what he did have was very dedicated volunteers that literally knocked on every door in that district that was marked as a republican.  Again, there is no party registration in the state, but voting habits get you listed as a D or an R.  Brat also did get some much needed help from two conservative radio talk show hosts.  Mark Levin, who lives in Virginia, and Laura Ingraham, who lives in D.C.  Both of them had him on their show and Ingraham did at least one rally with him.  Both have large audiences and it seems it had at least a little bit of an effect.

There also was the issue that many in his district felt that he didn’t listen to them.  That he was no longer representing them, but looking towards being the Speaker of the House when Boehner decides to step down.  He was next in line.  I have heard many in his district say that they didn’t get return calls or letters when they would contact his office.  They felt he lost touch with what his job was supposed to be; representing them not worrying about consolidating his own power.  He rarely spent time in his own district. Another big difference between he and Lindsay Graham. Graham is very well known for being excellent on being there to listen to his voters.  His staff is actually larger in his state than in D.C..

For those in the media that are saying he (Brat) is some sort of right winged lunatic it is going to be difficult to get that to stick.  Cantor labeled him as the liberal in the race.  Cantor campaigned on being the true conservative.   His policies are simply basic republican fare.  He campaigned on giving power back to the states, the amnesty issue and the rule of law, reducing our national debt, and reigning in out of control government.  There is nothing extreme about those views.  That is what the GOP is supposed to be for.

Another very interesting part of this story is how Brat campaigned.  He actually stood up and talked policies instead of platitudes.  He never made personal attacks on Cantor.  Many in the media called him a joke based on this alone.

I think that Brat has shown that people are hungry to be talked to like adults.  They can understand policy issues and they aren’t all that interested in the personal ugly side of politics.  That of course isn’t going to go away anytime soon because they do work.  But a small shift is happening.

I had no dog in this fight.  I see both sides of Cantor staying and Cantor going.  Politics is much like a marriage; a series of compromises.  But when those compromises almost always walk away from the basic tenets of what the party is supposed to stand for, it may be time for a change in leadership.  Cantor went after the tea party quite publicly.  While no national Tea Party “group” gave Brat the time of day, the local activists took notice and put the work in to show him that they are still there and are expecting results.

The district is pretty conservative and I personally find it a good thing that dems are going to pour money into that district.  It is less they can use on other races.  It isn’t impossible for a dem to win in that district, but it seems this is lining up to be a republican wave year much like 2010 and it isn’t likely that dems can take advantage of Cantor’s demise.

Bergdahl Classification Isn’t What Matters – Don’t Miss the Larger Picture

All over the media there is horror and consternation in regards to the Bergdahl return.  He is being called a traitor and I have seen many calls for the death penalty floating about.  You are missing the bigger picture here.  First and foremost, the military never classified Bergdahl as a deserter.  That makes a huge difference in how the military should behave in trying to find and free him.  The military had an obligation to do so.  Secondly, the bigger picture seems to be getting missed here.  President Obama broke the law in order to get his return.  It doesn’t matter what the standing of the soldier is.  The law would be broken even if there were not serious questions about Bergdahl’s actions.

Now from the media reports I have read the sequence of events in this “trade” is that a video was made in December of 2013.  The White House was made aware of the video the following month.  In this very short video (I believe it is under three minutes) it reportedly shows Bergdahl in bad health.  In the statements made by the administration, as well as the president himself, the narrative that they are using is that they saw that his health was deteriorating and knew something had to be done.  Does that make sense to you?

If his health was so dire why did they wait close to five months to do something about it?  If his health was the reason for the “prisoner swap” wouldn’t they have done it in late January or early February?  This is one among many questions that must be answered.

Another one of the narratives that the White House is laying out there is the need for absolute secrecy.  Everyone knows that there are leaks coming out of Capitol Hill.  That can’t be denied.  But this is also the same institution that knew about the bin Laden raid months in advance.  Nothing of that leaked.  One would like to think that members of congress take national security seriously.  There are many who look at Bergdahl as a traitor, some of those people are members of Capitol Hill.  But that doesn’t mean that they would voluntarily risk the life of that man by leaking the information.  This is just a ginned up excuse that the administration is floating to direct attention away from the fact that he has clearly broken the law.  A law, I might add, that he signed.  It isn’t like he wasn’t aware that the law existed.  It seems like the touted Constitutional law professor has left those ideals behind.

This administration has emboldened the Taliban to take additional Americans hostages.  Not to mention many other rogue nations across the world such as North Korea, Iran, and a whole host of others.  We are now known for negotiating with terrorists.  We have crossed that line and there will be no going back.

Conservatives need to do themselves a favor and let the military justice system do what needs to be done and let them handle Bergdahl, we have much bigger fish to fry.

Impeachment must be discussed in this context.  I have never called for that before during the Obama administration because I don’t think incompetence is grounds for impeachment.  But this is a situation where multiple laws were broken, our national security has been endangered, and our troops all over the world have had a target put on their backs forever more.  That should not be allowed to stand.  This is the fight we should be waging.  Bergdahl is only a small cog in the wheel.  Let the Department of Defense handle him.

From The You Can’t Handle the Truth Files – Mark Cuban Edition

“In this day and age, this country has really come a long way putting any type of bigotry behind us, regardless of who it’s toward. We’ve come a long way, and with that progress comes a price. We’re a lot more vigilant and we’re a lot less tolerant of different views, and it’s not necessarily easy for everybody to adapt or evolve.

I mean, we’re all prejudiced in one way or another. If I see a black kid in a hoodie and it’s late at night, I’m walking to the other side of the street. And if on that side of the street, there’s a guy that has tattoos all over his face — white guy, bald head, tattoos everywhere — I’m walking back to the other side of the street. And the list goes on of stereotypes that we all live up to and are fearful of. So in my businesses, I try not to be hypocritical. I know that I’m not perfect. I know that I live in a glass house, and it’s not appropriate for me to throw stones.”

So says Mark Cuban to Inc. Magazine in an answer to question about his upcoming vote in the NBA and the Sterling saga.

Of course yet another firestorm has emerged from these statements.  Somehow this is becoming about Trayvon Martin. I suppose the Martin family have some sort trademark on the word Hoodie now.   To the point that Cuban has issued an apology to the Martin Family:

“In hindsight, I should have used different examples.  I didn’t consider the Trayvon Martin family and I apologize to them for that. Beyond apologizing to the Martin family, I stand by the words and the substance of the interview.”

 

There is nothing that Cuban said that is untrue.  The problem is that in today’s society the truth is no longer valued.  What a sad state of affairs that is.

We are human beings.  As such we all have frailties.  We all make judgements every single day about people we see out in public.  We do that for safety purposes.  If you are on a first date and that person rubs you the wrong way due to any number of reasons, you are making a judgement not to have a second date.  How you dress for a job interview can, and likely will, make a difference in if you are going to get a job offer or not.  Do you honestly believe that a law firm is going to hire someone who shows up in flip-flops and cut off jeans shorts?  Not likely.  Fair or not fair, it is the way it is.

I will be the first to admit that if I was walking down the street in the dark and I saw someone with a hoodie on, I would think twice.  It has nothing to do with the color of their skin, but the fact that they are trying to hide their face from view.  I would wonder why.  If I saw some big burly man that had wild tattoos all over I would also feel a little fearful.  The same way a black person would feel fearful if they saw a person walking down the road in a KKK hood.  Heck, in fact I would be fearful if I saw someone in a KKK garb and I am not black.  In my mind someone wearing that is someone worth being fearful of.  It is going to set off red flags in my mind.  A swastika is another fearful sign to me.  Does that make me a racist?

Another thing that I am fearful of is neighborhoods with high crime rates.  I lived just outside of DC for almost two decades.  I didn’t go to certain neighborhoods unless it was absolutely necessary.  To me that is common sense and has nothing to do with skin color.   I would feel the same way regardless of skin color of the majority of people living in that neighborhood.

We must talk about these issues instead of labeling someone a racist.  Which of course is exactly what happened to Mark Cuban once this interview went viral:

From twitter:

“Mark Cuban is racist. If I see him walking down the street I’m walking on the other side [because] I’m scared of him.”

 

This from Michelle Obama:

No matter what you do, the point is to never be afraid to talk about these issues, particularly the issue of race, because even today, we still struggle to do that. This issue is so sensitive, so complicated, so bound up with a painful history.

 And we need your generation to help us break through – we need all of you to ask the hard questions and have the honest conversations because that is the only way we will heal the wounds of the past and move forward to a better future.

She may have said it a little differently, but ultimately the context is the same.  We must talk about these issues.  We must face our own biases and prejudices in order to deal with them and overcome them.  We all have them.  Even if it is as simple as our political views.  Many in this country put the democrat in a certain box, put the republican in certain box.  Very few people fit neatly in the boxes that they get stuffed in.

Telling the truth shouldn’t be as controversial as it has become these days.  At this point in history we should be able to handle the truth that people carry stereotypes with them in life.  That virtually all people see certain things in their life and respond in ways that can be conceived as negative.  We make judgements based on how one is dressed.  We make judgements based on the neighborhoods that one lives in.  We make judgements on what type of work someone does.  It is only when we acknowledge these judgements and yes talk about them openly that we can finally break through the barriers of our preconceived notions that we all carry.

In 2014 we should be able to handle the truth.

Welcome to Conservatism Whoopi Goldberg

Not that she realizes she did this, but Ms. Goldberg made the conservative talking point about the welfare system during a discussion with Dr. Ben Carson on The View yesterday.  

“As a former welfare mother, very few people want to be on welfare. Very few want to walk with their kids and take food stamps. Most people would rather work. I don’t feel bad about being a welfare mother because I contribute as an American – that’s what we do. And because the welfare system is so bizarre, you can’t work, they don’t allow you to work because they take the money from you. So if we fix the system so that it doesn’t hurt the people, maybe it’ll get better.”

How long have conservatives been saying this?  For decades that is how long.  Now I will concede the point that some on the right disparage people who take from entitlement programs.  I am not among them.  I go after the system, not the people themselves.  The system is broken.  It isn’t designed to help people.  It entraps them therefore keeping them in poverty.  

As long as the system stays the way it is currently set up we will continue to have the same problems plaguing it.  For instance the food stamps program is currently set up so that if you make even one dollar above the max amount you lose everything.  That tells people that taking a better job that pays $100 more per month is actually going to cost you everything you get in food stamps.  If your food bill is over that amount, which the prices of groceries today being what they are, you can’t afford to buy food.  

The only true answer to help people find their way off entitlement programs is to pro-rate the benefits.  This way a person who can slowly move their way up the ladder in the workforce isn’t afraid of taking that better paying position. Today they are.  

On this Whoopi and I agree.  The problem is most liberals say you are dissing the poor when you talk about these things.  You are trying to starve poor children.  You hate minorities.  Or whatever other insult they will hurl at you that particular day.  I am not against all entitlement programs.  I think safety nets are necessary when people hit hard times.  What I don’t like is a system that doesn’t give you a way out once you hit those hard times.  

I believe that people should be able to find better jobs without the fear of homelessness or lack of food.  But the current system isn’t designed to do that.  

I doubt that Ms. Goldberg realizes that she has a conservative view-point on the welfare system, but she does.  Welcome to the right Whoopi.   I know you don’t think you belong here, but your view-point is more conservative than you think.  

Forget About Your Hard-Earned Honors Awards in Rhode Island

A middle school in East Greenwich, Rhode Island has cancelled the time honored tradition of “Honors Night”.  It might hurt the feelings of some:

“members of the school community have long expressed concerns related to the exclusive nature of Honors Night,” 

Isn’t that the point?  I mean really.  The honor roll is for students that worked hard and achieved a certain grade point average.  At least that is what I always led to believe.  I guess it has changed since I left school. Oh, but have no fear the students will indeed get their moment in the sun with “team based” recognition during graduation ceremonies.   

“This will afford us the opportunity to celebrate the individual and collective successes of all students and their effort, progress, and excellence,”

What I would like to know is did the collective do the homework and studying for the students that were able to make the honor roll this year?  If not, aren’t they get recognized for something that they didn’t actually do?  

This collective nonsense is killing this country.  We are not preparing students for the real world.  When you out looking for a job, it isn’t a team.  It is you.  When you are out working that job, it is your work ethic that will make a difference in your pay scales, your job titles, and all else that goes with working in the real world.  Even if you are in a “team” environment, you still have to pull your own weight or you will get kicked to the curb.  Do you think if you are working in job that has this collective work environment that your “teammates” are going to be happy if they are working overtime to get the job done and you are walking out at five minutes to five?  Not likely.  

This school is teaching these children that their hard work doesn’t really matter.  That is what we are teaching children in schools these days?  No wonder our education system is failing.   

 

Sheri Shepard’s Divorce and Feminism

Social media is all a flutter over the impending divorce and custody case of The View’s Sheri Shepard and Lamar Sally.  Sally filed for legal separation and shortly thereafter filed for not only divorce, but custody of the child that is currently unborn and being carried by a surrogate mother.  By getting custody he will likely receive (and rightly so, I might add) child support.  Many women are calling foul.  He is just some gold digger after her money.

Apparently they did sign a prenup and in case of divorce in the first five years of marriage (they have only been married about three years) he gets very little of her income or assets.  But this is something that happens all the time with women who marry successful men who have assets and money that are larger than their own.   Women file for divorce and expect large sums of money in spousal support.  I know a man who is divorced and his former wife wanted monthly spousal support, the house, the kids, as well as child support.  They made virtually the same income so why would he have to pay spousal support?  In the end she didn’t get spousal support, but she did get everything else she asked for and then went off to start a new life with the man she cheated with.

If women are looking for equal treatment, than this should actually be celebrated not mocked.  She knew he made less money than her when she married him.  She knew she had assets that greatly exceeded his.  This was a choice that she made.  No one forced her down the aisle.

I get really tired of hearing from women that all they want is be treated equally to men then have the nerve to call foul when that is exactly what happens.  Women marry for money all the time.  We have seen it over and over again.  When the marriage ends, they expect large amounts of cash from the guy to continue the “lifestyle they have become accustomed” to.  Look at some of these celebrity/sports divorces and the very large settlements that women get.  Yet, that isn’t what we are hearing in this case:

“In Sally’s case he is pathetic and not what I would classify as a MAN! Where is his damn money? She made her money now he wants hers. Spousal support, he is a punk!”

I didn’t hear women saying things like that when Elin Woods left Tiger and received a large settlement.  Granted he was cheating on her (and yes that is an understatement for his behavior), but in most states divorce is no fault, so that doesn’t matter.  When Jerry Hall divorced Mick Jagger she is estimated at getting $25 million, this is a woman who had a very successful modeling career and made her own money.  She was far from a pauper.

This is equality folks.  Divorce is ugly and money almost always becomes an issue.  Whomever the main breadwinner is the other spouse is going to be looking to get their hands on it.  If women want true equality stop complaining that men who marry, then divorce women, who are more well off than them are doing the same thing that women have been doing for generations.  This is exactly what feminism has called for.

A Tease of the New Bat Mobile for the Upcoming Batman V. Superman Movie

Very high tech looking.

The Dumbing Down Of the America’s Black Community Continues

I came across an article today on our very sad public education system in our country.  What is the most bothersome about the article is how little respect for the black community this administration seems to have.  I think I have made it quite clear that I am no fan of Bush’s No Child Left Behind initiative.  Well it seems that we have left it behind.  But the one thing that I will say in favor of it is the fact that it did not discriminate based on color.  The present day expectations, not so much.

Here are the very sad numbers:

In D.C. the expectations for white students is that 94% will be proficient in math, while the expectation for the black community is expected to be only 71%.

In Tennessee the black students are only expected to be at 64% in English 2.

In Minnesota we are hoping for a whopping 62% in math.

The list continues.  Why aren’t we expecting all students, regardless of color to be proficient in both math and English?  We spend a fortune on public education in this country and yet we are saying it is perfectly acceptable that blacks can lag behind.  In some cases we are saying that one-third of black students can not be able to complete a high school math problem and not be able to read and/or write a paragraph in proper English.

Oh Al Sharpton. paging Al Sharpton.  Why aren’t you outraged at this?  What this administration is saying is that blacks are not able to be held to the same standards as everyone else in the country.  That they just can’t do the work.  I am sorry, but I refuse to accept that.  This is about low expectations.

One parent in Alabama:

“I think having a low bar means they can just pass them on. I think it’s dumbing our race down and preparing our boys for prison.”

While that may seem like an exaggeration,  it really isn’t.  When you take a look at the demographics of people who are in the prison system, the numbers of people who don’t graduate high school is very high.  From the Bureau of Justice Statistics:

• 68% of State prison inmates did not receive a high school diploma
• About 26% of State prison inmates said they had completed the GED while serving time in a correctional facility.

We are giving up on members of our society, especially those of color.  We are expecting less and less, all the while the calls for income inequality, more welfare, more food stamps, and other entitlement programs grow louder and louder from the left.  Hey, I have an idea, lets stop saying that blacks aren’t capable of learning math and English, lets set the bar high and see what happens.

Sadly, the black community will be still thinking that President Obama has the back the black community.  He is their messiah, here to right the wrongs that have been done to them by a racist society.  Never mind that this mindset is part and parcel of the democrat party, that blacks can’t do as well as whites or Asians.  We can expect less of them.

After all, it certainly helps the party if blacks are kept in the same position that many find themselves in today.  We wouldn’t want them to do better now do we?  They might just start to figure out that government is perfectly happy in keeping them dumb-downed.  It allows the size and scope of government to grow and grow.  It is good for business.  Who cares if it is bad for people?  They are besides the point.

President Obama is Disappointed in the World Says Biographer

A biographer has told the world that he feels that President Obama is disappointed in the world.  Really?  Well my most obvious response is that many in the world are very disappointed in him as well.  But there is more to this.  He is disappointed in the world because he views with rose-colored glasses on how the world should be instead of what it actually is.

He truly believes that if we just make the minimum wage a little higher people will get lifted out poverty.  Although we have raised the minimum wage throughout the years and we still have poverty.  So the latest is a “living wage”.  Which is just another myth that will never work on a national level.

If the government just gets involved we can make the world more “fair”.  He doesn’t seem to understand that life isn’t fair, nor will it ever be.

If the rich just give more of their money, the poor will get more.  Again, this is just another myth.  President Obama is a perfect example of that.  He has made less money in 2013 than he did in 2014, I didn’t get more because he has less.  Nor has anyone else.

He never seems to understand that many of the people who are stuck in cycles of poverty are so because they make bad choices.  Now, I have this crappy part-time job.  Many of the people I work with are on some type of public assistance.  Yet they have smart phones.  I don’t have a smart phone.  I can’t spend over a hundred month on the bill.  I don’t live in the projects because I spend my money differently than they do.  I make different choices.  I am not trying to disparage the poor, but studies have shown over and over again that they very successful people makes choices in their lives that allow them to become that way, while the poor make very different choices that also allow them to stay in their circumstances.  It may not be the way it should work, but it how it works.  This is reality.  You want to change the cycle of poverty, teach them how to make better choices.  Giving them enough money to survive does nothing except allow that cycle to continue.

Obama thinks if the U.S. is just nicer the problem of radical Islam will magically disappear.  No it won’t Mr. President.  These are people who are true believers in the ideology.  Most of them are willing, no eager, to die for what they believe in.  They look at becoming a martyr as the very best thing that Allah has to offer.  Until that is marginalized within the Islamic community it won’t change.  You cannot “Co-exist” with someone who wants you dead.  This is reality.

President Obama doesn’t seem to think that real evil exists in the world.  Putin may not be evil, but he certainly does believe that Mother Russia should rise again.  He and buddies on the left scoffed at Gov. Romney when this came up at the debate.  The running joke was the 80’s wants their foreign policy back.  It was Romney who saw the reality and those on the left that see the world as they think it should be instead of how it is.

Yes the world disappoints President Obama.  Maybe, just maybe, if he stopped seeing those rosy hues, he can begin to understand that life isn’t fair.  Evil does exist and those evils have to be confronted with strong leadership, not the moving red lines that those in Syria are laughing about all the while killing their own people completely unabated.